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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask which of these things your DC do?

74 replies

Ifixfastjets · 22/03/2021 07:25

If you have a dc aged 8 ish, which (if any) of the following do they do?
Any by choice?
Any encouraged by parents?
I was on the receiving end of a "throwaway " comment ..
I am curious as to how my dd compares

Get a glass of water
Make a glass of cordial/squash
Place baking potatoes in (cold) oven
Turn on oven
Take hot potatoes out of oven
Microwave some porridge
Wash a few dishes
Dry a few dishes
Put away a few dishes
Run themselves a bath
Wash themselves in bath
Wash their hair- short
Wash their hair-long
Dress themselves in weather appropriate clothes
Put dirty clothes in the wash
Put a load in the washer
Start the washer
Make their bed each morning
Change their bedding
Brush their hair and teeth
Tie their laces
Feed a pet
Make a sandwich
Make toast in a toaster
Make toast in a grill
Cross a minor road
Cross a major road
Go to a shop alone for one item eg bread with no road to cross
Help meal plan for a week
Help shop for a week
Buy ice cream from known ice cream van
Pack own sports kit/bag
Unpack sports kit for wash
Set alarm clock and get up for school
Mow a lawn
Fill a bird feeder
Put own folded clothes in their drawer
Fold own clothes
Hang uniforms for school

Wow... that wasnt supposed to be an essay
Nowhere have I said that my child does all or any of these.
There are some on the list which I expect.
And some that are "not allowed ".
Most are encouraged.

OP posts:
Ifixfastjets · 22/03/2021 18:17

Interesting all the people mentioning dyspraxia
Dd is dyspraxic, hypermobile and ASD.
She wasnt confident at walking until about 2 1/2
By 3 1/2; she tied her own laces.
Every time we were in the car, she undid them. And re-tied them. Her choice.
She still isnt the best walker now.
Yes, I guess a lot depends on the opportunity they are given.
I'm glad to see that most kids will at least try and do some of these tasks.
Sometimes I feel mean, when she is wrestling with her mattress. But I know she loves the physical fight. And will yell and cry if i offer to help. She can do it herself....

OP posts:
nokidshere · 22/03/2021 18:18

It's pointless trying to compare children because there are far too many variables. Then there are the parents own issues/experiences to add into the mix. All people may well have their own reasons for letting/not letting them do things which are perfectly valid for their family.

My two boys did very little beyond tidying up after themselves until they were about 10. They are perfectly capable and independent young adults now and need little, if any, input from me.

And actually what most people need to do is stop worrying about, judging and comparing what everyone else does or doesn't do, then the world might be a nicer place.

hopingforabrighterfuture2021 · 22/03/2021 18:18

My 8 year old son can do about 2/3 of that list. I wouldn’t let him do some of it unsupervised though. There are some things on that list that he could do, but I do them because it’s quicker.

Ifixfastjets · 22/03/2021 18:24

Lukasmummy
I can relate to a lot of that!

OP posts:
Dogsaresomucheasier · 22/03/2021 18:27

Mine is a boy, 8 next month.

Get a glass of water yes
Make a glass of cordial/squash can pour juice, but finds a squash bottle too heavy to manage reliably
Place baking potatoes in (cold) oven no
Turn on oven no
Take hot potatoes out of oven no
Microwave some porridge no
Wash a few dishes no
Dry a few dishes yes
Put away a few dishes no on basis he can’t reach
Run themselves a bath no
Wash themselves in bath yes
Wash their hair- short in shower, yes
Wash their hair-long n/a
Dress themselves in weather appropriate clothes can dress independently but needs guidance e.g it’s forest school you need a vest today
Put dirty clothes in the wash yes
Put a load in the washer yes, but not turn machine on
Start the washer no
Make their bed each morning yes but doesn’t bother
Change their bedding no
Brush their hair and teeth yes
Tie their laces not yet
Feed a pet yes
Make a sandwich yes
Make toast in a toaster yes
Make toast in a grill no
Cross a minor road yes
Cross a major road no
Go to a shop alone for one item eg bread with no road to cross yes
Help meal plan for a week yes
Help shop for a week yes
Buy ice cream from known ice cream van yes
Pack own sports kit/bag yes
Unpack sports kit for wash yes
Set alarm clock and get up for school yes
Mow a lawn no
Fill a bird feeder yes
Put own folded clothes in their drawer yes with nagging
Fold own clothes could but doesn’t bother
Hang uniforms for school ha ha ha

babybythesea · 22/03/2021 18:40

DD is just about to turn 8. She is in the process of being assessed for dyspraxia so her normal is not average, if that makes sense. She still can't turn clothes round the right way, for example. If her clothes are laid out she can get dressed but something inside out causes real problems.

Get a glass of water - yes.
Make a glass of cordial/squash - no, but she doesn't like squash so it doesn't come up. Will get herself a glass of milk though.
Place baking potatoes in (cold) oven - never come up. She could.
Turn on oven - no. Dyslexic with possible dicalculia. Can't reliably recognise numbers past 10.
Take hot potatoes out of oven - not a chance I'd let her. She's too clumsy. A slip at the wrong moment could seriously hurt her.
Microwave some porridge - see above. I don't let her carry full plates - food has slipped off too many times. Add heat - nope.
Wash a few dishes - yes, but I keep anything I don't want broken out of the way!
Dry a few dishes - see above.
Put away a few dishes - see above
Run themselves a bath - yes.
Wash themselves in bath - yes.
Wash their hair- short
Wash their hair-long - she wants to and tries but I supervise and help.
Dress themselves in weather appropriate clothes - she will go for easiest to manage rather than weather appropriate.
Put dirty clothes in the wash if I remind her.
Put a load in the washer - no.
Start the washer - no.
Make their bed each morning - she does and is very proud of it.
Change their bedding - no.
Brush their hair and teeth. ish. she does her teeth. Her hair is long and very, very curly. She couldn't do it without help.
Tie their laces - no way.
Feed a pet - yes.
Make a sandwich - she tries, I usually end up having to help.
Make toast in a toaster no
Make toast in a grill - no, but I don't do this either.
Cross a minor road - yes, with her older sister.
Cross a major road - no, but we are very rural. It doesn't come up as she's never yet been near a major road without me.
Go to a shop alone for one item eg bread with no road to cross - nope. But we don't live in walking distance.
Help meal plan for a week - I've never asked her. She'd probably just suggest her favourites!
Help shop for a week Not in the last year, she couldn't.
Buy ice cream from known ice cream van - she's never even seen one!!!
Pack own sports kit/bag - she does this but with help. I suspect that left to herself she'd forget something.
Unpack sports kit for wash - no.
Set alarm clock and get up for school She can't set it herself - she can't tell the time. And can't read digital numbers very easily. But she does get herself dressed for school in the morning.
Mow a lawn - no.
Fill a bird feeder - yes, with help
Put own folded clothes in their drawer - she has a go. It can cause frustration
Fold own clothes Nope.
Hang uniforms for school No.

MojoJojo71 · 22/03/2021 18:53

Get a glass of water - yes
Make a glass of cordial/squash - yes
Place baking potatoes in (cold) oven - yes
Turn on oven- yes
Take hot potatoes out of oven - no
Microwave some porridge - no
Wash a few dishes - no
Dry a few dishes - no
Put away a few dishes - yes
Run themselves a bath - no
Wash themselves in bath - yes
Wash their hair-long - yes
Dress themselves in weather appropriate clothes - yes
Put dirty clothes in the wash - with prompting
Put a load in the washer - no
Start the washer - no
Make their bed each morning - no
Change their bedding - no
Brush their hair and teeth - yes
Tie their laces - yes
Feed a pet - don’t have any
Make a sandwich -no
Make toast in a toaster - no
Make toast in a grill - no
Cross a minor road - no
Cross a major road - no
Go to a shop alone for one item eg bread with no road to cross - no
Help meal plan for a week - no
Help shop for a week - no
Buy ice cream from known ice cream van - yes
Pack own sports kit/bag - yes
Unpack sports kit for wash - yes
Set alarm clock and get up for school - no
Mow a lawn - no
Fill a bird feeder - don’t have one
Put own folded clothes in their drawer - no
Fold own clothes - no
Hang uniforms for school - no

Nodancingshoes · 22/03/2021 19:00

DS2 is 10

Get a glass of water - yes
Make a glass of cordial/squash - yes
Place baking potatoes in (cold) oven - yes
Turn on oven - no
Take hot potatoes out of oven - no
Microwave some porridge - no
Wash a few dishes - yes, but we have a dishwasher!
Dry a few dishes - yes, but we have a dishwasher!
Put away a few dishes - yes
Run themselves a bath - no bath!
Wash themselves in bath - yes, in shower
Wash their hair- short - yes
Wash their hair-long - N/A
Dress themselves in weather appropriate clothes - yes, with abit of guidence
Put dirty clothes in the wash - yes
Put a load in the washer - no (lol - wouldn't have a clue)
Start the washer - no
Make their bed each morning - no but would like to start this
Change their bedding - no
Brush their hair and teeth - yes
Tie their laces - no, he has poor fine motor skills
Feed a pet - yes
Make a sandwich - probably not, hes never tried
Make toast in a toaster - no
Make toast in a grill - no
Cross a minor road - yes
Cross a major road - not yet
Go to a shop alone for one item eg bread with no road to cross - not yet
Help meal plan for a week - no
Help shop for a week - yes
Buy ice cream from known ice cream van - yes
Pack own sports kit/bag - maybe, would need help
Unpack sports kit for wash - yes
Set alarm clock and get up for school - no chance...
Mow a lawn - lol
Fill a bird feeder - yes
Put own folded clothes in their drawer - yes
Fold own clothes - no
Hang uniforms for school - yes

My 15 years old doesn't do some of these things - I need to step up as a mum clearly!

crystalcherry87 · 22/03/2021 21:46

Pretty sure most 8 year olds can't and shouldn't be doing the majority of things on that list. Make a simple sandwich and drinks yes, taking hot food out of an oven and doing their own laundry is crazy. Mumsnet at its finest.

catsandchaos · 22/03/2021 22:17

Children cannot judge the speed of traffic at age 8

Singlenmumprobs · 22/03/2021 23:34

Wow. Mine does none.

WhereAreMyPants · 22/03/2021 23:51

At 8 years old my DS would have been able to get a glass of water, brush his teeth and wash himself in the bath.

Things like mowing the lawn and meal planning for the week seem way beyond the ability of an 8 year old Confused

SkankingMopoke · 23/03/2021 06:43

WhereAreMyPants why is meal planning too difficult? It says "help" with it, not do it entirely independently. This is something we do as a family each week, so that everyone gets to choose one or two meals as well as request the snack items they want. Granted, my 4yo will pick spag bol, carbonara, or spinach soup every week without fail as their choice, but the 6yo (nearly 7) is capable of choosing a better variety to work around what is already on the list (eg so we don't end up with 7 pasta dishes and is has a mixture of veggie/meat/fish meals). She has started to look through the cook books for ideas now too. It works well for us, as it stops a lot of the "I don't like this" whining (translation: it's fine, but it's not my absolute favourite) - when told that tonight is Daddy's choice, and last night we all had to eat your choice they are generally much more accepting of the food.

I must say though, DD1 is nearly 7, sensible, and keen to be independent, but I highly doubt in a year's time we will be close to letting her mow the lawn or get hot things out of the oven. Far too risky IMO, plus with the mowing I doubt she'll be tall enough.

rosechocolates · 23/03/2021 06:51

@crystalcherry87

Pretty sure most 8 year olds can't and shouldn't be doing the majority of things on that list. Make a simple sandwich and drinks yes, taking hot food out of an oven and doing their own laundry is crazy. Mumsnet at its finest.
Agree. Children being put in dangerous situations and surviving unscathed through luck doesn’t make you a good parent.
FireBelliedToad · 23/03/2021 07:18

Pretty sure most 8 year olds can't and shouldn't be doing the majority of things on that list. Make a simple sandwich and drinks yes, taking hot food out of an oven and doing their own laundry is crazy. Mumsnet at its finest.

My kids can because I was in an accident 18 months ago and unable to do the above. I couldn’t stand to cook, so they had to. Simple meals like packet pasta you add water to and stir; chopped peppers, tomatoes, cucumber, baked potato. I also couldn’t do the laundry so they had to. Ditto strip and make their beds.

I will admit if I hadn’t been in the accident, they probably wouldn’t do half the stuff that they never knew they could do!

rosechocolates · 23/03/2021 07:21

They were using sharp knives then?

Natsku · 23/03/2021 07:24

@catsandchaos

Children cannot judge the speed of traffic at age 8
They can cross at crossing points. I've taught DD to only cross the road when there are either no cars, or the cars have completely stopped to let her cross. If 8 year olds were so incapable I'd expect there to be a lot more crossing road accidents where I live as they are all crossing roads alone by 7.
Quornflakegirl · 23/03/2021 07:30

I have two 8.5 year-old girls.

Get a glass of water YES
Make a glass of cordial/squash YES
Place baking potatoes in (cold) oven YES
Turn on oven YES
Take hot potatoes out of oven NO
Microwave some porridge YES
Wash a few dishes YES
Dry a few dishes YES
Put away a few dishes YES
Run themselves a bath YES
Wash themselves in bath YES for the last 2 years
Wash their hair-long YES and blow dry independently
Dress themselves in weather appropriate clothes MOSTLY
Put dirty clothes in the wash YES
Make their bed each morning YES but not well
Change their bedding NO but they help
Brush their hair and teeth YES but I do school hair styles of their choice, like french plait etc.
Tie their laces NO, they've never had shoes with laces
Feed a pet YES
Make a sandwich YES
Make toast in a toaster YES, they make me toast in bed on Saturdays
Make toast in a grill NO
Cross a minor road YES
Cross a major road NO
Go to a shop alone for one item eg bread with no road to cross OCCASIONALLY
Help meal plan for a week NO
Help shop for a week YES
Buy ice cream from known ice cream van NO
Pack own sports kit/bag YES
Unpack sports kit for wash YES
Set alarm clock and get up for school NO
Mow a lawn NO
Fill a bird feeder YES
Put own folded clothes in their drawer YES
Fold own clothes YES but not well
Hang uniforms for school YES

I deleted things that don't apply to us

MissingLinker · 23/03/2021 08:46

Agree. Children being put in dangerous situations and surviving unscathed through luck doesn’t make you a good parent.

Unless people are getting children to cross roads and use ovens without any practice or forewarning, they aren't being put in dangerous situations.

I've not pushed my kid towards an oven and told her to crack on. They've been shown how to do it safely, what to do if something does go wrong and has been observed practising it enough times for me to know that she knows what to do.

There are lots of things on that list that an 8 year old doesn't NEED to do but, assuming no SN, I'd expect that they're at an age where they can learn most of them if taught.

FireBelliedToad · 23/03/2021 09:14

They can cross at crossing points. I've taught DD to only cross the road when there are either no cars, or the cars have completely stopped to let her cross. If 8 year olds were so incapable I'd expect there to be a lot more crossing road accidents where I live as they are all crossing roads alone by 7.

I wonder if I used to live near you Natsku! My DC we're also taught to wait until the wheel stops. There are always poster campaigns around term start reminding drivers to stop completely at crossings.

They were using sharp knives then?
Yes, rose of course they were. But I didn't just throw a knife at them and say get on with it. My kids didn't start school in the UK. I didn't realise it, but one of the things they should have known before starting pre-school (at 4) was how to cut an apple safely. I got pulled in by the teacher and told to teach my eldest ASAP because he'd refused to use the sharp knife.

Natsku · 23/03/2021 09:31

Sharp knives are much safer than blunt ones anyway. DD was expected to have a proper sharp knife when she started scouts at 7, they explained it has to be sharp.

They put up signs here every August reminding drivers that little children are walking to school - the sign says don't drive over me! @FireBelliedToad

Saracen · 23/03/2021 23:36

One of my children did all of those things bar one at the age of eight.

The other did only a few of those things at the age of eight.

All children are different. Take them as you find them. You are the parent; you know what they can mange.

Ifixfastjets · 10/04/2021 15:44

Interesting range of abilities, opportunity and opinions.
My 8 year old can do most of that list.
She does not go near a hot oven, as she is clumsy and forgetful.
But she loves to prick potatoes, put them in a cold oven and turn it on.
She expects to have a turn at anything me or her older (teen) brother are doing.
So she has learned to mow lawn. (Not left to do the whole big garden on her own, but she can do a couple of rows while we watch).
Usually, when its dishes time, I wash and they dry between them. Putting away as they go.
I used to dry dishes from about 5 or 6.
She picks her own clothes. A small war would start if I tried to dress her. Other days, I have to choose which plain grey sock goes on which of her feet... asd.
She likes to get herself a ready meal in the microwave. She puts a plate i front of it and uses oven gloves to slide the plastic dish on to the plate. And carry the cold plate.
She understands that clothes need washing. Can load washer. Add cleaning stuff. Select "mixed" and start it.
But cant put her worn clothes in the wash.
Not in the bathroom basket. Not by her bedroom door. Not in the kitchen, near the machine.
She is the most independent child i have ever known. Sometimes i feel robbed as her mum!
We all offer suggestions to a meal plan. Ds would have pizza every day given the chance.
They have a couple of meals they like to cook together, so often suggest those.
They choose breakfast cereals.
Fruit, snacks.
I started this thread as i was feeling very down, about a comment from a "health professional ".
She said i was a bad parent to dd.
I was brought up to listen to children. If they ask "can i do that? " "can i try?"etc, then you would explain how to do it safely, a step at a time and supervise them. If they managed it , they could have another go next time.
If it is something they cant do... eg dd wants to drive the car. Let her sit in the driver seat, bum all the way back, belt on.
Oh no, you cant press the pedals.
You tried, but you weren't big enough.have to try again another day (in 10 years time!)
If a child wants water and can reach the sink and a suitable container, why cant they get water? Especially if I am in the garden, out of earshot... mowing the lawn. She would get 3 plastic beakers and fill them all. One each for us all.
My dd never complains about being "given too much to do". She is desperate to join in and gets extremely upset if she isnt allowed to have a try at things.
I know most things are done faster/to a better standard when not done by an 8 year old. But how else will they learn? Surely our job as parents is to teach them to be independent, among other things? Obviously, nobody expects a baby to make his own milk... but learning as you grow is good.
When dd was in reception class, we had a picnic. The kids had to give us a "menu" and we would choose our "dinner". The kids would then make and serve is sandwich.
About half the kids could do it, as had done it before. It was new to the others. And I expect showed the parents something the kids could do at home.
Same with making a bed. Ds had a school residential in junior school.
Out of a class of 30, there were 2 kids who had no idea how to make their bed.
The others soon paired up and helped each other with quilt covers or managed on their own. They helped one boy with his bed, as he generally helped other kids with other things. The last (very spoilt) boy, nobody helped to start with, as he spent most of his time causing trouble for everyone.
Eventually, they gave him simple instructions and he managed.
I know some kids need extra/different help. My 14 year old godson cant tie laces. He has a lot of health issues. His mum was changing his bed one day, and I said we would do it. Let "sam" have a go himself. There is no rush, I will help him, while you do the girls beds. Sam put his quilt in his cover. He was so proud, and smiled about it for several days. (Note, the girls are even more disabled than sam!)
But just because I didnt rush home from work, put my pinny on and start making a full dinner for dd (school dinners), I am a bad parent. My dd should not be allowed to make porridge or toast. Or a sandwich. Or snack on fruit and veg. She should not be responsible for putting her school uniform in the wash. I should be running around as her slave until she leaves home.
Picking up everything she drops/leaves.
Never teaching her to do things herself.

And well done to the little lad who had to learn to cut his own apples at pre school.

OP posts:
Iveforgotten · 10/04/2021 15:50

Get a glass of water yes
Make a glass of cordial/squash yes
Place baking potatoes in (cold) oven yes if asked
Turn on oven yes if asked
Take hot potatoes out of oven wouldn’t be allowed
Microwave some porridge yes
Wash a few dishes yes if asked
Dry a few dishes yes if asked
Put away a few dishes yes
Run themselves a bath yes
Wash themselves in bath yes
Wash their hair- short yes
Wash their hair-long yes
Dress themselves in weather appropriate clothes yes
Put dirty clothes in the wash yes
Put a load in the washer yes if asked
Start the washer yes if asked
Make their bed each morning yes if asked
Change their bedding with help
Brush their hair and teeth yes
Tie their laces yes
Feed a pet yes
Make a sandwich yes
Make toast in a toaster yes
Make toast in a grill not allowed
Cross a minor road yes
Cross a major road not allowed
Go to a shop alone for one item eg bread with no road to cross yes
Help meal plan for a week not had opportunity
Help shop for a week no
Buy ice cream from known ice cream van yes
Pack own sports kit/bag yes
Unpack sports kit for wash yes
Set alarm clock and get up for school yes
Mow a lawn not allowed
Fill a bird feeder yes
Put own folded clothes in their drawer yes
Fold own clothes never tried
Hang uniforms for school never tried

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