To think you can judge a man by what porn he looks at?

[Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed]

For example some men look at videos, extreme porn. While some look at images only of woman by themselves. Does it depend on the man?

It isn’t just men that watch it. But people on these porn threads keep ignoring that. A Marie Claire commissioned survey reported that 30% of women watch it sometimes. 2/3 watch it alone.

Finding naked (adult) people sexually arousing is a human thing. People shouldn’t be shamed for that. Most porn isn’t made by trafficked or coerced people.

Yes you can judge someone by the type of porn they look at. Most people, unless they are asexual, are attracted to certain characteristics and behaviours.

Looking at "regular" porn is just a natural extension of this, no different to a woman eyeing up a man behind her sunglasses at the beach.

Clearly someone who looks at child porn or animal abuse is on a completely different level to someone who looks at softcore stuff featuring models who have willingly been photographed and were paid to do so. Saying otherwise is like saying you judge everyone who drives at 70mph equally, whether it was down a deserted motorway or being chased by police in a 20 zone outside a school at home time.

Many people have an instant "yuck" reaction to all porn. It's ironic but this is largely down to a misogynistic society having raised them to see their bodies as shameful and disgusting. Consequently they are unable to see that viewing and even participating in porn is just a natural extension of human sexuality.

You don't have to feel ashamed of who you are, what choices you've made, and shouldn't judge others by the choices they have made.

@converseandjeans

I don't think I would want to be with a partner who watched violent porn, rape scenes, S&M etc.

But you could happily be with a man who watched 'softer' porn despite the face the women involved have almost certainly been subject to violated rape

Clearly someone who looks at child porn

Can we stop using the term “child porn”? It’s child abuse and rape, the fact that some men wank off to it, doesn’t suddenly make it porn.

@converseandjeans

I don't think I would want to be with a partner who watched violent porn, rape scenes, S&M etc.

You're not sure though?

@Naunet

Clearly someone who looks at child porn

Can we stop using the term “child porn”? It’s child abuse and rape, the fact that some men wank off to it, doesn’t suddenly make it porn.

Good god yes to this. Despite it being said on many many threads over many years people, women mostly, are still so conditioned by both men and the media that they are happily minimising child abuse. It's fucking crazy.

@LucieStar

And the way these women scoff at others who say their husbands dont watch it, like we're deluded morons.

Who on this thread has done that?

This said on every single thread on this subject. My DH doesn't watch porn. I am 100% sure about this. But whenever this is said, there are always posters who say that all men watch porn and there's no way you can trust someone 100%.

If anyone is wondering how I am so sure. First after foremost, I trust him when he says that to me. He has never found the idea of watching other people have sex appealing. Even when he was young and single. Plus, like me, he has learnt how exploitative the industry is, which is another reason not to watch it. I feel sad that some mnetters don't believe men like him exist.

Many people have an instant "yuck" reaction to all porn. It's ironic but this is largely down to a misogynistic society having raised them to see their bodies as shameful and disgusting. Consequently they are unable to see that viewing and even participating in porn is just a natural extension of human sexuality.

Can we stop trotting out this tired argument that if you're anti-porn you're just a prude?

If we lived in a non-misogynist world, if we knew that everyone was willingly participating in porn, I think most people would not have a problem with it.

But we live in a world where women and children are actively harmed by porn, some of us happen to care about that.

@LucieStar

I tend to judge a man by his personality and how well he treats people. But that might just be me... 🤷‍♀️

Are the women and children abused and raped in many porn videos not "people" in your eyes?

You can't pretend not to know that abuse and rape is common in porn. As well as coercion, which is harder to know if it's going on. Plenty of porn uses will watch it, without a care that that they are watching actual rape. Given what had recently happened with pornhub, you can't deny this.

Violence towards women is a very common theme. Those women are really being hurt. Being paid to experience this doesn't make it right.

So watching porn counts under "how someone treats people".

@AntiHop is right. I don't often go on these threads but when I do, those of us who say our husbands don't watch porn are always laughed at and told we're deluded.

I agree most men have seen porn at some point but lots of them do stop watching as they get older, it's sad people don't want to believe that.

@WhatHappenedToThose

Porn is vile. I'll judge any man or woman who watches it, thus contributing to the abuse and trafficking of women and children all over the world. No.

100%

People who deny that the abuse happens is abhorrent and in denial

@LucieStar

Oh I misread the OP.. would I judge by the type of porn he watches? Yes I would, as obviously there is huge variation in types of porn. Anyone watching something that depicts violence or abuse of any type I'd find abhorrent.

But as has been noted time after time, those that watch "vanilla" porn are eventually inured to it and require more extreme stuff to get aroused.

And then the problem of those "actors" do we really think that all they do is vanilla stuff? Are they not coerced or even just paid more to do the hardcore stuff eventually.

Let's be honest, porn is not a lifetime career prospect, so these people have to make all the money they can before they get too old. I've never looked into it but I bet all the good money is in the extreme stuff.
All of this adds up to exploitation, if those watching it wouldnt want it for their mother/sister/daughter then they shouldnt be watching it and further, if they are ok with that then their hard drives need looking at.

I say that at someone who used to watch porn until I learnt what actually happens. I wouldn’t watch it again

@skirk64

Yes you can judge someone by the type of porn they look at. Most people, unless they are asexual, are attracted to certain characteristics and behaviours.

Looking at "regular" porn is just a natural extension of this, no different to a woman eyeing up a man behind her sunglasses at the beach.

Clearly someone who looks at child porn or animal abuse is on a completely different level to someone who looks at softcore stuff featuring models who have willingly been photographed and were paid to do so. Saying otherwise is like saying you judge everyone who drives at 70mph equally, whether it was down a deserted motorway or being chased by police in a 20 zone outside a school at home time.

Many people have an instant "yuck" reaction to all porn. It's ironic but this is largely down to a misogynistic society having raised them to see their bodies as shameful and disgusting. Consequently they are unable to see that viewing and even participating in porn is just a natural extension of human sexuality.

You don't have to feel ashamed of who you are, what choices you've made, and shouldn't judge others by the choices they have made.

Agree

@AntiHop

Read my comments properly please

Specifically this one;

Anyone watching something that depicts violence or abuse of any type I'd find abhorrent.

Before you accuse me of not seeing people who are abused as "people", thanks.

Yes. I would tolerate a bit of normal porn. But too much too often even normal porn would be a no-no.

I would judge the character of any man who enjoyed rape, violence- not talking about a bit of rough, but realistic violent stuff. Also no to animals in porn.

Actually come to think of it there are some non-violent things I wouldnt be ok with too. Bog-standard porn now and then is all I would tolerate.

Many people have an instant "yuck" reaction to all porn. It's ironic but this is largely down to a misogynistic society having raised them to see their bodies as shameful and disgusting.

I'm not ashamed or disgusted by my body, or anyone else's for that matter.

Consequently they are unable to see that viewing and even participating in porn is just a natural extension of human sexuality.

Its not a 'natural' extension at all. It's an active choice that people make to support an industry rife with abuse, rape, trafficking, drugs etc

You don't have to feel ashamed of who you are, what choices you've made, and shouldn't judge others by the choices they have made.

Oh I'm not ashamed of myself at all. Quite prod actually. Anyone who sees the porn industry as acceptable, never mind and 'natural extension of human sexuality' should be utterly ashamed of themselves.

@Gurufloof

I disagree - sexual arousal to abuse and violence suggests a pathological and frightening mindset and that's why for me, those people are in a different category. A person who is aroused by that is in my view far scarier and questionable than one aroused by "regular sex". Yes, before anyone feels the need to point it out, I am fully aware there's a larger scale debate around the ethics of porn as an industry as a whole. But my point here was in relation to the content itself that one is visually aroused by - I'd judge a person based on this and would feel horrified and unsafe in a relationship with a man who was aroused to scenes of violence and abuse.

Finding naked (adult) people sexually arousing is a human thing. People shouldn’t be shamed for that.

I agree.

I judge anyone who watches porn. Just like I judge people who go on holiday to Dubai, who are happy to ignore horrific human rights issues they have there. People willing to turn a blind to Trafficked people being exploited one at or another, really deserve no admiration or respect from me.

Call us prude, call us what you like but DH and I do not like the way society has changed in the last 20 years and we are trying hard to raise a family of sons and daughters to have a good moral compass.

@LucieStar

Finding naked (adult) people sexually arousing is a human thing. People shouldn’t be shamed for that.

I agree.

Nobody is trying to shake anyone for finding the naked form attractive.

[quote LucieStar]@Gurufloof

I disagree - sexual arousal to abuse and violence suggests a pathological and frightening mindset and that's why for me, those people are in a different category. A person who is aroused by that is in my view far scarier and questionable than one aroused by "regular sex". Yes, before anyone feels the need to point it out, I am fully aware there's a larger scale debate around the ethics of porn as an industry as a whole. But my point here was in relation to the content itself that one is visually aroused by - I'd judge a person based on this and would feel horrified and unsafe in a relationship with a man who was aroused to scenes of violence and abuse. [/quote]
Its probably the hangover but what are you trying to say?

My point is simple, porn bad because trafficked women, child abuse relabelled as child porn, and animals. Therefore I judge anyone who partakes of porn to any degree.

@Gurufloof

I assume you're referring to your own hangover?

What I'm trying to say is, I do not subscribe to the view that every single person escalates their pornography use to the point of committing an offence, which is essentially what you were suggesting unless I've misunderstood?

My point was that those people who are aroused to child abuse and sexual violence of any type, are highly likely to be of an entirely different and deviant mindset to begin with. They're highly unlikely to be the sort of people who are aroused by regular and legal sex. It takes a different type of mindset entirely, IMO (with the benefit of my 15 years working in forensic settings with offenders) to go down that route (albeit I accept there may be a few exceptions to this).

And my other point was that - whilst I am aware of the broader of ethical debate around the porn industry as a whole, I was basing my answer of about judgement on the nature of the content a person is visually aroused by. Because I would feel threatened and unsafe around someone aroused to scenes of violence or abuse.

@Gurufloof

We answered from different angles, that's all. You answered based on your understanding of the wider ethical issues in relation to the industry; I answered based on how it would make me feel to be around a person aroused to sexually deviant (and presumably illegal) images.