How to contribute to rent/finances in boyfriend's flat

[wandatotherescue]

I would love to hear some advice on this and perspective re what’s normal.

I’ve been together with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and I think we will move in together soon, we’ve just started discussing it but haven’t talked about finances yet. I’m currently renting with friends but my tenancy ends in 6 months.

My Question is: If I were to move in, what is the normal done thing for paying rent on a property someone else (your boyfriend) owns? He has never had flat-mates etc so he pays his mortgage solo every month. For context: He earns over £120k with bonus and I earn around £50k, I’m mid 20s and he’s nearly 30. Also to try not to drip feed, in case people ask, usually we more or less split things 60:40 (dinners, dates, holidays.. in non lockdown times!)

What is a good rough idea of how to split this - what ratio do you think I should pay or in what way should I contribute? I just want to have a background idea of what to think is normal before we properly discuss it.

50/50 on bills/food as you’re both higher earners so no one will be lacking in fun money.

Don’t pay anything towards a mortgage unless your name is on it or you have a legally binding tenancy agreement.

My partner lives with me and my son, he pays 1/3 of bills apart from council tax which he pays 1/2 of, he does not pay rent. When we get married I’ll remortgage and he will go on the mortgage, from then on he’ll pay 50%, well, we’ll have one account for bills etc and we’ll both be given the same fun money each month, so in essense we’ll both be paying half.

I would split household bills like heating electric etc straight down the middle. I wouldn’t pay towards the mortgage but I would make a point of saving the extra for future “together” property.

@UrAWizHarry

The fairest and easiest way to do it, I think, is to make sure that once all the bills are paid/ savings etc dealt with that you both have the same amount of money left over to spend/save as you see fit.

So, if your combined salaries add up to 4k a month, for sake of example), and after all your bills are paid etc you have 1k left between the 2 of you, you get £500 each to either spend or save personally as you see fit.

I think if you’re married or raising a child together, this is fine. I’m not convinced that two people simply living together need to equalise their finances like this. I can’t imagine DP telling me that he wanted me to transfer two or three thousand pounds a month to his bank account so that we both have equal spends, and I can’t imagine asking about it on MN and anyone telling me he was anything other than a worthless cocklodger for even suggesting it!

When I moved into my then boyfriends flat I did all the food shopping and the council tax. We then bought a house together about 18 months later

I'm kind of agog at the 60:40 split when he earns more than twice what she earns! Maybe I'm old fashioned.

This comes up a lot, the general consensus is usually he continues to pay the mortgage as that's his financial asset and then all other bills are split 50/50 providing the salaries are similar.... In this case because you are both high earners I don't see an issue with 50/50.

In terms of food, is it because he prefers more adventurous food or simply because he shops in waitrose apposed to Aldi? There is a compromise to be met here I think.

When I first moved in with my now DH I paid him a flat amount of “rent” to go towards all the bills in his flat.

It was £500 so cheaper than I could have lived anywhere else all in and obviously me living there increased the bills for him. It was a very nice area as well so much cheaper (and nicer) than the equivalent house share place. I ended up being able to save a decent amount of money.

He earns more than me (still although I’m catching up) so tends to pay for “treat” things like holidays / meals out etc

We kept phone/car etc payments separate. All the bills stayed in his name until we moved and bought a place together.

We’re both in finance so were comfortable talking about all the figures in detail before we moved in / through every change in circumstance.

@Rangoon

I'm kind of agog at the 60:40 split when he earns more than twice what she earns! Maybe I'm old fashioned.

Me, too. But then, I wanted marriage, not living together as a trial/audition so I didn't live with DH before, then we combined all income. I'd fallen into this trap before.

My ex moved in with me last year at the start of lockdown, and I asked for half the bills. I didn't ask for any contributions towards the mortgage as rent. It's a bit muddy, as I understand it, as he could claim an interest and therefore a stake during a split. We signed a deed of trust and when we split, it was totally fine. Obviously he didn't have proper tenant or lodger rights because of sharing a bedroom. There was no deposit or anything like that so you can't say he's a tenant and therefore charge rent!

I don't know. I understand that some view others not paying rent as not "adulting", but honestly it doesn't make sense if one party has a mortgage and can afford it. It's different if you're pooling finances for financial reasons, if there are issues of affordability.

It was a no brainer for me - he got cheap accommodation but he pulled his weight around the house so I wasn't alone doing household chores, he cooked and paid for probably the lion's share of food (probably 60%), he managed to save absolute bank because living costs were so low, I got a bit of help towards bills so my bills went down (it's not like they actually double in cost even though he was paying half). He'll be able to buy his own property soon, so it wasn't to his detriment at all to move in.
As it stands, it was an amicable split but he had absolutely no claim over the house anyway because I paid the mortgage by myself (which we had in writing).

So that might be something to consider when moving into your boyfriend's! You can download deed of trusts very cheaply or even free if you get witness signatures. You just have to be very open and honest about who owns what and have a proper discussion about finances.

With the disparity in income, maybe your bill split shouldn't be 50-50, or maybe you could think of alternatives like he pays more for holidays, meals out, that sort of thing. I earn more, so I paid for more meals out / takeaways with my ex, or I treated for days out.

OP,
Be very very careful re the food, if he has expensive taste and a huge appetite he could spend 150 a week and not blink.

Start from what you pay now.
The total figure.
This should not cost you.
Especially as he earns more than three times what you do.

Don't rush into anything.

Definitely have this discussion nailed down before you move in.

If he lives in a gorgeous flat with high utilities, are you going to want that?

If you are saving for yourself don't make this an expensive move.

Whatever it costs you for housing, bills, food, council tax etc.
This move should not cost you more.

I'm agog too at the 60/40 so I think the OP has to be careful she isn't being moved in as a housekeeper and sex on tap!

Maybe I'm just a suspicious old woman.😁

@billy1966

I'm agog too at the 60/40 so I think the OP has to be careful she isn't being moved in as a housekeeper and sex on tap!

Maybe I'm just a suspicious old woman.😁

No, you're not, you're someone who's seen it happen time and again.

Happens so often! Particularly when the other party has expensive tastes.

Hence, why I wouldn't do it.

Half the bills - which takes you beyond the usual 60/40 or even a reverse 60/40 for bills and no “ rent but you save for when you get a place together ?

Paying him rent is a sticky thing both ways - you won’t initially have anything back from the building abs have no security BUT it’s long term you you could well try to claim an interest in the bricks and mortar if you split , especially if you marry.