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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was terrified.... Possible TW

44 replies

TVDFan · 20/03/2021 07:43

Yesterday evening, just before 6pm (still light), I took our dog for a walk around the estates.

As I emerge right from an alleyway between two houses, there is a man walking towards me. He was wearing his hood high up and a face covering of some sort so that only his eyes could be seen.

As we were walking towards each other, he didn't take his eyes off me and made no effort to move over slightly (I was as far left as possible). He wasn't just walking, he was charging.

I was terrified, felt incredibly uncomfortable. I thought he could easily take my dog, easily drag me back to the alleyway.

After we passed each other I kept looking over my shoulder. He had stopped and was looking back towards me. I have never felt so vulnerable in my whole life. I phoned my husband who came running to meet me.

WIBU to be so scared? I did have a little cry when I got back. I genuinely felt like something terrible was about to happen and have never felt so helpless/vulnerable Sad

OP posts:
CaroleFuckingBaskin · 20/03/2021 07:46

How horrible. I would have been terrified too. The only advice I can give is that I hold my bunch of keys between my fingers sticking out and can use them as a weapon if needs be

FrankButchersDickieBow · 20/03/2021 07:48

No yanbu. I have been in the same position and it was horrible.

TillyTopper · 20/03/2021 07:48

That's horrible, so sorry you had to go through that OP. Good that your DH came running. Possibly he was a horrible guy who wanted to scare you but would do nothing. I used (pre CV19) have to walk from the train station to my car in a car park in the dark, I found an alarm gave me more confidence.

Binjob118 · 20/03/2021 07:53

That sounds scary. I had a similar incident a few weeks ago, a man with hood up and mask appeared to change direction to follow me. I quickly crossed over to be near another person. I really think masks can increase the fear because not being able to see someone's face means you have no way of judging how scary/drugged up someone is.

CatsNotDogs · 20/03/2021 08:14

What is TW?

noblegreenk · 20/03/2021 08:16

@CatsNotDogs

What is TW?
Trigger warning
Nancylovesthecock · 20/03/2021 08:17

Trigger warning

mara456 · 20/03/2021 08:21

I’m sorry OP. It sounds like he did that on purpose, maintaining eye contact, not moving over, because he knew it would scare you and gets a kick out of it. Especially with everything in the news recently, and women sharing their stories. Most (decent) men would try not to scare a woman. But a certain type of man will do the opposite.

toffeebutterpopcorn · 20/03/2021 08:24

Most likely being a dick. Funny how they wear the mask when they want to do that isn’t it?

AntennaReborn · 20/03/2021 08:29

I had similar happen to me, and it's terrifying.

OP I strongly recommend the book "the Gift of Fear". Pre-COVID I had to do a lot of travelling and walking on my own, often in hours of darkness, and this book really opened my eyes and gave me some good strategies to use

Branleuse · 20/03/2021 08:37

He did it on purpose to intimidate you.
Im glad thats all it turned out to be. Id be shaken up too

dragonsmoke · 20/03/2021 08:39

That's really horrible and was quite scary reading it! I'm sorry that happened to you. It could have been drugs.. I've seen that a lot where someone who is high will 'charge' like that and emit a really nervous or unpredictable energy. He could also have just been a horrible aggressive arsehole.

Glad you got home ok.

BigFatLiar · 20/03/2021 08:44

If you were watching him coming towards you and you kept looking over your shoulder to see what he was doing perhaps he was standing thinking 'crikey what a weirdo, wonder why she was watching'. Perhaps he thought he knew you and was going to speak but wasn't sure 'was that TVDFan?'

Who knows

LizzieMacQueen · 20/03/2021 08:48

What has this world come to that not only do we worry about attack and rape but now dog theft too!

thosetalesofunexpected · 20/03/2021 08:51

Could you carry a rape alarm.

Body deodorant spray could be potential used to spray in someone face,

Also check out Suzi Lampagh. Charity for advice on women's safety issues

this a charity set up by Suzie Lampagh mother, her daughter worked for a estate agent who was abducted whilst going to meet a client.
This charity details are online.

Look up to find out about women's safety self defence or martials arts class in your area look on the internet.

sillysmiles · 20/03/2021 08:55

WIBU to be so scared?

No.
You were the one in the situation and only you can judge and it's important to trust your instincts. It's impossible for anyone, even you in the situation, to say whether he is being a twat and trying to frighten you, whether he was genuinely dangerous, or any other combination of scenarios.
The important thing is you felt afraid. It's important that we listen to and trust womens experiences without trying to justify a mans actions.

Jessbow · 20/03/2021 09:03

I think its really difficult to judge, sorry you felt scared....

He was striding towards you....if he had slowed, would that have un-nerved you even more?

He kept his eyes on you. ....Maybe if he had looked away , THAT would have given you the collywobbles too ( He didnt meet my gaze/deliberately looked away )

Maybe he realise he had un-nerved you ( by his very existance) and was looking back over his shoulder to see you were okay- you were doing exactly the same thing- looking over your shoulder.

Try and build your confidence a bit. Most of the time Men are NOT a threat by their simple existance

Thecathouse · 20/03/2021 09:09

What type of dog do you have? Is it big enough that teaching it to bark on command would act as a deterrent to anybody thinking of causing you harm?

I never go out without my two big dogs and I taught them to stand in front of me and the child and bark loudly and intently when told protect (bark is less serious sounding when you give the command but for my dogs means the same thing, they are generally friendly)

So sorry you experienced this, I would have been out of my mind terrified OP

BigFatLiar · 20/03/2021 09:14

WIBU to be so scared?

Course not. Anyone (either sex) can be scared, feelings are not necessarily rational and don't let people put you down for being afraid. The only thing I'd suggest is try not to let the fear run your life.

BigFatLiar · 20/03/2021 09:19

I never go out without my two big dogs and I taught them to stand in front of me and the child and bark loudly and intently when told protect (bark is less serious sounding when you give the command but for my dogs means the same thing, they are generally friendly)

If you teach your dogs to go in front and bark to protect do you not risk running foul of the dangerous dogs act. I'm sure there's a legal beagle can advise but I suspect that the mere fact you're teaching them to protect may be an issue. I don't think they have to bite merely to cause fear to be classed as dangerous. May be wrong, maybe someone can advise.

OscarWildesCat · 20/03/2021 09:22

Why are you asking if you were unreasonable to be scared?, if you’re scared, you’re scared.

YesIDoLoveCrisps · 20/03/2021 09:24

@CaroleFuckingBaskin I saw this, apologies for the tiktok link, it’s a better way to use keys as a weapon.
vm.tiktok.com/ZMeBkV1BF/

Yellowhighheels · 20/03/2021 09:30

Maybe he was on drugs but I've noticed a bit of an increase in men catcalling aggressively, shouting at me, walking close. I wonder if it's in response to recent news, as if to say 'I will treat women how I like, i don't care what is being said'.

nitsandwormsdodger · 20/03/2021 09:30

What a horrible man men really need to be educated about how to behave in ally ways etc

zzizzer · 20/03/2021 09:30

It's incredible how sometimes someone's presence can feel chilling for no rational reason at all, let alone "big threatening shape running towards me".

On the other hand, isn't there that game, the one where you should try steadily walking and keeping your path by not avoiding men walking towards you - then see how many will pretty much bash into you as they usually expect you to move? (Which is to say its pretty normal for men to assume you'll get out of their way).

He may not have realised how creepy it came across, especially while wearing a mask, and glanced back a few times after seeing your expression. Maybe he'll be a bit more self-aware next time.

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