DH keeps telling me I look OK - but I'm ill

[Hoppscotch]

Maybe because I'm feeling unwell (positive with Covid) this is annoying me more than it should.

DH is obviously having to self isolate too, so randomly wanders in to 'check' on me, before determining I look 'OK' .

Well I'm not really. I feel awful and whilst I'm lucky not to have a severe case needing any treatment, so am clearly OK by that standard, would it kill him just to acknowledge I'm not feeling well or even ask me?

That would make me so annoyed!

But in fairness the media has sort of painted COVID as an horrifying illness which you will need to be on a ventilator for and take months to recover (which obviously it is for some). Your DH may have been really scared of it and it really relieved that your okay.

Hope you feel better soon!

YABU - he is checking on you and determining you look ok (I’ll take OK to mean not at deaths door/needing hospitalised/unwell enough you’ve not got the energy to post on MN).

But also, YANBU (and I’ve voted that way). Would it bloody kill partners to sympathise and make a fuss when their other half is ill??? What is with people that can’t understand sick people need these things (even if they’re not severely sick, and indeed not even sick enough they’re unable to moan)???

You would hate my ministration.
I'm of the ' if you can talk and walk, you can sort yourself out ' camp.
Which is probably why my OH doesn't have a dressing gown of doom 😂

What exactly do you want him to say to you? You’ve admitted yourself it’s not severe or worthy of hospitalisation!! Do you want him to tell you that you look like an absolute mess? Would that make it better?

He's checking on you regularly and as others have said, its reasurrance that everything is ok.
If he was neglecting you, and the few times he did bother to check he told you how you truly looked it would be different.

I understand though what it's like to be ill and people basically lie and say you look good or whatever, when all you want them to do is acknowledge you are ill.

Yes you need to speak his language and put your dressing gown of doom on and get into bed. Ask him for some Lemsip and Lucosade in your weakest voice and tell him you might be able to manage a bowl of chicken soup (my DH genuinely believes that you can only eat soup when you’re remotely ill 😂).

People (everyone, even my Mum) always tell me I "look fine" when I'm unwell. It's so annoying.

There's not really enough information to go on. It could be that he is trying to reassure you / him that you're ok or it could be that he's a complete insensitive twat. I hope you get better soon.

I had this too - was v annoying but suspect dh wasn’t sure what to say!

Just tell him that each time he pops in, he must ask you how you're feeling.

If you tell him you feel ok but he thinks you look dreadful and need an ambulance, then he should act on his instinct. Even if you protest, if he's really worried he should call for help.

If you tell him you feel dreadful but he thinks you look ok, then he should ask if you are so bad that you need an ambulance. If you are really worried, he should call for help.

So in these cases, his key role is to call for help.

Now, the next bit is crucial.

If you don't need an ambulance, his second duty is to be extremely sympathetic, bring you nice food, drinks, fresh bedding, fresh pyjamas, cool flannels, paracetamol, soup etc and generally look after you until you1) feel ok and 2) look ok either for 72 hours continuously or until he develops COVID himself and then the roles will reverse. Depending on whether he 'looks ok', of course......

It's annoying! I agree with others that he's probably trying to reassure either you or himself.

I've got long Covid and have chronic fatigue. DM has told me you look fine!. It's annoying me because the subtext is You should be back at work instead of pretending to be poorly.

There are days I can't get out of bed.

He maybe trying to cheer you up and reassure you? It might depends on how he treats you, but sounds like he is checking up on you regularly, so he is definitely worried and caring for you. Or maybe he is trying to reassure himself.

@ScottishStottie

It might be that hes concerned about you gettinf seriously unwell with it, so is reassuring himself that you are 'ok' in the sense that he doesn't need to phone an ambulance.

Get well soon!

This was my thought. He’s trying to reassure himself

Wishing you a speedy recovery

He probably means ok as in he doesn't need to call an ambulance rather than fine.

Well, only you know the subtext of what he's saying.

"you look OK" = "you are malingering, get out of bed"

or

"you look OK" = "I don't need to call an ambulance (yet)" or even "I know she worries so I'll reassure her"

If the former, I'd say sarcastically next time "well I feel like death warmed over, thanks for asking".

If he is like my DH or most other men I know he will hate you being ill! This is because firstly he will have to look after you and he will have to do all the things you usually do in terms of housework. My DH always says I look ok as if I am making it up just to annoy him. Take care of yourself and ignore him.