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Original poster

How to contribute to rent/finances in boyfriend's flat

39 replies

wandatotherescue · 22/03/2021 22:45

I would love to hear some advice on this and perspective re what’s normal.

I’ve been together with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and I think we will move in together soon, we’ve just started discussing it but haven’t talked about finances yet. I’m currently renting with friends but my tenancy ends in 6 months.

My Question is: If I were to move in, what is the normal done thing for paying rent on a property someone else (your boyfriend) owns? He has never had flat-mates etc so he pays his mortgage solo every month. For context: He earns over £120k with bonus and I earn around £50k, I’m mid 20s and he’s nearly 30. Also to try not to drip feed, in case people ask, usually we more or less split things 60:40 (dinners, dates, holidays.. in non lockdown times!)

What is a good rough idea of how to split this - what ratio do you think I should pay or in what way should I contribute? I just want to have a background idea of what to think is normal before we properly discuss it.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 22/03/2021 22:56

Could you pay a proportion of the rent you pay now, so that you both benefit financially?

Are you interested in buying somewhere yourself in the future?

BluebellsGreenbells · 22/03/2021 23:01

Depends.

I literally halved the bills - so bill increased like council tax as no longer qualify for the single discount

Others increased like electricity and gas and telephone.

You need to see the bills and you’ll have your own expenses on top - train fares or car insurance etc

How will you benefit from living there? You won’t have a say in decor or changes, or he could make you homeless at the drop of a hat. Do not agree to pay towards any major refurbishment! You won’t get any costs back and he would benefit from your contribution.

I would make sure you are in a position to save money where you can to have a decent deposit should you need to move quickly.

8dpwoah · 22/03/2021 23:04

I think because the place is his and has been for a while I would be doing the majority of the food shopping and giving him the money for half the bills excluding the mortgage. On your salary that will mean you could save enough for your own property in time so you aren't at risk should you sadly split up because you're only spending out, if you move in together, on 'consumables' if you see what I mean, bills that you'd incur wherever you lived. But you aren't helping him build equity in the flat for him to later hoof you out and you lose your capital, and you've got a safety net.

Obviously I hope you move in and enjoy a happy life together but never hurts to think about the alternatives as you are.

SnackSizeRaisin · 22/03/2021 23:07

Although he earns more, you both have good salaries. In my view it would be fair for you to pay 50% towards all bills including food. Pay for your own shares of things like holidays, cars, phones. And for you to pay some rent, but at the bottom end of the going rate, or slightly less than you pay currently.
Ideally both of you should end up financially better off than you would living alone.
If you were to marry, I would then move towards him paying a greater share to reflect his higher earnings

PantherPantherus · 22/03/2021 23:13

Tell him to continue paying his mortgage in full to build up his equity. In return you will maximise your ISA contributions because they will come in useful if you want to buy a bigger place together.

overwork · 22/03/2021 23:16

My boyfriend and I earn pretty much the same. When he moved in to my mortgaged flat he just paid for half the bills (and most of the food seeing as he consumed it!). He did tend to pay for more of the treats.
I was paying my mortgage fine before he moved in and had no desire to make money from him.
It did pay off for me in the end, he'd been able to save loads and when we came to move we were able to put down a much bigger deposit for our next joint move.

Original poster
wandatotherescue · 22/03/2021 23:20

Thanks everyone, this is useful, I would usually ask my mum but she's got a lot going on at the moment

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 22/03/2021 23:21

It shouldn't cost you more money to live there than your current costs unless it's significantly nicer and you're willing to pay for the extra luxury. But it shouldn't cost him extra to have you live with him either.

Always have your own money to fall back on in case you need to move out suddenly.

Original poster
wandatotherescue · 22/03/2021 23:22

@HollowTalk

Could you pay a proportion of the rent you pay now, so that you both benefit financially?

Are you interested in buying somewhere yourself in the future?

Yes I'm saving to buy in the future but if all goes well between us, I would potentially pool our money to buy a house together - he wants to keep his flat and rent it out, when he/we eventually buy a family home further down the line
OP posts:
Original poster
wandatotherescue · 22/03/2021 23:26

@8dpwoah

I think because the place is his and has been for a while I would be doing the majority of the food shopping and giving him the money for half the bills excluding the mortgage. On your salary that will mean you could save enough for your own property in time so you aren't at risk should you sadly split up because you're only spending out, if you move in together, on 'consumables' if you see what I mean, bills that you'd incur wherever you lived. But you aren't helping him build equity in the flat for him to later hoof you out and you lose your capital, and you've got a safety net.

Obviously I hope you move in and enjoy a happy life together but never hurts to think about the alternatives as you are.

Hmmm I don't think that would work because we have very different approaches to food shopping... he buys food from expensive supermarkets/spends much more than me on food and I buy much less/ more simple food. I guess we will have to figure that out though if we're doing our food shop together!
OP posts:
Strawbfields · 22/03/2021 23:28

Hey OP, I live with my OH in his flat, I earn £19K and he earns £55K. We split the bills equally and it equates to £150PP/PM. We are in the fortunate position of not having a mortgage, if we did, my OH would likely contribute more than me due to my rubbish NHS salaryBlush

Good luck with the move when the time comes!

Original poster
wandatotherescue · 22/03/2021 23:32

@Strawbfields

Hey OP, I live with my OH in his flat, I earn £19K and he earns £55K. We split the bills equally and it equates to £150PP/PM. We are in the fortunate position of not having a mortgage, if we did, my OH would likely contribute more than me due to my rubbish NHS salaryBlush

Good luck with the move when the time comes!

Thanks @Strawbfields x

Interesting to hear quite a few people say about just splitting the bills, I never thought of that, I always thought of just contributing to mortgagee so I think that makes sense

OP posts:
Mumoftwoinprimary · 22/03/2021 23:32

When my brother’s girlfriend moved in with him she paid him rent of half what she was paying on her shared house that she was paying before. So they were both an equal amount better off. The plan was that she would save her difference in an account in her name and he would pay his difference off the mortgage but I don’t know if they actually did that.

They split the bills 50:50.

MorningNinja · 22/03/2021 23:36

Have you asked him what he suggests?

How much is his mortgage?

Apileofballyhoo · 22/03/2021 23:42

Christ, don't end up spending all your money on expensive food, anyway. There was a poster fairly recently who was doing just that. Similar set up iirc.

DdraigGoch · 22/03/2021 23:42

I'd split the bills but I wouldn't pay a mortgage unless your name is on it. Otherwise you could lose everything if you break up or he got hit by a bus.

KingdomScrolls · 22/03/2021 23:47

Bills 50/50 , keep own expenses separate eg mobile, car, fun money etc, pay an amount of rent that's agreeable to you both, he shouldn't feel that he is keeping you and you shouldn't not benefit from moving in together if he is. Some here day never contribute to their mortgage but you would if you were renting anywhere else, even as a lodger you're paying someone else's mortgage. I was your BF in our situation, the disparity between incomes was less but I earned a fair amount more. We paid half each of everything. I paid for dinners, holidays , nights out etc more (not completely but more of the overall cost) and I saved more. However DH saved a lot on his previous living costs and the savings ultimately went towards the house we bought together. Now we're married and have a DC so it's everything in one pot, all bills, expenses and savings come out and we get the same personal fun money, our salaries have both increased, I still earn more than he does, but we're a family now and anything else would seem churlish.

MangoBiscuit · 23/03/2021 06:20

DP moved in with me, I own my house with a mortgage. I earn more, but it isn't a huge gap. I also have 2 DC, so a bigger house needed than for just 2 adults. With that in mind, I suggested that DP pay less than half, so he wasn't paying for my kids too. He point blank refused to pay less than 50%, his reasoning being that living with me was much cheaper than his own rent and bills, so we should be splitting the savings 50/50, not the costs. (we compromised on him paying 50% of everything but food)

Can you work out the difference in your living costs if you move in with him? I would start from paying 50% of mortgage as rent, and 50% of the bills, and see if you are better or worse off than you are now. If worse off, then you and he need to have a chat about how to make it equitable for you both, so you can continue to save. If you'd be better off moving in and paying half, do that.

8dpwoah · 23/03/2021 08:01

Ah yes the shopping might be a bit of a nuisance then. In that case I'd probably say that you do the weekly boring normal stuff shop (at a shop of your choice!) and then if he wants to top it up with lovely extra things then that's down to him? That would make that a fairer split as well then.

FuckyouCovid21 · 23/03/2021 09:16

@Strawbfields

Hey OP, I live with my OH in his flat, I earn £19K and he earns £55K. We split the bills equally and it equates to £150PP/PM. We are in the fortunate position of not having a mortgage, if we did, my OH would likely contribute more than me due to my rubbish NHS salaryBlush

Good luck with the move when the time comes!

Not sure if I'm alone on this but I'd be pissed off to be contributing the same if I earned so much less
HollowTalk · 23/03/2021 17:31

But living anywhere where all costs are £150 pm is fantastic.

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/03/2021 17:38

DP lives in my house. I pay the mortgage as I don’t want him to have an interest in my property if we split up. We then share council tax and bills 50/50 and then food and leisure we each buy as needed and pay roughly in turns. It works for us and I’ve never really considered doing it any other way.

LilMidge01 · 23/03/2021 17:39

My boyfriend moved in with me in November last year. I was struggling to make mortgage payments admittedly, and was just scraping by but not managing to save much (various reasons). However, he pays 50/50 everything- its worked out cheaper for him than renting, and better for me as I'm amanging to save again, so we can both look towards getting somewhere together in the future. Our salaries are reasonably matched (mine slightly higher now due to recent promotion, lower than him when he moved in)...but I do think as long as it works out financially better for both of you, 50/50 is the way to go otherwise you get drawn into who paid for what blah blah...

LilMidge01 · 23/03/2021 17:42

Sorry got cut off. My point was, I don't see him as contributing some 'rent' towards the mortgage as paying in equity to my flat that he is losing/money down the drain. it's less than he would be paying in rent elsewhere, and he lives here. Just because I have a mortgage rather than a landlord doesn't mean he should get free accommodation, and he agrees!

We did need some emergency re plumbing in the kitchen recently which I paid for in full as the flat is my investment. So I wouldn't expect him to pay for any renovation work. But 'rent', albeit casual, is fair enough.

Plus, if we stay together and eventually get married, it won't matter anyway, as everything will be half his then anyway, so he will get his 'rent' back that way

UrAWizHarry · 23/03/2021 17:43

The fairest and easiest way to do it, I think, is to make sure that once all the bills are paid/ savings etc dealt with that you both have the same amount of money left over to spend/save as you see fit.

So, if your combined salaries add up to 4k a month, for sake of example), and after all your bills are paid etc you have 1k left between the 2 of you, you get £500 each to either spend or save personally as you see fit.