Anyone else have a family member OBSESSED with politics?

[HerbalTeaz]

It’s really getting me down.

About 10 years ago my dad had a sudden change of political views. He was born in Scotland (military family) but family English and grew up in England, private school etc. Never seemed to have any issues with his identity, was quite middle of the road in his views etc.

About ten years ago he remarried, his wife is from UK but not England. Overnight he suddenly ‘declared’ he was actually Scottish (seriously), that he was SNP, how much he hates England (Westminster in particular) for ‘oppressing’ the other countries in the UK.

I’m fine with his political views, it’s more the sudden change of nationality (he left Scotland at a few months old and doesn’t have a drop of Scottish blood), and the sudden pure hatred he seems to have for English people. He rants at me and my siblings about the Tories using the word ‘you’ - as if we are somehow responsible for everything because we’re English. It’s all he ever talks about. We have a group WhatsApp and all he posts is about how evil the Tories are, how he feels sorry for us living here (he moved abroad recently), and perceived atrocities the English government have committed, past and present.

We have tried reasoning with him but it has no effect, if anything it makes him more angry. He has a drink problem and often texts after a few glasses of wine, sometimes as early as 10am.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? It’s ruined our relationship and he has become a bitter and angry old man.

Yes!! Absolutely. Have a few. Have older relations who are 100% Remainers to an extreme extent that any thing the EU does is great and anything the UK does is wrong. In terms of vaccine nationalism we had to listen to them for 30 minutes about how the UK was hoarding vaccines (not the EU) - not sure how they are feeling now, they have been a bit quiet recently. Have another relation to was obsessed with Jeremy Corbyn. They live in another EU country but use social media every day to post against the Tories and now Keir Starmer. They don't even live in the UK but seem to spend most of their lives obsessed with Uk politics. These relatives are all retired and I wonder whether it gives them something to focus on but sometimes it is a bit tiresome as they don't want to listen to any other points of view so you just have to smile and nod.

Agree with what other people are saying about social media + older people + getting obsessive about things during lockdown too. I find it difficult speaking to one of my Aunts as she loves to go on about how evil the Tories are and how difficult life is up North and how great Jeremy Corbyn is and generally ranting on about how terrible Southerners are; and it always feels personal. I have never even voted Tory!

I have Welsh and Irish relatives and get it from both sides. My uncle and aunt tell anti English jokes, with the joke being the English are either mutilated or dead. They've been doing this since I was a child and it gets very wearing. Eg There's an Irish man, English man and Scottish man and the English man is dead in a well. Who did it? A: Who cares, he's English.

Just ignore.

Point out to him that Scotland has its own Parliament, Wales and NI have their own Assemblies, and all three can make their own laws which apply to their own country. The English have to put up with Westminster, where MPs from the three other countries in the union can vote on purely English matters, but English MPs can't vote on theirs.

If you can be bothered, that is.

No I don't but I understand where the OP is coming from.

Ask him how he feels about the SNP view that he should be allowed to declare he is a woman on a whim if he wishes to.

If he lives on mainland Europe he’ll get a much easier ride identifying as a Scot than as a Brit or English, especially post-Brexit.

People on the continent visibly relax when they ask “English?” and you reply “Non, Ecossais/No, Ecocessa/Nao Escocese/No Scozzese etc”.

@CuthbertDibbleandGrubb

No I don't but I understand where the OP is coming from.

Ask him how he feels about the SNP view that he should be allowed to declare he is a woman on a whim if he wishes to.

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes It.

@RougeNoirSquoval

If he lives on mainland Europe he’ll get a much easier ride identifying as a Scot than as a Brit or English, especially post-Brexit.

People on the continent visibly relax when they ask “English?” and you reply “Non, Ecossais/No, Ecocessa/Nao Escocese/No Scozzese etc”.

I don’t think that’s why he’s doing it.

@greycloudysky perhaps but pigs deserve more respect than to be compared with a plastic Scotsman.

@emptyraspberry

Point out to him that Scotland has its own Parliament, Wales and NI have their own Assemblies, and all three can make their own laws which apply to their own country. The English have to put up with Westminster, where MPs from the three other countries in the union can vote on purely English matters, but English MPs can't vote on theirs.

If you can be bothered, that is.

His main gripes are to do with the North Sea and that he thinks Westminster is draining Scotland’s resources..

@RougeNoirSquoval very true and when abroad I do my utmost never to speak English if at all possible.

Yes and that person is me

I've learned to keep a lid on it

[quote CuthbertDibbleandGrubb]@greycloudysky perhaps but pigs deserve more respect than to be compared with a plastic Scotsman.[/quote]
It means don't bother arguing with someone who just wants to argue. It's a saying.

Like I said before, I’m not objecting to him having his views, that’s fine and I share some of them.

It’s the fact he changed his nationality overnight, slags off his own kids for being the ‘wrong’ nationality, and is so aggressive in how he comes across - he will literally shout at you if you venture a different opinion even politely.

@HerbalTeaz

Like I said before, I’m not objecting to him having his views, that’s fine and I share some of them.

It’s the fact he changed his nationality overnight, slags off his own kids for being the ‘wrong’ nationality, and is so aggressive in how he comes across - he will literally shout at you if you venture a different opinion even politely.

Political yes. My dad was very political, he was always talking politics and used to shout at the TV a lot. I am very political because of it. My mum's side are also very political but for different reasons and are very anti English. There isn't much you can do, expect ignore it. He's obviously looking for people to vent at.

If he's subjecting young children to anti English rants and bigotry, then keep them away from him. I wish my mum had kept us away from the constant snide remarks or put her foot down about it, but she didn't.

If he gets really bad and refuses to change the subject, then leave. There isn't much you can do.

This is what the SNP does unfortunately. It divides families. It is very cult-like and no one is allowed to criticise the party. Try to just ignore him but easier said than done. Probably a complete waste of time to try the many counter-arguments such as yes the Tories are not great but an Independent Scotland is hardly financially viable. The Scottish Parliament has a lot of devolved powers that the SNP doesn't want to use fully (Income tax) as it would then make directly accountable to the electorate for what they raise and spend; and they would be no longer able to keep blaming everyone else (Westminster) instead.

@HerbalTeaz

Like I said before, I’m not objecting to him having his views, that’s fine and I share some of them.

It’s the fact he changed his nationality overnight, slags off his own kids for being the ‘wrong’ nationality, and is so aggressive in how he comes across - he will literally shout at you if you venture a different opinion even politely.

I think this bit about venting at his own children for being the wrong nationality (English) is crossing a line, maybe you should keep away in future?

I think you would do well to pop over to the relationships board and look at the Stately Homes thread, you will get some good tactics and people trying to manage similar situations (possibly not just politics but very difficult to manage a conversation and have any meaningful relationship with the relatives).

I have in laws living in an EU country. Me and my DH, despite voting remain and making our views clear, are spoken to as if we are solely responsible for Brexit. And the Conservative government. And Boris Johnson. We’re starting to see we are also getting criticism for the Oxford AZ vaccine (which we have nothing to do with)!

I think people need someone to blame for whatever, it doesn’t matter if that’s politics or not, anything to distract themselves from examining their own behaviour and making things someone else’s fault. Alcoholism or any dependency/addiction will aggravate this behaviour.

@dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby

I have zero opinion on whether Scotland should go it alone, it just doesn’t matter to me. I think what annoys me is his passionate promotion of the SNP despite the fact he is not Scottish and doesn’t even live there! It hurts that he shows more concern over a country he has next to zero links to, than he does over his own family, who are simply expected to go along with this bizarre fantasy as some kind of verbal punch bag. And that he clearly enjoys arguing about it with us, when we have told him how stressed it makes us.

I agree with the earlier description of the SNP as a cult. They cause division in families and encourage their supporters to jump on anyone who dares to disagree. I can't bear them. I think your father unfortunately has been sucked into the cult and if there is mental deterioration happening then him being an SNP supporter and buying into their persecution complexes won't help.

@Wellpark

I agree with the earlier description of the SNP as a cult. They cause division in families and encourage their supporters to jump on anyone who dares to disagree. I can't bear them. I think your father unfortunately has been sucked into the cult and if there is mental deterioration happening then him being an SNP supporter and buying into their persecution complexes won't help.

I don’t think he was ‘persuaded’ into the SNP via any kind of compelling arguments, I think he just ‘decided’ he was Scottish and SNP one day, and that was that. He showed no interest at all in Scotland before this, although I wonder whether his wife (who is from another Uk country, sorry being deliberately vague as this is all quite outing!) made him feel ‘boring’, and he decided to create his own more interesting cultural fiction.

@Rainbowshine

It’s infuriating isn’t it. I’m sick of being a proxy for the wrong doings of Boris and co. More than anything it’s just rude and entitled, feeling they can use us as a verbal punchbag to make themselves feel heard and superior.

You really don't have to engage @HerbalTeaz Ignore, ignore.
He's in another country, he has his wife. What positives does he bring to your life?
I recommend Out of the Fog forum for handling people like your father. It really helped me with mine.

@Fnib

You really don't have to engage *@HerbalTeaz* Ignore, ignore. He's in another country, he has his wife. What positives does he bring to your life? I recommend Out of the Fog forum for handling people like your father. It really helped me with mine.

Thanks, I will download it.

He brings nothing to my life. He’s so bitter and snide in everything he says, and he gave me hotel minis for Christmas last year. I was quite upset because it was a complete lack of thought, and told him this, which he then relayed to the family as ‘Herbal was upset because her present wasn’t expensive enough’. He’s a bloody minded dictator but he always manages to the play the victim.

@Wellpark

I agree with the earlier description of the SNP as a cult. They cause division in families and encourage their supporters to jump on anyone who dares to disagree. I can't bear them. I think your father unfortunately has been sucked into the cult and if there is mental deterioration happening then him being an SNP supporter and buying into their persecution complexes won't help.

I suppose as he is living in the EU and not in Scotland, he could have fallen in with a pro-SNP online social media group or expat group? Perhaps he is reading the pro-SNP newspaper: 'The National'. If he has alcoholism and is elderly...could be early dementia removing his filter....there really is nothing you can do but I agree with the other poster who said making anti-English remarks to your children is crossing a line and you should not allow him to get away with this. I would probably cut contact in your shoes.