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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Inheritance advice

77 replies

Anele22 · 22/03/2021 12:17

My DP and I are not married. We live in his house. I have a house too, in another city, which is rented out. I live on the income from the rent. We each have DC. When we die his DC will inherit his house and mine will inherit mine. My question is what happens if he dies before me? Do I have to move out? I accept that the house will ultimately belong to his DC and I don't have a problem with that. My issue is that it is my home and if he dies I become homeless. I don't want to move back to where my house is - my life is here. I don't want to sell my house as I live on the rent.

Does anyone have a solution to how I can stay in my current home until I die, without depriving his DC of their inheritance? Currently I feel like I'm a lodger here rather than an equal partner.

OP posts:
Anele22 · 22/03/2021 17:36

@blueberryporridge

To answer your question above, yes, it would be different if you were married to your DP.
How would it be different?
OP posts:
MadeOfStarStuff · 22/03/2021 17:46

YABU

If you want rights then get married. As an unmarried partner you have no rights to his property and nor does he to yours.

I also think it’s very unfair and extremely selfish CFery to block his DC from inheriting potentially for decades, because you want to live on your rental income while living rent free in his house rather than actually earn money and buy or rent your own home.

As PP have said, you need legal advice, he can put it in his will that you can stay there either for life or a fixed period after his death.

Andwereback · 22/03/2021 17:48

Are you leaving your property to be rented with the proceeds to go to your DP until his death before your children can sell it or access any money from it? Things have to go both ways. I know you are asking if it would make a difference if you marry but would you then leave your property to your DP and trust him to pass it on to your children after his death? If he leaves the property to his children with a lifelong tenancy rent free for you who pays for the inheritance tax or repairs etc? What situation are each of your children in? Are they on the housing ladder or will it prevent them from being able to buy one day? I think you both need to sit and discuss these things fully.

Anele22 · 22/03/2021 23:34

Maybe some more information is needed:

I left my job and moved to a different part of the country so that we could be together and he could keep his job. I haven't got another job because the rent from my house gives me a small income. I could get a job but if he dies in a dozen or so years I'll be in my mid 70s. I think it'll be hard then to move away from the home I live in, where we've made a life together, to return to my house. I could sell up but wouldn't be able to afford anything at all where we live.

As regards my house, I don't think he'll want it if I die first, as he already has a house in the town where we live. And he isn't interested in the tiny rent either as he has a lot of money already.

Am I a CF?

OP posts:
blueberryporridge · 23/03/2021 00:18

This summarises your rights when married as opposed to being unmarried.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

unfortunateevents · 23/03/2021 00:32

I still don't understand why you don't work? You say you could get a job but if he dies in a dozen years you'll be in your mid-70s - but what about now and whatever number of years you have already been together? Not being married leaves you in a rather vulnerable position with presumably limited financial resources from a house that you don't want to go back and live in - what would happen if you split up?

Lorw · 23/03/2021 00:50

Just put a lifetime interest in the house on his will, you’ll be able to live there till you die and then his kids will then inherit from that.😁

Emeraldshamrock · 23/03/2021 01:05

Yes you'd have to move in.

AnotherBoredOne · 23/03/2021 01:29

Can you buy a property together and move into that?
He then rents out the house you live in.
Protects your home if something happens.

AnotherBoredOne · 23/03/2021 01:32

Can you get married? To protect both of you

AnotherBoredOne · 23/03/2021 01:35

Another reason to get married is your rights if someone becomes ill and you are in hospital visiting or caring etc. you may get pushed away by family.
Planning funerals? You won't have a say.
I wouldn't risk it.
Get married, if you live together and have a life together this makes sense.

orpah · 23/03/2021 01:44

yes you absolutely are being a CF, since you asked. If this was the other way round, would you be happy for him to continue living off you, leaving your kids with nothing?

TheWitchersWife · 23/03/2021 06:11

Am I a CF?

I'm not sure if you really want opinions, and I always try to not get involved in any arguments on the Internet if I can help it.
But yes, I still think its CF behaviour.
I am not sure how long you and DP have been together or his age or health.

But I do think it's grabby to try and stop them inheriting the house so you can stay there rent free for possibly 20 to 30 years. I.assume you are late fifties to early sixties now. You even say you chose not to get another job because you decided to live off the rental income. There is plenty you could have done to protect yourself, like get a job or get married or have something put in his will. Some would have been your choice alone, like getting a job. Others would have had to have been a joint decision like getting married. But you should have made this decisions before the move and together.

You also say he has so much money that he wouldn't want anything that is yours, but you want to keep benefitting from things your DP has spent his life working for with just a quick brush under the rug comment that your possessions are yours and nothing to do with this conversation. Happy to protect your children's assets but not so much those of his children.
You can make changes right now but you have specified several times times you don't want to do anything to help your own future, you want your DP to sort it out for you to the detriment of his own children.

You mention if it was their Mum still living in the property then they'd have to wait for their inheritance, which is ridiculous, you are not their Mum, you don't mention how long you've been together but you could just be there dad's girlfriend of 2 years which doesn't even compare in the slightest.
Would I be upset if my Mom stayed in the home she jointly owned with my Dad? No. Would I be upset that my dad's girlfriend of a few years, who hasn't worked since they moved in together and says "he has a lot of money already" wanted to stay in the family home for years? Yes.
Totally different scenarios and you definitely can't compare the two.
It doesn't really sound like you could look after the property on your small rental income, can you pay the home insurance? Council tax? What if the boiler broke? It needs a new roof? Are all these repairs something you expect his children to pay for while you continue to live rent free for possibly many years?

Legally, I am definitely no expert, but with you being a girlfriend, not married, paying nothing towards the property in any way and nothing in his will for you, I would assume you are niot entitled to remain in the home.

I can see why it would be in your best interest to remain in the property, and if the adult children aren't that close with you, again, I can see why you would choose the future that benefits you and your children the most. But I personally wouldn't think it was fair, and looking at alot of the comments you have gotten most PPs agree. But really you need to speak to your partner and he'd have to change his will to accommodate you. While I wouldn't think it was fair, the only person who's opinion matters is the legal owner of the property.

Rollmopsrule · 23/03/2021 06:13

Honestly you do sound like a CF - well you did ask!
Your living rent free in his house and now your trying to devise a way to keep doing that once he dies delaying his children's inheritance. Nice

Billandben444 · 23/03/2021 07:36

Another reason to get married is your rights if someone becomes ill and you are in hospital visiting or caring etc. you may get pushed away by family.
Planning funerals? You won't have a say.
I wouldn't risk it.

Not true, OP needs to make sure she's added at the GP as his next of kin - we've done it as my partner's adult children live 250 miles away and we've been together 20+ years.
OP, you want to know your rights - unless your partner specifies your rights in a will, you don't have any to the house. If he is financially comfortable, has he stipulated an amount of money that will be yours if he pre-deceases you or made you the beneficiary to any pension? Has he made any financial provision for you in other words? It is unrealistic for posters to suggest you get a job as you don't need to work at the moment and it's not easy to get employment once you get to a certain age.

sunflowertulip · 23/03/2021 07:52

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all to discuss being able to stay until you die. My grandad did that for his partner who is only 10 years older than my mum. No one minds, it is their home (though paid for my my grandad) and of course she shouldn't have to leave. It will go to my mum when she dies.

skirk64 · 23/03/2021 08:36

The children should come first. If you die, your children will get the benefit of selling your house immediately. Therefore it's only fair that if he dies, his children get the benefit of selling his house immediately.

Think of it the other way round, if you die then you should make provision in your will that he gets the rental income from your house until he dies too. Your children get nothing until he dies. That sounds unfair but is exactly what you are expecting him to do.

FinallyHere · 23/03/2021 09:47

But he seems to think his DC would have to pay inheritance tax twice.

Goodness, that is so obviously wrong and so easy to find out the correct situation that I would be concerned that he is making excuses.

Would he really be happy for you to be forced out of your home when you were grieving his death ?

I would not want to continue living in his homes with that hanging over me. You have power here if he wants you to live there.

What is his total estate worth ? The first £325,000 is free of inheritance tax, that goes up to £500,000 if he leaves his house to a child or grandchild.

Jarstastic · 23/03/2021 14:15

I wonder if some of the advice would be different if the OP's source of income was from stocks rather than rent from a house.

What provisions have you made for each other in your wills?

Anele22 · 23/03/2021 18:33

@Jarstastic

I wonder if some of the advice would be different if the OP's source of income was from stocks rather than rent from a house.

What provisions have you made for each other in your wills?

Why do you say this? How would people react if my income was from stocks?
OP posts:
Anele22 · 23/03/2021 18:35

@sunflowertulip

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all to discuss being able to stay until you die. My grandad did that for his partner who is only 10 years older than my mum. No one minds, it is their home (though paid for my my grandad) and of course she shouldn't have to leave. It will go to my mum when she dies.
Yes, this seems reasonable to me. It's my home and we've been in a long term relationship. It seems odd that people think it's grabby of me to not want to just move out if he dies. As if I'm just a visitor.
OP posts:
FlyNow · 24/03/2021 02:05

No idea why people are being so harsh on OP, life interest in property is a thing and parents getting new partners is a thing. Yes dcs will have to wait for inheritance but inheritance is never guaranteed anyway. OP pays her way with her own income so not sure what the problem is here.

Having said that, I wonder if pp is right in saying DP is putting you off for some reason. His "questions" that are supposedly stopping him are something that are common knowledge or if not a 10 second google search away. Maybe suggest seeing a solicitor together.

caringcarer · 24/03/2021 03:01

My sister has 3 adult DC all with their own homes and her DH has 2 adult DC both with their own homes. My sister owns the house she and her DH live in and her DH owns another house they rent out. He pays half of the money he makes on renting out his house into family budget and keeps half. My sister and DH share costs of living in her house. Both.jouses are mortgage free. My sisters will stayed her house to be shared between her 3 DC but her DH has 'lifetime enjoyment' or until he remarried or lives with another partner at which point it is sold and her DC inherit. He has will stating his house will go to his DC but only after death of my sister. She will receive 1/2 of rental income for rest of her life or until she remarried or lives with new partner, at which point it will be sold and his DC inherit. They went to solicitor and had these wills drawn up and each DC has a copy of their parents will.

Baggagerack · 24/03/2021 03:24

OP you are focusing only on what happens if he dies but as everyone knows dying is not always as simple as here one day, gone the next. You need to consider what happens if either of you needs long term care or care home fees. How would they be paid for? Address all these issues now while you're in a state to do so & see a solicitor.

Blinkinblimey · 24/03/2021 07:13

OP can you get a job now to help cushion your finances if and when your partner dies?
I think the house / step children situation is a red herring. You need to provide for your own retirement - or get married!

Has DP nominated you to receive his private pensions?

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