AIBU to be irritated by ostentatious attempted wokeness?

[DoinmeEdin]

Colleague has discovered gender politics and is getting on my last nerve.

It started out as dropping random observations into unrelated conversations eg when others are talking about what to have for lunch she'd say: "some people don't think there's any difference between men and women. I think they're right" which I ignored, thinking she's got three kids herself so probably has a fair idea as to how it all fits together.

But now it's progressed to her constantly referring to every single person as they/them in a very pointed way with a little glance to let you know in doing so she's doing something terrifically progressive. Eg "I've asked Jane if they can put their document in the shared folder" or "Pete said they've forgotten their keys". It doesn't even make sense and sounds unhinged.

AIBU to find this grating?

I thought we had to refer to people by their chosen pronouns? So unless these people have said they want to be referred to as they rather than he or she it's pretty rude of her.

You could point that out?

Or otherwise, wilfully misunderstand her. Ask her whose document she's asked Jane to put in the folder, or who Pete said had forgotten their keys?

Sounds like they're attention-seeking, just ignore.

I would have a laugh with it and either ignore it, or respond to the “people think men and women are the same “ with a light and airy “oh? Which people?” Or probably just a “oh right”
With the “they are”” they’re” nonsense I would deliberately misunderstand “sorry, Peter said who had forgotten his keys?” “Peter did” “oh ok, you said Peter said they’ve forgotten their keys, it sounded like Peter was telling you that someone else had forgotten their keys”

Or in reality I would probably just roll my eyes and ignore her and then think of saying these things to her hours later.

some people don't think there's any difference between men and women. I think they're right"
Such an incredibly dumb thing to say, I'd avoid her like the plague.
No head space for idiots.

Ha! The attention seeking didn't work so she is escalating. Watch out for next escalations. I predict her sitting on your keyboard, batting pens out of your hand and even knocking things slowly off your desk.

This is not wokeness.

She's not a cat!

Or rather, they're not a cat. Not that there's any difference between cats and women. Or men. If there are such things as men or women.

Gosh, it is confusing, isn't it.

@custardlover oh I know it's not wokeness. But I think it's a misfired attempt at wokeness that she wants us all to notice. I think what she's doing is showing us that she is gender-blind and therefore when she sees a bloke in front of her (telling her he's forgotten his keys) she genuinely is so far from seeing that he is a bloke that she will not even presume what his pronouns are and therefore is using neutral pronouns for him.

Are you felinephobic? How do you know she's not a cat? You do realise you might have been sharing your work kitchen with a cat for years without ever noticing?

Does she wear a lot of black leather and hang out with Bruce Wayne?

What happens if you just casually drop a ball of wool? Or a crinkly bit of paper? Got a spare box?

[quote DoinmeEdin]@custardlover oh I know it's not wokeness. But I think it's a misfired attempt at wokeness that she wants us all to notice. I think what she's doing is showing us that she is gender-blind and therefore when she sees a bloke in front of her (telling her he's forgotten his keys) she genuinely is so far from seeing that he is a bloke that she will not even presume what his pronouns are and therefore is using neutral pronouns for him.[/quote]
What's the fucking point of that, and why would she presume any normal person would appreciate it? 🙄

She is ridiculous and offensive. Ignore. If it gets really bad you could act offended that she assumed your gender. Except that might turn into mandatory pronouns.

@GreyhoundG1rl i think the point is either like I say to emphasise her own gender-blindness or it's the start of a one-woman crusade for all of us to cease assuming gender and refer to everyone as they/them.

Or alternatively she could just be fucking with us and waiting to see if someone comments.

That last is doubtful though as she has a history of similarly ludicrous performative stunts even though they backfire. For example she went through a phase of referring to a colleague as "Afro-American" in order - I assume - to avoid saying "black". Trouble is he was neither African nor American. She did get taken aside and had words with over that.

I'd start leaving drawing pins on her chair personally

She's obviously not the brightest button in the box

'they' sound bonkers.

Smile and ignore.

Maybe make other friends or go for a nice walk at lunchtime

Oh I do ignore in that I don't respond. There would be no point after all. But it's annoying!

I voted YANBU and that was before I saw the update about her referring to a colleague as “Afro-American”. Why not simply refer to the person with their given/chosen name? Why was it even necessary to refer to the person’s wrongly assumed race? Assuming she’s not a police profiler or something (not a very good one BTW), I can’t see why she would do this 🙄 I’m glad someone had words with her over that one.

Her “ludicrous performative stunts” (I think this is a very accurate description) seem utterly tedious OP, I hear you.

I know, I know, there's no reason to refer to anyone's race in the context of discussing work logistics etc. And she'd certainly never have dreamt of talking about "the white person in accounts". But the implications of what she was doing in light of this all of this completely passed over her head.

Do you have to work closely with her? How easy is it to ignore her and zone out? Just thinking of headphones if at all possible!

Maybe your colleague is trying to find the courage to tell you that they are transitioning?
Or, given that it seems to be done for your benefit, perhaps they think you have transitioned, or are about to and this is their way of letting you know that you have their full support?
Either way it sounds bloody hilarious and I don't know how you get through those conversations without laughing

@30PercentRecycled

Are you felinephobic? How do you know she's not a cat? You do realise you might have been sharing your work kitchen with a cat for years without ever noticing?

Does she wear a lot of black leather and hang out with Bruce Wayne?

What happens if you just casually drop a ball of wool? Or a crinkly bit of paper? Got a spare box?

I think I love you!

@30PercentRecycled

Are you felinephobic? How do you know she's not a cat? You do realise you might have been sharing your work kitchen with a cat for years without ever noticing?

Does she wear a lot of black leather and hang out with Bruce Wayne?

What happens if you just casually drop a ball of wool? Or a crinkly bit of paper? Got a spare box?

Minerva? That you?

It started out as dropping random observations into unrelated conversations eg when others are talking about what to have for lunch she'd say: "some people don't think there's any difference between men and women. I think they're right"

😂😂😂

@GreyhoundG1rl

some people don't think there's any difference between men and women. I think they're right" Such an incredibly dumb thing to say, I'd avoid her like the plague. No head space for idiots.

I'd have pretended to take her literally and started explaining!

This they/them thing is doing my head in 🤬🤬 We’ve been encouraged/told to add this to our signature at work but fortunately I’m leaving soon and am hoping that my new employer won’t be suggesting something so bonkers! Believe it or not though, I actually attended a webinar recently where the bloke said as his opening ‘Hi my name is Pete Smith, pronoun he/him’ I was flabbergasted 😂 Name changed obviously.