To ask you if your 3 year old is a nightmare dictator

[Llamasinpajamas]

Long time lurker.

DD 3.10 is a nightmare at the moment. Belligerent, won’t say sorry just goes into a massive grump, always wants their own way. What’s to do constantly f}#€#$ role play which kills me especially as I’m never doing it right so have her moaning and chastising the whole time. When I ask to do puzzles, colour, watch TV she gets pissy and says she wants to do role play but just moans.

Gorgeous baby, average toddler but is now killing me. Every day every thing seems to be a negotation. I know this is normal (probably) but PLEASE tell me yours at the same?! I need some solidarity!!!

I have a two year old dictator. Not quite the same but you have my sympathy!

Yes my DS is the same. Wants to control everyone. Which room we go into, how long we spend in it. I have no advice but he’s just the same.

Mines 3.5 he’s fine until about 4pm then he’s in charge apparently. I do my best to discipline but basically distractions is all I’ve got. I do hope he grows out of it!

4.5 year old is the same. And also doesn’t listen to a single bloody word I say. Horribly
defiant- even when it’s to his own detriment.

It’s awful actually - I’ve become quite very very short tempered in the last 6 months because of the constant drip drip of my patience being tested. And it IS constant.

Am currently trying Being Avery Firm About Everything in an attempt to reinstate some discipline/appreciation that there is one adult in the house, and that’s me.

He just laughs. I despair.

Yep - DS will be 3 in a few months & he's definitely in the 'threenager' years.
Thursday morning's tantrum was over his breakfast. He wanted to finish it & screamed & cried. I'm such a mean mummy! Except he'd already finished his breakfast 30mins earlier - I even showed him the empty bowl, but no, he was adamant he hadn't eaten it & still wanted to eat it 🙄

LOL at “quite very very”

It’s very very. No “quite” about it

Yes, same age and same traits.

Hang on in there I’m sure it’ll pass!!!

This evening I needed ds to let go of something and he just kept saying you let go mummy no you. He’s bloody good at arguing I’ll give him that

My dd2 was like this when she was 3. I never used to be able to play Peppa Pigs to her exacting standards! I think she might have grown out of it...

Yes definitely. She wants to control what room we are all in, how we get there, who is walking with who etc, who is holding hands with who. She always wants to choose which parent does what etc. It's very challenging. I hope it passes. I've got in my head that it's all sunny uplands from age 4 onwards. I hope that turns out to be the case.

Sympathies

Absolutely the same here. My almost 4 year old is constantly on the brink of rage. And my tolerance is low after a year of homeschooling the other two. What makes me feel better is my middle one was exactly the same and is now really quite reasonable (just turned 6 but has been out of the dictator phase for a year or so).

This too shall pass. But it's infuriating. Solidarity

They can only be dictators if you let them.

1. Dont try and make them say sorry.
2. Don't play with them so much. 10 minutes of your undivided attention once or twice a day is enough. They can play alone or help with household chores instead.
3. Don't negotiate. Offer a couple of options and let them decide whether to accept one.
4. Prevent behaviour that you really don't want by removing the items rather than telling off or lengthy explanation.
5. Ignore any relatively harmless bad behaviour
6. Model the behaviour that you want, rather than telling them to do it
7. Remove most of their toys, just leave a few things out at once and rotate, it helps them play with it better
8. Spend as much time outdoors as possible
9. Spend as much time with other people as possible

A lot of this is probably a manifestation of lockdown frustration!

Mine tried to be until I remembered i was bigger than him and could pick him up and put him on the step

Sorry I jest , which is mean because I absolutely fo remember the frustration. I honestly hadn't the same from DS2 ( DS1 was a dream at that age so it came as a shock!).

It gets better i promise (I won't tell you that ds1 turned 8 and apparently into Kevin the teenager overnight....I thought I had a few more years !).

Honestly DS2 at that age would have made most dictators cry , surrender and promise to go away quietly and open a bakery if he would just stop.

He is quite lovely now (err well mostly...I mean let's not be hasty)

OP, my kids is exactly the same age and yes, dictator. She is so demanding, constantly wanting things her own way, cannot accept what we say and will not listen when we say no despite clear boundaries. She is funny, sweet, bright and playful but atm I find it hard to like her as she is constantly testing us.

BTW the we do all the things above but still have no idea how to handle her atm

@SnackSizeRaisin

1. Dont try and make them say sorry.

1. Don't play with them so much. 10 minutes of your undivided attention once or twice a day is enough. They can play alone or help with household chores instead.
2. Don't negotiate. Offer a couple of options and let them decide whether to accept one.
3. Prevent behaviour that you really don't want by removing the items rather than telling off or lengthy explanation.
4. Ignore any relatively harmless bad behaviour
5. Model the behaviour that you want, rather than telling them to do it
6. Remove most of their toys, just leave a few things out at once and rotate, it helps them play with it better
7. Spend as much time outdoors as possible
8. Spend as much time with other people as possible

A lot of this is probably a manifestation of lockdown frustration!

What she said!

I don't put up with bullshit like this from my 3yo. I think what helps in a big way is we are out for hours and hours most days. 1.5hrs in the morning, 2 hours in the afternoon, as a minimum (weather permitting). She also goes to preschool a couple of mornings a week.

I also have a 2yo so it's not like I'm on easy street either.

I hold my hands up and say we did indulge dd2’s style of dictatorship because it was so new to us and we were thrown off by it! Dd1 was totally relaxed and easygoing and didn’t have tantrums! Looking back I wish we had been a little firmer with her. We were all just a little staggered by her confidence and I think (being very easygoing myself) a little dazzled by her boldness! You live and learn!!

Yes. Mine are 17 and 21 and I'd forgotten this. My DC were known as Diddy Dictator and Tiny Tyrant.

Don't worry, it passes!

20:42SnackSizeRaisin

^

Is on the money.

Especially point 4: 'Prevent behaviour that you really don't want by removing the items rather than telling off or lengthy explanation'.

Case in point, we just bought DD a new bike. She's desperate to go down the big hill on it. Meltdown extraordinaire because we said no. So now we just go bike a different way (removing the bike altogether is the next step, but see conflict with point 8 - Re.: Outdoors and Fresh Air!)

Thanks all. Glad to know it’s not just me! It’s things like getting dressed- used to be easy and now she will only wear certain things, refuses to wear things previously she would insist on wearing etc etc. Killing me! She’s still lovely sweet funny etc but I feel like I’m eggshells so much of the time. @SnackSizeRaisin thank you for those helpful points. I’m going to try all of them!

Omg this takes me back to one of mine. I think the only point not covered is "can you show me how you'd like the role play to go"? Then copy. Although she will probably have changed her mind my then anyway. . It does pass but gawd it's painful!

I solved all of this by having 4 DDs, the youngest 3 very close in age. I never as to play and just hid doing lots of feeding, cleaning, clearing up etc etc.

Extreme measures I grant you.

It will pass!!

Mine gets like this sometimes. I turn him upside down and tickle his armpits until he squeals at me to stop. It usually works but he's relatively easy-going on the whole.

What really gets to me is the "Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!" every five seconds. When it's called over and over again from another room, I feel like I'm about to explode .

He's also started saying "Not right now Mummy, I'm busy" when I ask him to do something. Which is, admittedly, something we say to him occasionally. So he's just repeating it back to us. It's still infuriating.

@MessAllOver I get ‘in a minute’ a lot which I definitely say... her newest thing is ‘I’ll do what I want’ which drives me MAD and I 100% do not say especially given that I can’t even play Skye from Paw Patrol or her school teaching the way I want

@SnackSizeRaisin

1. Dont try and make them say sorry.

1. Don't play with them so much. 10 minutes of your undivided attention once or twice a day is enough. They can play alone or help with household chores instead.
2. Don't negotiate. Offer a couple of options and let them decide whether to accept one.
3. Prevent behaviour that you really don't want by removing the items rather than telling off or lengthy explanation.
4. Ignore any relatively harmless bad behaviour
5. Model the behaviour that you want, rather than telling them to do it
6. Remove most of their toys, just leave a few things out at once and rotate, it helps them play with it better
7. Spend as much time outdoors as possible
8. Spend as much time with other people as possible

A lot of this is probably a manifestation of lockdown frustration!

I have tiny dictator DD 2 years old.
I've fallen at the first hurdle 😩
I always ask her/get her to say Sorry!!