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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit peeved at friend asking me to babysit for her???

43 replies

Ineedacleaner · 08/11/2007 11:26

A friend of mine, a good friend but not VERY close if that makes sense has asked me to babysit for her in the middle of this month. I don't mind babysitting for anybody if I can but this request has got me a bit annoyed.
She wants me to look after her 3 children so she and her DH can go out on the anniversary of their first meeting. The thing is that my DH works away from home and is due home next week, he will have been away for a month by then and is only home for 5 days well 3 full days at home one either side includes travel.
When she asked me to babysit she didn't know he would be at home then so she is either expecting me to get someone to look after my own children to go and look after hers or more likely to have hers overnight.

Now I have my own 2 dd 4 and ds 18 months and she wants me to take her 3, her ds 9, her dd1 2 and her dd2 4 months. I don't really have anywhere to put them all and her ds does have some issues at the moment WRT anger and aggression and although he has never ever kicked off for me it is a big ask on top of her new baby etc.

AIBU to think it is a bit much to ask this of me?? I think she thinks it is even better that my dh will be home but he is home for such a short time that it will take a lot away from the time he gets to spend with his own dc's and I would have to shift everyones sleeping arrangements to get them all in.

It sounds awful to say this but I would be more likely to do it if it was their wedding anniversary or something rather than the anniversary of their first meeting, I am not precious about these things so maybe it is just me though.

OP posts:

chopchopbusybusy · 08/11/2007 11:30

Don't do it. You don't really want to and it's inconvenient. Tell her your limited time with DH at home is precious. If she is that keen to celebrate the anniversary of meeting her DH she should understand your point of view. Tell her you'll babysit another time but not that night.

Meeely2 · 08/11/2007 11:30

I can only hazard a guess at the kind of response you are going to get to this - but heres mine.

You could have said no....if it isn't convenient you are entitled to say well actually I've got my three, not sure I can manage yours. She will then have to ask someone else.

I would like to think if i asked my friends to babysit they would be honest with me if they couldn't do it - not say yes then mither about it later on.

Also if you do this favour for her, surely then she owes you so it could work in your favour.

Flame · 08/11/2007 11:31

She asked you... not demanded. Just say no.

Maybe with a DS at 4 months she is just desperate to get out as a couple and she had no-one else to ask.

You can't do it though - no big deal, just say so.

MyEye · 08/11/2007 11:32

I think it's a very big ask.
I would just say you don't think it's doable. Best to say no quickly, so she can find someone else, and not get too worked up about it.

casbie · 08/11/2007 11:36

looking after a four month old is a full-time job in it'self.

just say 'no, sorry'

Original poster

Ineedacleaner · 08/11/2007 11:36

I didn't say yes yet I tried to call her the other night and ask for details of exact night and stuff and she wasn't sure and still hasn't called me back yet. THe thing is it is not that I don't want to do it, I know it does sound like that but I just think it was a big ask, she has her mother 4 miles away and her sister 5 minutes away.
And I know that there is now way she would or could return the favour because of the situation with her ds and his anger etc. She couldn't cope throwing my 2 on top of that.
I am just not sure if it is just me that sees it as a bizarre request or not. I know I can say no and if she doesn't tell me soon when it is exactly then I will have to because DH and I will want to make plans for his 5 days home.

OP posts:

macdoodle · 08/11/2007 11:39

Wow YANBU a big ask a 2 year old a little baby who will probably wake at night and a difficult 9 year old, with your 2 little ones and DH only home for 3 days...blimey why would she ask please say no and honestly tell her it is too much ...not even sure I would ask a grandparent this one..maybe my very competent very close younger sister with no kids of her own and only for a very special occasion...

Elffriend · 08/11/2007 11:40

Yes, you are being a bit unreasonable to be peeved that she asked. She only asked. don't get me wrong, I completely understand why it would be inconvenient/a problem for you and so I think yo would be extremely reasonable of you to say no, you cannot do it. Surely this is is a non-contentious and a no-brainer? Why has it upset you enough to have to post on the internet?

e14mum · 08/11/2007 11:41

I don't think she's unreasonable in just asking- and you aren't either if you can't do it. Legitimately, which is obvious from your situation. I think she will understand.

Original poster

Ineedacleaner · 08/11/2007 11:41

They only got married 6 weeks ago as well and had babysitters on that night. I do understand that with their ds they do need a break and I would be happy to take even one of them but the logistics of 5 kids for 2 days one night is just a lot, can't go out in the car not big enough, So I will be slinging baby, 2 toddlers in a double buggy and her ds and my dd walking which in itself is a nightmare cause they will be running riot or esles I have to stay in the house with them all which is not big enough for me not to turn to drink after them all running about.

OP posts:

Elffriend · 08/11/2007 11:42

So say no then. End of.

SoupDragon · 08/11/2007 11:42

I don't know why you're saying that it's not that you don't want to do it. You clearly don't want to do it. So don't. Explain that you'll only have a short amount of time with your DH and you can't do it.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 08/11/2007 11:49

YANBU, it's a huge request, I wouldn't do it. Why doesn't she ask her mum or sister?

wayneta · 08/11/2007 11:56

Just say no yanbu

Flame · 08/11/2007 11:58

When did it turn into 2 days and 1 night?? It was a night out before...

If your DH was away then you would HAVE to have them overnight (or they come collect them from you when they return), if you wanted to do it with your DH home, then you can go there surely?

Maybe her mum and sister have plans themselves?

I had to snigger at the wedding bit though - how dare they have babysitters on their wedding night?

Swedes2Turnips1 · 08/11/2007 11:58

YABU for being peeved that you have been asked by your friend to babysit. However, YANBU to say no to this request.

puppydavies · 08/11/2007 11:58

yabu to be cross that she asked, yanbu to say you can't do it.

wayneta · 08/11/2007 11:58

Just say no yanbu

Swedes2Turnips1 · 08/11/2007 11:59

Puppydavies - Great minds think alike and at precisely the same time!

bozza · 08/11/2007 12:08

I think in this instance you should definitely say no. TBH I am {shock] that she is basically sending a 4mo baby on a sleepover. I really think what she is asking is a lot whether or not your DH is home.

puppydavies · 08/11/2007 12:09

lol s2t1 did you pick your username just after your veg box arrived?

DynamicNanny · 08/11/2007 12:11

Well I think your being a little unreasonable - they only want a night out.

Why don't you see if you can get a babysitter for an hour or two and behave like a babysitter - when they go out - call your DH and snog on the sofa etc - and then he can go back to your kids, then when you get in that evening you can continue where you left off.

SoupDragon · 08/11/2007 12:12

If she asked you to sit "so she and her DH can go out on the anniversary of their first meeting", how come she doesn't know details of the exact night?? Anniversaries tend to be fixed, that's the point.

brimfull · 08/11/2007 12:15

stop harping on about it-just say no

magnolia74 · 08/11/2007 12:16

I have my sisters close by and my mum but we still struggle to find a babysitter

I think she was probably asking but not expecting you to say yes to be honest. I would love to ask one of my friends but they all have their own kids so I always think they will not be able to do it.

You obviously don't want to so just say no!

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