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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH keeps telling me I look OK - but I'm ill

41 replies

Hoppscotch · 22/03/2021 15:19

Maybe because I'm feeling unwell (positive with Covid) this is annoying me more than it should.

DH is obviously having to self isolate too, so randomly wanders in to 'check' on me, before determining I look 'OK' .

Well I'm not really. I feel awful and whilst I'm lucky not to have a severe case needing any treatment, so am clearly OK by that standard, would it kill him just to acknowledge I'm not feeling well or even ask me?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 22/03/2021 15:20

In all likelihood he'll get it soon. I'd tell him that how he treats you now will be how he gets treated when he has it.

HollowTalk · 22/03/2021 15:21

I hope you make a quick recover. Flowers

Original poster
Hoppscotch · 22/03/2021 15:23

Thanks @HollowTalk and I'll tell him that!

OP posts:
Rushhomeroad · 22/03/2021 15:25

So sorry you are feeling rubbish - hopefully you'll get over the worst of it soon.
Your DH sounds like my DH - he says things because he's scared of you being seriously ill and by saying you're OK is him hoping you are. It's a bit like denial, because it would be so awful to acknowledge you could be very seriously ill. Its annoying at the time, but I've just accepted its one of my DHs coping mechanisms. Could that be true for yours?

ScottishStottie · 22/03/2021 15:26

It might be that hes concerned about you gettinf seriously unwell with it, so is reassuring himself that you are 'ok' in the sense that he doesn't need to phone an ambulance.

Get well soon!

Borntohula · 22/03/2021 15:29

We've been told for a year how dangerous covid can be. He's probably relieved you're not worse than you are.

ThatOtherPoster · 22/03/2021 15:30

Yes, he’s reassuring himself.

gobbynorthernbird · 22/03/2021 15:31

He's probably just glad you're not turning blue.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 22/03/2021 15:31

I feel for you OP. Various family members have had it and felt absolutely shitty.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

RonObvious · 22/03/2021 15:33

I hope when he's "wandering in", he's carrying cups of tea /chicken soup!

Cassilis · 22/03/2021 15:36

I'd say if he says you're ok, then he doesn't have to provide any care for you/DC.

I hope I'm wrong?

ScottishStottie · 22/03/2021 15:37

@RonObvious

I hope when he's "wandering in", he's carrying cups of tea /chicken soup!
I agree with this! As long as he is looking after you, bringing you tea, hot water bottles and night nurse ( these were my covid survival items!) Then i would forgive not asking if you are ok.
Insomnia5 · 22/03/2021 15:38

So he’s regularly checking on you to see if you’re alright? Given the amount of people who have been hospitalised/died I’d also assume that ‘you’re ok’ means that you don’t need medical help. I think he’s very aware that you’re feeling like shit, why do you need even more validation that you’re ill?

Tinydinosaur · 22/03/2021 15:42

I was seriously ill to the point of being in hospital and DH referred to it as "little more than a sniffle" 😂 he's a minimiser though, he's the same with his own illnesses, I think it's that he's overwhelmed by it being bad so tells himself it's not.
It's not like he's saying "you're fine, stop being lazy."

Londonmummy66 · 22/03/2021 15:53

You need a dressing gown of doom - then he''l have to take it seriously.

Sorry to be facetious - hope you get well soon and that if your DH gets it he is asymptomatic.

PandaFluff · 22/03/2021 16:00

Does he mean you look ok as in he doesn't need to get you to hospital maybe?

Dreamer111 · 22/03/2021 16:03

@ScottishStottie

It might be that hes concerned about you gettinf seriously unwell with it, so is reassuring himself that you are 'ok' in the sense that he doesn't need to phone an ambulance.

Get well soon!

This was my first thought too.
M0rT · 22/03/2021 16:05

Is this him reassuring himself?
My DH told me he wasn't worried when I was in ICU because they have the most trained staff in the hospital.
I don't know who he was trying to convince but for a man who wasn't worried he had very few nails left!
Hope you recover soon, also I'm sure you know this already but when you do feel better give yourself a few days rest to try avert a relapse Flowers

rc22 · 22/03/2021 16:06

I think he is probably worried and is trying to reassure himself. I have to say when I had covid I felt pretty rotten but when I looked in the mirror, I was surprised by how well I looked. It's a very strange illness in many ways!!

StrudelSoup · 22/03/2021 16:09

It depends. Is he taking care of you in other ways - cups of tea, bringing you medicine, etc...? If so then I wouldn't be bothered what he says. But if he's saying it in a, "you look fine, fuss about nothing" kind of a way then I get why you're annoyed. His response could also be annoying if - whenever he normally gets sick - he acts as if the world is ending, but always treats your being ill as sniffles.
He could also be reassuring himself that you're fine so he doesn't worry.

Flippyferloppy · 22/03/2021 16:12

You could always reply "thanks, but I don't feel OK". Every time until he gets it

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/03/2021 16:17

He is possibly worried about you and self soothing. Sounds as if maybe he doesn’t know what to do.

jessstan2 · 22/03/2021 16:18

Don't take any notice. He could be trying to reassure you, probably more a case of reassuring himself.

OldEvilOwl · 22/03/2021 16:24

He's checking on you, he's not ignoring you

BoomBoomsCousin · 22/03/2021 16:26

I think YABabitU but I’m always fairly unreasonable when I’m ill, so you have my sympathy.

Agree with others that it is likely reassurance - for you or him - and the real measure of his care will be in everything he does, not one turn of phrase.

Hope you recover soon. Flowers