what is too many hobbies/after school clubs for DCs to attend and which?

[Milosummer]

In expectation of things like that opening up again - was discussing with DM about signing up the kids again when things seem to blow up. In a normal week - DCs attend three clubs each - one sport, one musical instrument and chess/trampolining. But for some reason, DM got upset and was adamant that's too many and I should let kids be kids and only need to do sport anyway. This has left be a bit upset so I was wondering how many clubs do other DCs attend? Is three really too many? I've always tried to balance them a bit so not only sport etc

I think your set sounds thoroughly appropriate, and likely to be at least partly guided by your children which is one of the beauties of out of school activities.

It's prompted me to think back to not just what my own children were doing at that age, but also what my sister and I did.

Me - ballet (various groups, predominantly as a form of physical therapy), music group from preschool age, swimming lessons from 6 (I'd had ear trouble). Then we added violin lessons. After I gave up ballet age 8 (physically reached my limits), my mother said she could stretch to me having piano lessons (I'd done a bit on my own). Age 10 we joined a youth orchestra. Swimming (in season) continued most years, at secondary I tried to train at school when I could - not very good but enjoyed it. Music stayed dominant (also played recorders). I never felt we were doing tons of activities. Just remembered Girls Brigade as well (brownies/guides were harder to get to from where we lived).

My younger sister didn't start ballet till I stopped, then kept it up till the end of primary, though only once a week as with all the music it would have been hard to fit in more, and was decidedly unaffordable. Swimming and music she did pretty much the same as me, a lot of our violin we did together (till she pulled ahead of me at the age of 10).

With my own children; Swimming lessons and violin lessons started when they started school, roughly. Choir was added shortly after when the eldest asked. Other afterschool stuff like brownies or school-based clubs from 6. My youngest wanted to do lots of after school clubs from year 3 but we had to pull him out of them when he got too tired (summer birthday). Reduced to twice a week, and piano lessons after school. Violin lessons were at home with me by that stage. After that year both became choristers so extra activities were almost entirely school based, but physical activity was an important part of that.

I think at lower primary age, the important thing is to not fill evenings up so much that reading and homework can't be done. But if you don't need to have them in afterschool care there is actually plenty of time. And if an activity appears to be a waste of money it is the parent who decides to stop!

Why does your mother even comment on what your DC do? My own parents are delighted that my DS plays cricket, they have spent many happy Saturday afternoons watching cricket and my DM even enjoys helping prepare the teas! It can give DGPs and DGC a real bond to have a shared interest.

@Ragwort she comments on everything but very very forcefully i.e. she spent two hours going on at me about it yesterday and eventually it gets to me probably because it makes me feel like am in the wrong if this is such a big deal for her. So yes, I clearly also have DM issues but thats for another thread.

I've never been one for loads of clubs. My ds goes to Scouts but that's it. I think it's good for them to figure out how to entertain themselves and learn things themselves. I have fond memories of my childhood playing over the park for hours with my friends, making up games, riding bikes etc. We'd have to learn the way to the places we went, learnt to keep track of time to get home for dinner etc. With every hour accounted for by clubs how to children ever learn things like this?

Just be careful you don’t force a child to do something they don’t like. It Is young to do three clubs and I speak as someone who has seen and experienced tiger parenting first hand.

I was in 2 school sports teams, took karate classes and was also in a choir and history club. I was also working at 13 it was just the way in my family, immigrant Chinese.

My brother forced his daughters to learn an instrument and they both hated it. Just don’t do that. My DD wanted to learn the piano but DS was adamant he didn’t want to so I didn’t make him. I know my brother viewed me as weak becuse I didn’t make him. Sometimes when you do what’s best for your dc you have to ignore your relatives.

As others say, depends on the child. And the family set up
Both mine had swimming lessons.
Ds did cubs/scouts.
And they both do martial arts.

Yeah don’t force it but if they enjoy it why not. In the old days kids would play merrily out in the street today their downtime for older kids often screens so time spent doing more structured things is probably a good thing.

Mine both did a small group French class all through primary which they quite enjoyed. State school so language provision was quite limited. Has made such a difference dd1 hit the ground running at secondary as was already confident and is now doing 2 languages for gcse and will choose one for a level. Those classes were actually a massive benefit.

Ideally - I would love them each to learn - a musical instrument, a foreign language, a couple of sports plus swimming, but it might be a bit too much though these are fairly valuable skills in life. Ideally, they'd do that at school but they really dont. Obviously, if they went to a private school then this would be totally standard but they don't so it isn't. But all the ferrying them around can get a bit much.

As so many have said, it will depend on the child, your budget, and your time, but 3 different things like that, spread across a week sounds very appropriate and normal to me

Presumably an instrument lesson is only 30mins.

Most swimming lessons are only 30mins - could be an hour if football or rugby or something
I presume chess and/or trampolining is only likely to be an hour too ?

Even doing 10 - 15mins a day practice, that really is very little time out of the week when you break it down.......
30 hours a week at school (for only 195 days a year)
Up to 12 hours asleep / getting ready for bed per day
Still leaves them over 50 hours a week, so taking 3 hours out of it to expand their horizons seems pretty reasonable to me.

I have to admit, I don't really get the fuss about wanting children to learn an instrument. I don't know anyone at all who knows how to play an instrument, adult or child. It seems to be really important to some parents on MN though.

@Waxonwaxoff0 - the musical instrument thing is as much about expanding their appreciation of music as getting them to a high level. everyone in my family plays except for me (i was really not very good and only ever did two years of piano) but i think it's a good general skill to have.

As long as that’s what they want and it’s not being forced on them then no, that’s not too much. You may find as they get older and schoolwork gets more stressful and they want more time with friends they may drop one or two but I would definitely encourage them to keep at least one. Just ignore her and do what’s best for you. My own mother had no interest in taking me to hobbies and I really feel like I missed out and lack confidence, so what you are doing is great for them! Your the sort of mother some children wish they had

I think 3 sounds fine. I agree with pp about the music lessons- my family were all musical and loved singing and I’m crap at singing. I was cajoled into years of flute lessons (I wasn’t bad and got to grade 7) but literally couldn’t have given less of a shit about it. Being encouraged to join a flute choir at 14 was the nail in the coffin. I now honestly can barely read music and can’t play a note on the flute. Many many wasted hours of music lessons! I did love brownies though and netball etc. Go off what the kids want!

DM just thinks it's a waste of money and time and there is no need. As some people have said, it might just be a generational thing

Well, I don't know how old your Mum is, but I grew up in the 60s and 70s, and my siblings and I all did swimming lessons plus Brownies (or Cubs for my brother), as well as the fact we all went along to football with my Dad on a Saturday and to Church and Sunday school as a family on a Sunday. So not sure it is anything to do with age / generation.