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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask who goes between sparkling clean and hovel (and how do I make it ...not?)?

50 replies

therocinante · 22/03/2021 23:16

We have two modes in our house - absolutely minted, everything clean, floors mopped, tidy, calm (usually at the weekend). And then the rest of the time it's just an absolute shitshow, I feel like we're never on top of it, and it makes me stressed out.

Does anyone else swing back and forth between the two? I hate mess and dirt and find it hard to concentrate when it's like that, so WFH is less fun by Weds/Thurs where it's really messy.

We don't have kids (but do both have ADHD, which doesn't help - imagine being utterly unable to focus unless everything including the phases of Jupiter's moons and the cleanliness of the inside of your washing machine is just right but also being absolutely unable to make yourself do any of the things that you need for that to happen?).

But I have lists and systems and I have so many strategies in place to try and mitigate it and yet at least half the week, our house feels like a bomb went off and I hate it.

Are we alone? Or do most people have a reasonably tidy house most of the time, rather than flinging wildly between the two?

OP posts:

Teentitansonloop · 22/03/2021 23:17

Watching because I'm exactly the same

AcornAutumn · 22/03/2021 23:20

Similar. The silliest thing is, the flat is v small so to get from one state to another is quite fast. So I should be able to manage the sparkling stage more often!

nancy75 · 22/03/2021 23:22

Used to be like this, during a particularly bored stage in lockdown 1 I went a bit over the top & got rid of loads of stuff (really loads) felt a bit scared afterwards that I would want it all back but actually don’t miss a thing & the house is so much better all the time.

SnackSizeRaisin · 22/03/2021 23:28

Ours is never that clean! I do a bit as it needs doing, so one room will look ok whilst others are still a mess, or I will hoover but not dust so it's better than before but not perfect. If you clean the whole house every weekend and don't have children,I imagine it can't be that bad.

Original poster

therocinante · 22/03/2021 23:30

@SnackSizeRaisin

You're right - it's not overly dirty in between, although the (hideous, rental house) laminate always looks filthy apart from 0.1 second after I've mopped it, just really messy and that makes me feel like it's dirty.

I want like, the opposite of a cleaner, I want a tidier. I can do the cleaning myself, just want someone to put everything away after me haha.

OP posts:

Original poster

therocinante · 22/03/2021 23:32

@nancy75

I've done this a bit recently but I could definitely do more. We live in a tiny rented house so there's not a lot of storage - 4 kitchen cupboards, for example, which after plates/pans/cups/tins and spices leaves... nothing for blender/slow cooker/bread machine blah blah.

Just feel like we have so much STUFF and it's always visible. What I need is a house with a huuuuuge garage where I can just have massive storage units for all the stuff I definitely want but don't use often, and I can just chuck it all in there.

OP posts:

AcornAutumn · 22/03/2021 23:44

I have storage issues too.

There's an A2drawing board on the floor in front of me because the desk has to be used for work tomorrow. I did some drawing after work. Coffee table littered with charcoal. And 4 remote controls because my TV has Roku and Now TV.

Less excuse for 3x sets of weights on the floor from yesterday's workout. I should put them away immediately but use them every other day so now at nearly midnight, I just think, well they'll be used again tomorrow so...

In a bigger flat, all that stuff would be in another room.

nancy75 · 22/03/2021 23:46

In a bigger flat, all that stuff would be in another room
If you’re like me in a bigger flat you’d have even more stuff!

RiojaRose · 22/03/2021 23:52

Same. I also can clean but want to pay a tidier. Can confirm that a bigger house/flat leads to more stuff. Ugh.

Emeraldshamrock · 22/03/2021 23:54

Me too. Every day I clean and have a clean home the following day it is back to zero.
Trying to encourage putting back things.
I was doing very well for a time following "the secret slob" on YouTube she does an easy to follow breakdown of fly-lady.
FL was overcomplicated for me.
Accepting you've good days and bad helps.

AcornAutumn · 22/03/2021 23:56

@nancy75

In a bigger flat, all that stuff would be in another room If you’re like me in a bigger flat you’d have even more stuff!

I don't know

I am told I have a reasonable amount of stuff

Like some people, if they moved at short notice, it would be hard to pack? Not so much for me.

But things like the windows, I just haven't cleaned forever....so lazy. It is quick to go from tidy to messy and back here, so I don't know why I don't tidy more.

When I worked longer hours, I cooked more, packed lunches and was more organised. There is a theory of "the more you do, the more you do" I think?

Emeraldshamrock · 22/03/2021 23:56

AcornAutumn · 22/03/2021 23:57

@RiojaRose

Same. I also can clean but want to pay a tidier. Can confirm that a bigger house/flat leads to more stuff. Ugh.

This! I like cleaning and find it therapeutic. I'd love a tidying robot but I'm fine to hoover and mop etc.

Emeraldshamrock · 22/03/2021 23:58

"the more you do, the more you do" I think?
Yes I agree.
Energy creates energy.

AllisoninWunderland · 23/03/2021 00:00

I agree with the above.

It doesn’t sound like you need to be tidier, it sounds like you need a major declutter. It really is THE secret to a calm, easy, tidy home.

Original poster

therocinante · 23/03/2021 00:05

@Emeraldshamrock

"the more you do, the more you do" I think? Yes I agree. Energy creates energy.

I agree - I don't think lockdown and working from home helps, I feel generally sluggish and the executive function problems of my ADHD have been made a lot worse, so that's definitely part of it!

OP posts:

Original poster

therocinante · 23/03/2021 00:12

@AllisoninWunderland

I agree with the above.

It doesn’t sound like you need to be tidier, it sounds like you need a major declutter. It really is THE secret to a calm, easy, tidy home.

I do think this would help, although our house just doesn't have a lot of storage - our bedroom has no wardrobes and no room for any, it literally fits a double bed in and two bedside tables. So we have a bed with 4 drawers (one for towels, one for bedding, and two for underwear/socks/pyjamas), but then the big over-stairs storage in the (also tiny) second bedroom/office is mostly taken up as a wardrobe. Which means that the stuff we'd want to store in there ordinarily that we don't use often but don't want to/can't afford to throw away and rebuy when needed (like our camping stuff, climbing gear, a few bits of winter clothes) is all kept in plastic storage boxes under the sofa and in a chest of drawers in the living room, which just means everywhere feels full to the gills even with things we don't want to throw!

I donated the vast majority of my beloved book collection when we moved here because we just didn't have the space for it, that was devastating (but was 4 large cardboard boxes worth, so necessary!). Ditto clothes, although I think we're due another clear-out, and paperwork can definitely be gone through.

OP posts:

Faerysmoke · 23/03/2021 00:30

I like things tidy. I set a 20 minute timer every morning and do a tidying blitz before work just to 'reset' everything again. Doesn't have to be perfect but it helps. On weekends I do a proper clean.

Midlifephoenix · 23/03/2021 00:36

I have kids and dogs and way too much stuff. A friend said 90% of being a grown up is putting things away.
My house has been on the market so for about two months we had it in really good condition- sure we'd have to do a quick tidy up but nothing like the hours I have to put in now to make it look presentable. I have cleaner- it's clean. But we are very untidy.
Our USP as a family is we can make a hotel room look like a squat in five minutes flat.

Sparrowfeeder · 23/03/2021 00:38

Same, also ADHD here too! Hairy dogs don’t help either. Following...

AcornAutumn · 23/03/2021 01:09

OP "everywhere feels full to the gills even with things we don't want to throw!"

Understand completely. The occasional stuff has to live somewhere.

I have gone to my wardrobe looking for things and then remembered, with a sinking feeling, that I gave it away. I once nearly repurchased a bag after giving it to a charity shop and I have repurchased a couple of books.

I think it's very different if you have space. It doesn't mean you'd fill it brimful. Just a cupboard to store the mop, bucket, hoover, would be great. I actually debated having the oven and grill removed. I'd still have hobs and the slow cooker and so many people don't cook now, in this type of small flat, I thought, it might not actually matter when it comes to selling, if I ever do.

Canuckduck · 23/03/2021 01:16

For me I need to tidy on a strict schedule to keep on top of it or I can’t concentrate. So in the morning I’ll do breakfast dishes, put away mats, wipe up counter and put cushions / blankets back in their spots. Feed the pets and maybe do a quick sweep. This takes me 15 minutes tops.

Tidy after lunch, dishes, counters etc. Load of laundry every day or two. Then another tidy before supper. After dinner full clean up and usually one other job. This might be vacuuming, mopping, putting away laundry, bathrooms etc

CrazyNeighbour · 23/03/2021 01:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NiceGerbil · 23/03/2021 01:19

Houses like gardens need little and often.

I'm not a pottered. I'm a nothing nothing BAM loads of stuff then nothing nothing.

I've had to accept it TBH

AnotherBoredOne · 23/03/2021 01:22

@Midlifephoenix

I have kids and dogs and way too much stuff. A friend said 90% of being a grown up is putting things away. My house has been on the market so for about two months we had it in really good condition- sure we'd have to do a quick tidy up but nothing like the hours I have to put in now to make it look presentable. I have cleaner- it's clean. But we are very untidy. Our USP as a family is we can make a hotel room look like a squat in five minutes flat.

Are you my twin?

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