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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH called me rude and inconsiderate

48 replies

LiJo2015 · 19/03/2021 20:33

Scenario - watching TV with DH, son (11 years), myself and 7 month old daughter. Im playing with daughter, obviously both making noise. DH gets arsy as its interrupting TV. I say this is the family room and he knows not to expect to watch tv in peace if he wants to actually watch a programme properly. He expresses that son wanted to watch it too. He later says my actions were rude and inconsiderate, that we have a big house and i can go elsewhere to play with daughter and god forbid actually make noise!

This has royally fucked me off. God forbid i actually do do something rude and inconsiderate!

But... am a being the twat here or is DH the twat?

OP posts:
SquigglePigs · 19/03/2021 20:39

He's being ridiculous. It's the family room. If DD is awake there is no guarantee of peace and quiet. If it was something super special ( like a sports final of something the follow together) they could ask for you to take DD away but otherwise no. Anything else can be half watched or watched at a time she's asleep if it's important.

noworklifebalance · 19/03/2021 20:46

I am with your husband on this one.

From what you say, you have a house big enough that you can enjoy playing with your daughter and leave your DH and DS to watch tv together.

Easterbunnygettingready · 19/03/2021 20:48

My dc have a habit of faffing about in front of the TV. Not a good habit to start... Yabu on this one op...

milinhas · 19/03/2021 20:48

I’m with your husband I’m afraid - I do think you were being inconsiderate and you could have gone elsewhere. Unless you have multiple TVs and he could have gone to another living room?

noworklifebalance · 19/03/2021 20:49

More I think about it the more I realise how much it would annoy me if my husband and DC started playing a game in the same room as me when I was trying to concentrate on a programme when they could easily do it in another room.
So, yes, inconsiderate but it doesn’t seem that you were intentionally so.

CastleCrasher · 19/03/2021 20:49

If they were watching TV first then I think YABU. Was there any reason that you needed to play in that specific room rather than another? I wouldn't expect other family members to be silent in the family room/play room if TV was on, but I would find loud noise inconsiderate if someone was watching something (and I rarely watch TV)

Flowers24 · 19/03/2021 20:51

Yes he is right if he and your son were watching you could play elsewhere

UserTwice · 19/03/2021 20:51

Agree with your DH. If you have a house big enough to play with your daughter somewhere else, then it's polite not to disturb other members of the family. If you were trying to do something quietly, would you be happy if he kept making a noise and disturbing you.

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 19/03/2021 20:52

YABU that would wind me up! Go and play somewhere else and let your DH and DS watch telly together in peace

Shnuffles · 19/03/2021 20:52

I'd be annoyed if someone started making noise in a room where I was watching TV. Why not play somewhere else, if you knew you would be making noise? It would be different if you were already playing and he came along and demanded silence-- unless that is the room with the best/biggest TV. In that case, it would still be rude to monopolise the "TV room" when someone else wanted to watch TV.

ItwasmeIswear · 19/03/2021 20:53

Sorry but I think you're being unreasonable. This would annoy me so much.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/03/2021 20:53

Hang on here pps...

OP and her “D”H have a baby together. He wants to be able t sit and watch tv in peace with easy older child, while op not only takes sole responsibility for the baby but is banished to another part of the house to do so, like a pesky servant.

Yanbu OP

Presumably you’d hoped that baby care was a joint think, and maybe wanted to watch the film too?

Nandocushion · 19/03/2021 20:54

YABU unless you have a TV in several other rooms. You can play with a baby anywhere and I imagine it would be more comfortable on a bed really.

MadMadMadamMim · 19/03/2021 20:55

YABU. He's watching tv with your son.

Why did you need to be in that room? Presumably you could have been playing anywhere with the baby.

You were rude.

NiceGerbil · 19/03/2021 20:56

He can go somewhere else then. I imagine you have more than one telly. If not you can get one.

If he thinks that's not right because he should have the whole family room on his terms then he's being a total dick.

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 19/03/2021 20:56

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Hang on here pps...

OP and her “D”H have a baby together. He wants to be able t sit and watch tv in peace with easy older child, while op not only takes sole responsibility for the baby but is banished to another part of the house to do so, like a pesky servant.

Yanbu OP

Presumably you’d hoped that baby care was a joint think, and maybe wanted to watch the film too?

Just because they have a baby together doesn't mean they have to be joined at the hip 24/7.

He's perfectly entitled to watch TV with his son. Presumably, he'll also spend equal quality time playing with the baby another time while OP spends time relaxing with their son?

WorraLiberty · 19/03/2021 20:56

YABU if they were watching TV first and you started playing afterwards

I wouldn't fancy having to up sticks and move to another room in the middle of what I was watching with one of my DC, because someone else decided to start making noise with the other.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 19/03/2021 20:58

YABU I'm with your DH on this one as well

UserTwice · 19/03/2021 20:58

OP and her “D”H have a baby together. He wants to be able t sit and watch tv in peace with easy older child, while op not only takes sole responsibility for the baby but is banished to another part of the house to do so, like a pesky servant

It's quite normal for families (particularly ones with such a large age gap) to do activities where the parents take one child each. If DH was never the one to look after the baby your point would be valid, but based on the limited info the OP provides, you are extrapolating massively.

WorraLiberty · 19/03/2021 21:00

"Pesky servant" 😂

Such a 'Mumsnet Madness' type reply given the tiny bit of info the OP has given.

Original poster
LiJo2015 · 19/03/2021 21:02

Thanks for responses. Always good for wider perspective. Im going to get down off my very tall horse and smudge my war paint (just a little) and wave a white flag in his general direction.

OP posts:
shiningstar2 · 19/03/2021 21:03

The needs of an eleven year old and a seven month old are very different. It's good for an eleven year old boy [or girl] to bond with his father. It's good for a baby to play. If you have a big house and there is a television in another sitting area maybe your dh and ds could decamp to another room. However, if they are mid film they are interested in then it would probably be more convenient for you and baby to go to another room. If this is the only tv room it seems reasonable for you to go to another room so that they can enjoy their film. If you had been watching with ds and it was your partner who wasn't interested in the film, would you think it reasonable for him to be making fun noises with a baby while you tried to watch? Of course no-one can expect a completely quiet house when there is a baby in it but if you have a big house it seems reasonable not to unnecessarily disturb a film others are definitely watching.

NiceGerbil · 19/03/2021 21:04

I think that when there's a 7 month baby on the scene then it's out of line to expect peace and quiet.
To expect the mum and baby (and the 11 year old?) to leave the family room to do what the baby needs (obviously it's not going to sit quietly and watch the telly!)
That means the mum and baby have to go elsewhere whenever the baby is awake and he wants some quiet?

That's not great.

How much does he do with the baby OP?

Brefugee · 19/03/2021 21:04

you only have one TV? you're being U making a noise while people are watching TV. You could have played anywhere.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/03/2021 21:05

Were they already watching it when you started playing noisily?

He wasn’t watching it by himself ignoring both kids, he was spending time with your son.

The poster assuming he never interacts with the baby and is a useless husband and father is typical but reaching a bit based on what’s been said.

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