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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this personel or not ! AIBU

27 replies

gg12346 · 20/03/2021 21:09

Well I am thinking of freezing my eggs since I think I might regret not having s 2nd child in the future .DH finds out today since he was using my laptop in emergency and was quite furious .He said he has the right to know if I at all take a step like this .Well the reason I avoided telling him because immediately he would rush to have a 2nd child and I am mentally not prepared at the moment .The lockdown has been hard on me and my child and I think I need to take over work and start working ,So basically I am in two minds .Also DH has a short temper nature and I wonder about our future .So I hided .Is this wrong ?

OP posts:
Sosigsandwich · 20/03/2021 21:11

It wouldn't enter my head to hide something like that from my husband. I think the fact you would speaks volumes about your relationship tbh.

Easterbunnygettingready · 20/03/2021 21:12

Could he have thought you were thinking ahead and he wouldn't be the df...?

Original poster
gg12346 · 20/03/2021 21:16

Sosigsandwich Yes, you are right .My relationship with my hubby is complicated but its not a straight way thing .DH has been honest and lovely father to my only child but his temper irriates me a lot to be honest .He has a short temper and the reason I hided from him because I am two minds myself and I know DH since he longs for a sibling for our child and this uncertain thing will definitely put him off since he is like , either you are having it or not having it .

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 20/03/2021 21:16

I’m confused?
Are you asking if it’s so personal that you should be able to keep it private?
I’m guessing DH isn’t the father of your child as you say “my” child.
I wouldn’t make a decision about this without discussing it with my DH.

ChequerBoard · 20/03/2021 21:18

Do you really think it's acceptable and normal behaviour to plan to have your eggs frozen without discussing it with your life partner??

I'm actually worried about you OP? Are you frightened to talk to your DH about this?

gettingfedupagain · 20/03/2021 21:19

Egg freezing isn't very successful at all. Embryo freezing is much more successful if you want an insurance policy.

The fact you can't discuss this is a big concern.

Original poster
gg12346 · 20/03/2021 21:20

Yes I am chequerboard .Thats a yes from my side .

OP posts:
CreosoteQueen · 20/03/2021 21:20

I think in a normal situation this is something a person would discuss with their husband - it’s a big step to keep secret from a life partner. I think the fact that you’re worried about his temper is a worrying sign.

ChequerBoard · 20/03/2021 21:23

OP do you mean yes you are frightened to discuss this with your DH?

Original poster
gg12346 · 20/03/2021 21:23

yes , you got it .

OP posts:
ChequerBoard · 20/03/2021 21:26

Are you generally frightened of him or just his reaction to this subject?

Wolfiefan · 20/03/2021 21:26

If you’re scared of him then you need an exit strategy OP. This isn’t about eggs.

EL8888 · 20/03/2021 21:27

Your body, your choice. At least it takes off some of the time pressure. But as someone else said eggs often freeze that well, statistically embryos would be better.

Okbussitout · 20/03/2021 21:27

I think freezing your eggs has been shown to have fairly poor results as a way of prolonging fertility. So you might want to research this more. Also what do youean by scared to discuss it?

EL8888 · 20/03/2021 21:28

I meant eggs often DON’T freeze / defrost that well

TakeYourFinalPosition · 20/03/2021 21:29

If you’re scared of him, you need a plan to leave, not to freeze your eggs.

Also, I was offered egg freezing funded by my employer at 26. The clinic said there was no point to it. The success stats were woeful.

GabriellaMontez · 20/03/2021 21:29

Yanbu.

I wouldn't do this without discussing.

But people have different kinds of relationships. And you are not compelled to share this info. Esp if you are scared.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/03/2021 21:31

I would be having a very serious rethink about the marriage before getting into freezing eggs, honestly.

Original poster
gg12346 · 20/03/2021 21:32

I am not frightened of him but just his reaction to this subject .I DONT FEAR HIM .( please if anyone is thinking in this direction ).Sorry for incorrect language use .DH and I Have been married for 12 years now and have a DS who shall be 7 now .DH has a short tempered nature which switches on and then off ,because of which we had fights sometimes.

OP posts:
ChequerBoard · 20/03/2021 21:36

Doesn't sound great OP, you say you have fights, you are worried about his temper and are actively scared to have a serious conversation about delaying having a second child.

Sounds like a really unhealthy relationship.

Wolfiefan · 20/03/2021 21:36

Adults don’t have short fuses and fight.
Your child doesn’t deserve to live in the middle of this.

user1473878824 · 20/03/2021 21:37

Well if you’re just worried about this one issue and not in general: I’d be fucking furious if my spouse tried to hide this from me.

AuntieStella · 20/03/2021 21:37

It's very unlikely that you would be able to get through the harvesting process without him noticing. Plus you would need to have pretty separate finances if you think you can pay for this without him noticing.

If you are scared of him, it might be better to out that money into the foundations of a new life where you are not scared.

If your 'yes' was to the more general point that you think it's OK not to tell partner then I disagree with you

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 20/03/2021 21:44

Well in a normal loving relationship if you ask me the you would BU to not say you were thinking about this but it sounds like you might be in a relationship where you don't dare talk about some things so YANBU if you're scared he'll go mad.... Only you know if you can have a reasonable talk about when and how you want another child but if you really feel you have to hide things that you are just looking into doing because you're scared of what he'll say to you having thoughts about something then it might be a good plan to not have more children with him at all.

OmniversalSpecies2021 · 21/03/2021 03:45

He has a temper that irritates you and his attitude to YOU re another child is either you are having it or not having it?!!!!

It sounds to me as though a secret part of you wanted to keep this from him because you don't trust him to behave like a supportive partner.....and for some reason you don't feel able to be assertive with him or confident in your own self?

Is there a part of you that's been thinking about a future without him?
Cos that's what i perceive reading between the lines?