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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit peeved at friend asking me to babysit for her???

43 replies

Ineedacleaner · 08/11/2007 11:26

A friend of mine, a good friend but not VERY close if that makes sense has asked me to babysit for her in the middle of this month. I don't mind babysitting for anybody if I can but this request has got me a bit annoyed.
She wants me to look after her 3 children so she and her DH can go out on the anniversary of their first meeting. The thing is that my DH works away from home and is due home next week, he will have been away for a month by then and is only home for 5 days well 3 full days at home one either side includes travel.
When she asked me to babysit she didn't know he would be at home then so she is either expecting me to get someone to look after my own children to go and look after hers or more likely to have hers overnight.

Now I have my own 2 dd 4 and ds 18 months and she wants me to take her 3, her ds 9, her dd1 2 and her dd2 4 months. I don't really have anywhere to put them all and her ds does have some issues at the moment WRT anger and aggression and although he has never ever kicked off for me it is a big ask on top of her new baby etc.

AIBU to think it is a bit much to ask this of me?? I think she thinks it is even better that my dh will be home but he is home for such a short time that it will take a lot away from the time he gets to spend with his own dc's and I would have to shift everyones sleeping arrangements to get them all in.

It sounds awful to say this but I would be more likely to do it if it was their wedding anniversary or something rather than the anniversary of their first meeting, I am not precious about these things so maybe it is just me though.

OP posts:

TinyGang · 08/11/2007 12:19

It's clearly too much for you. (It would've been for me too btw when mine were all that age).

She chanced it and asked. Maybe she should thought it through, but anyway you must say 'no not this time' make up an excuse if you have to, but tell her soon so she can make other arrangements. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. You have enough on your plate atm.

LilRedWG · 08/11/2007 12:21

I do think you are unreasonable to be "peeved", but not at all unreasonable to say no. I'm sure she didn't ask you to upset you.

Original poster

Ineedacleaner · 08/11/2007 12:43

I can totally see why the ones that have said i ABU say that. I suppose the reason I am peeved is not that she asked but that if the roles were reversed she would say no because her DH was away yet she felt it ok to ask me. I know she didn't ask to upset me it is just something I would not ask of someone in the same situation so was a bit shocked that she thought it was a reasonable request.

OP posts:

christie2 · 08/11/2007 12:53

I think your not so much peeved as surprised to be asked because most people will not ask someone with 2 small ones to take on 3 more small ones-overnight. That is a big ask! A few hours is a big ask. I had a similar experience this summer with a woman became friends with. I have 5 10 on down to 2 and she has 1 who is 3 but high maintenance if you know what I mean. the first time she asked me to watch him while she went to the doctors-ok. Except she drops him and tells me it is the first time he she has left him with someone which was a bit unfair but we did fine. She asked again for a few hours I said ok. Then she asked me to keep him all eveining while she and her dh went out for a romantic evening. I was so shocked she asked, I blurted out a yes and felt like you do-ok, peeved is the right word, and mad at myself for saying yes and being a doormat. It was tough to get this child asleep, all mine were asleep and I was still dealing with this kid. He never stayed anywhere before and, frankly, he was terrifed. I did get him to sleep and they came home and raved about the concert and their fun evening and carried him home. The next time she asked, I said no. Haven't done it since and she now asks other people in our group and I find they are all starting to say no. MY biggest issue was the fact she would ask someone with 5 kids to add to her burden!

casbie · 08/11/2007 13:53

i think if you have a big family (we have three children) then you almost 'have' to pay for a young person to help with baby-sitting...

even though we have a generous extended family and babysitters to call on, we still find it difficult to go out as much as we would like to.

Eliza2 · 08/11/2007 14:45

Have I missed the point? Why can't she just get a babysitter if it's such a special night?

Pannacotta · 08/11/2007 14:54

Agree with ELiza2, she should get a babysitter and pay her, its way too much to ask of another mother with her own LOs esp given the situation with your DH....
I woudl tell her you cant do it and explain why.

lucyellensmum · 08/11/2007 15:32

I am not married so i celebrate the anniversary of our first meeting in that way. But i wouldnt dream of asking a friend to babysit, especially under the circumstances you describe. You need to stand your ground here, say NO.

mazzystar · 08/11/2007 15:36

yabu to be actually peeved/annoyed
because you could - and in my opinion should say no

LazyLinePainterJane · 08/11/2007 15:38

Errr...she didn't do anything wrong. She asked you to babysit and you said yes. However, circumstances have changed so tell her that you are sorry but you cannot hold your agreement.

It seems that you are angry at the circumstances, not your friend.

LazyLinePainterJane · 08/11/2007 15:40

Just read that you haven't even accepted yet!

Talk about making a mountain out of a small pile of dust...

LilRedWG · 08/11/2007 16:14

Ineedacleaner - I agree it is a strange request but don't let it get to you, just say no and forget about it.

frostymorning · 08/11/2007 16:20

YANBU, I'd just say no, it's not possible. She asked you which is fine but it is also okay for you to say no. FWIW, I wouldn't ask one of my friends for a big favour like that except in an extreme emergency.

PippiCalzelunghe · 08/11/2007 16:32

def too much to ask IMO. do not be upset though and just say no. whatever reason, although you do have a good reason. we do celebrate our first date as well but as I am sure it is only important to us I would not expect anyone to have to put up with my DC, and I have only one.

alicet · 08/11/2007 18:10

If you don't want to do it don't. You are not obliged to do this. Don't do it then complain about it -this would make you unreasonable. But YANBU to not want to in the circumstances you describe.

kimi · 08/11/2007 18:15

I think you are going to have to tell her you cant do it and explain that you need time with DH and your family, give her enough time to get another sitter.

Minum · 08/11/2007 19:09

There are plenty of sitters out there - lots of teenagers and others happy to babysit - theres no need for contorted arrangements with friends who have their own family needs to take of. YANBU.

ssd · 08/11/2007 19:16

Ineedacleaner, I'd be annoyed at this request and I wouldn't do it

YANBU

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