what is too many hobbies/after school clubs for DCs to attend and which?

[Milosummer]

In expectation of things like that opening up again - was discussing with DM about signing up the kids again when things seem to blow up. In a normal week - DCs attend three clubs each - one sport, one musical instrument and chess/trampolining. But for some reason, DM got upset and was adamant that's too many and I should let kids be kids and only need to do sport anyway. This has left be a bit upset so I was wondering how many clubs do other DCs attend? Is three really too many? I've always tried to balance them a bit so not only sport etc

If they enjoy it and you can afford it and don’t mind ferrying them around then I’d ignore her. It’s probably just that it wasn’t the done thing in previous generations.

Surely it depends on the child's age. A 5 year old doing 3 clubs after school a week is very different to a 10 year old.

What do your kids want?

It depends what the kids want. My DS2 is 10 and only does 1 sport but it is 2 hours a day 5 days a week then extra for competitions. DS1 aged 13 does 3 different sports but actually ends up with more free time than DS2. As long as there is some down time at some point during the week Indont see the problem.

I'm firmly in the camp of "do what you can afford" in terms of time and £ spend, but it really depends on the child. Some find school tiring and really need the "downtime".

DD(13) was one of the busy kids, so the past 12 months have been very weird.

Having to juggle schoolwork and clubs has made her very good at organising her time and she has lots of discrete groups of friends in and out of school (so she rarely bothers about school friendship squabbles).

Well they really need to learn to swim, an instrument is great then another sport (some clubs would have more than one session a week) and maybe a uniformed organisation or youth group, that's easily five and wouldn't sound too much. Do what suits you and your family. Mine can't wait to get back to all their activities. Ds does triathlon so sometimes four times a week, keeps him off screens. It's not for your mum to comment on.

I think it totally depends on the child. My niece did an activity, sometimes 2, every night of the week plus weekend activities for much of her childhood and adolescence because that’s what she wanted to do. She was very focussed and committed to them but also did very well at school and had a good social life. Now as a young adult she’s still very into one of the hobbies and is pursuing it as a career. Her brothers on the other hand would have probably hated doing so many clubs and preferred having more free time. What works for one child doesn’t always work for another.

Next term mine will hopefully do...
Cubs
Swimming lessons (neither can swim well enough yet)
Cricket
And maybe watersports.

They still have loads of time for other stuff.

Surely this in down to individual kids? Pushy parenting is where the ideas are all yours and the kids resent doing them.
If their lives are too full they will get fed up. If they're begging to go do stuff then do it!
My eldest only did beavers and dropped out of that within months. Any other attempt at clubs were useless. She did weekly drama for a year in secondary school. Moaned every week even though her idea. My 6yo is autistic so nothing as yet, my 4yo also autistic and only just started reception this month. I'm considering swimming lessons for her on Sunday's.

I've heard a few parents whose children did lots of clubs say they will rethink it this year. So I'd definitely suggest a balance of scheduled and unscheduled activities is good. 3 activities sounds a good balance for mid-primary age children (you don't put the age of your children).

And why isn't trampolining a sport?

How does the trampolining chess work, don't the pieces all fall over?

I think DS has missed out more on after school clubs than schooling.

State Primary school really is limited for PE, so DS goes to after school clubs to make up for that (or did pre-COVID). As an only child, it's his chance to socialise with other kids from the local area as well as do the physical activities he doesn't get at school. Developing hand-eye coordination, general fitness, and social skills with peers away from school is important. He's tried different clubs from P.1 onwards and if he doesn't like one, he drops it.

Pre-lockdown (as an 8yo)
Football x 2
Swimming
Cubs
Archery

We do stuff with him as well but these are the regular clubs 4 evenings a week.

Totally depends on the DC and what they want.
My older DC always wanted to do everything, never tired after school. I think she was on about 4 clubs - swimming, brownies, instrument and performing arts at the weekend. Then swapped brownies for a sport one. Is on 5 or 6 now as she picked up some school sports (again, their choice)
My younger DC needs more down time and isn’t enthusiastic so he has one after school and one weekend. When swimming resumes though (shut for a year), it will be three

Depends how many your child wants to do surely.

We won’t do any for a while though because school alone seems to be overwhelming as it is atm

I think it depends on what suits each child and how many children you have to work round and how many people can do the drop off and collections, your work pattern, money etc etc. So it isn't fixed. I think it is good for children to have some down time and some time to do nothing.

Agree with everyone else in that it's up to the individual child and family circumstances... my DS is an only DC, I was a SAHM until he was 12 - I had the time, energy and finance to enable him to attend a number of clubs ... so long as the parents aren't run ragged driving them everywhere (or relying on other parents for lifts) and the DC enjoys the clubs - does it matter? I liked the fact that my DS met other children apart from just the ones he was at school with and it certainly widened his life experience and opportunities. As he got to 12 ish he settled on one 'main' hobby (cricket) but other interests have remained - chess, football, cooking - all of which are now useful now he is a Uni student and (pre Covid) could join societies and meet new friends ... and at least chess can be played online .

We did 2 a week up until 8 (swimming and choir) plus instruments (in school time) then dropped swimming and they chose various things, plus had orchestra on Saturdays. Do what you can afford and cope with making sure there's still sufficient family time

They need a balance.
Clubs are a form of lesson even the scouts type ones. They are adult led and the children are told what to do.

Clubs are great for sport and introducing activities schools don't.

However it is very important for a child what ever age to learn to play and entertain themselves. This is a key function in becoming a successful adult. They need to feel boredom and work out how to do something themselves to stop feeling bored. They need to play with peers or on their own without adult intervention to learn healthy risk and to be able to make decisions , think outside the box independently.

So both are very important. Having a healthy balance is perfect. There is the problem that when there are siblings involved the week can end up either being in a club or a child waiting for the other to do their club. This isn't great.

I would take him to as much as you can afford and they’re happy with. Mine did ballet, tap, swimming, gymnastics, martial arts, football, singing (not all at the same time but over they years they tried plenty of different things). They each ended up medalling in one of their sports at national level. Mine are small for their ages so aren’t very successful at school sports which are very biased towards bigger, stronger, kids, so having them do something where they are successful is great for their confidence and self esteem.

My 2 varied throughout their childhood (both late teens now).

DS wasn't really into much but did Beavers through to Scouts and became a Young Leader after that. He did the occasional club at primary, but they were only allowed to do most of them for a term. He did piano after school for about 5 years from Y1. At secondary he got really involved in singing so did a lot with that, but it was all organised through school.

DD started dancing at 2 (her request, repeatedly made), at 4 that turned into 2 classes a week (often both on a Saturday, but depended on timetable). She ended up with 3 classes a week for a while whilst in secondary, and at 16 she still has 2 a week.
She also did Rainbows through to guides and is now a Ranger and Young leader. Random clubs at primary, again for a term at a time.
She learnt piano for about 5 years and has just started learning the drums at school.

What ever they have done has always been at their request. WE have tried to fit things in as far as we can. Once started, I expect them to give them a reasonable try before giving up.

In their primary years my 3 DCs each did two/three instrumental lessons (some of them at school) plus daily practice at home, weekly cubs/brownies, weekly swimming lesson, weekly football, riding or tennis, weekly foreign language class, weekly art or horticulture group.

In the school holidays they did courses in cookery, skiing, swimming, riding, woodcraft.

We always kept Sunday free of organized activities as that's when we just would be together as a family.

As they got older, they dropped the hobbies they were less interested in, took up new interests, but all continued with some kind of music and sport.

If the children enjoy the activities, do what you have time and money for.

The kids seem happy enough - maybe a bit nervous about going back to normal life - isnt everyone. They are 6 and 8 and their school isn't very good at having extra-curriculum activities so I feel like it's our job to introduce them to DC. DM just thinks it's a waste of money and time and there is no need. As some people have said, it might just be a generational thing

Up to the individual child really.

Only thing I dislike is when parents force children to do hobbies that they dislike.

I let DS choose his hobbies, I'd never put him in one of my choice just because I think it's a good idea. Apart from swimming lessons which is non negotiable!

He only does swimming and Beavers at the moment but he's making noises about learning the drums so we will see when lockdown ends.

I do think pre pandemic there seemed to be a large element of 'let's keep the kids busy every day after school' and there would be a lot of talking by parents about how hard it was to coordinate clubs, rush from one to another etc and I hope it's become obvious how that's not so important, down time is OK ... I see what your DM is saying about let kids be kids but there can be a middle ground between something every day and nothing. We will go back to swimming and we have Cubs on a Friday. I think two things during the week when the weather is getting better and he'll want to stop at the park on the way home is enough. My DS is 9.

It's got nothing to do with your mum unless you're asking her to pay or ferry them to and from activities.