or boring to think that a man can't message you without talking about naughty thoughts?!

[nolovelost]

I've gone through talking to a few men OLD where they can't resist trying to get into talking about being naughty. I like to build up to that and find it a turn off. I've stopped chatting to these men because of this.

Got chatting to a man who is aware of how I feel. We seemed to get on well, and appeared to be more than that. He still has to add that he needs to get rid of his naughty thoughts after we chatted about meeting and that if we feel it natural to do so, maybe have a cheeky kiss (yeah now I'm thinking that maybe that was unneccesary).

Dont get me wrong, I love sex when I feel that the time is right. But do I sound boring when I say that I wish they could just reign it in with the thoughts? Honest opinions please! I know he's not said anything rude or out of order, so is it me?

Anything funny that I could say back which would put him in his place? Even though I feel that I've been clear already. Is he testing me? Am I overreacting?

It's a common thing I think. As if it's somehow acceptable to launch into the sex talk after 5 minutes. The verbal reminders that he needs to consciously monitor himself makes it seem as though you are some kind of teacher. I think it's great to set your boundaries

Bin him off. It's s very simple test of whether he can respect your boundaries. He can't, so why bother finding out what else he will disrespect about you?

I suspect it’s projecting. These men would be thrilled to bits and very flattered if a woman said she couldn’t stop thinking sexy thoughts about them, so they assume women will find it equally flattering.

Just tell him that having chatted some more you don’t think you’re such a good match after all and block him.

There’s only one solution with men like that: block. Honestly OP, don’t waste your time with losers who clearly have no respect for women.

When I first met dh (not OLD) he asked what I was doing one night. I replied I was in the bath. He asked for a picture..
I sent one of the taps.
He never asked again.

Hi OP. I am totally, totally with you on this one. I remember how disheartened I felt when chatting with one guy, and it was all going really well, then suddenly he started asking me about high heels
I have neither the time nor inclination for this nonsense, I cannot bear sleazy, entitled men with no self-awareness. I give them the heave-ho when the sex chat comes up. I won't be anyone's free wank fodder.
Great that you know your own boundaries OP, and good luck!

Thanks everyone.

@Easterbunnygettingreadyer love it? So you're not agreeing to block?

@wizzywig I like your teacher comment.

I'm in two minds - block or use the teacher comment and give him a chance?

I find it grim. It’s not a turn on at all. Bit like when my husband pats my bottom when I’m bent over the counter cleaning it. I’d find it off putting. Move on.

Oh god it's so tedious when they do that. Why bother, if he's like that when charting online he's likely to be a nightmare face to face. Men can be such self absorbed pricks.

I block every time but this one seemed like there was more to him, more conversation ( more two way as well), interested in my life, talking about our similar dogs etc. I am taking your advice on board. But normally I would block by now, this one I'm not sure...

Guys who do this are only looking for sex, nothing else.

I'm with you on this as well, it's a huge turn off! I delete and block but so sick of OLD I've deleted the app now! I probably sound boring as well but I just hate it!

Theyr3 just testing the waters to see if you’re “up for it”. These men are not interested in having a long term, loving, normal relationship IMO. Bin em off.

Completely agree it’s the biggest turn off!

I heard it once described as stray sexual energy. So it would apply here, or anytime someone brings unwanted sexual energy into an inappropriate situation.

Now someone’s containment of their sexual energy is genuinely something I look for - if they have no awareness or boundaries around this I won’t even give them a second glance as for me it’s too important.

If you want to, give him a chance, but I’d definitely file this away as an amber flag anyway!

I find it particularly grim if you haven’t even met. It’s a tester , there must I feel be some women who are desperate enough to play along— because it wouldn’t cross most decent blokes minds to make those comments

As I said, I'm zero tolerance with this shit. But if you like the man you're chatting to in other ways, and he has other plus points, then I'd be inclined to give him a warning/last chance. It will be a good way to determine how respectful he is of your boundaries, if nothing else.

I’m the same, I find it really off putting.

I'd find it off-putting - and I'd be irritated that having made my position clear, and him apparently agreeing, he was then 'testing the water' just in case I was going to send winky faces and ooh, you are naughty..

Being irritated with someone who is apparently not able to hold an adult conversation is probably not what I'm looking for in a potential partner. Also the very wording of naughty thoughts gives me the absolute ick.

I don't think I'd bother with the meeting after that.

@WinstonsWeirdVole

There’s only one solution with men like that: block. Honestly OP, don’t waste your time with losers who clearly have no respect for women.

This ^

You are not overreacting at all.

I knew someone like this, would always litter the conversation with sexual innuendo, ask how big my breasts were etc. He's well respected in his profession, highly qualified. He's also on OLD. He's also my brother, who sexually abused me from the age of 10.

They don't change. They have no boundaries. Bin him.

Oh I wish they would all fuck the fuck off and read the fucking room (or perhaps Mumsnet). Urgh. I will be single and celibate forever because the thought of this kind of shite is so off-putting. Fuck's sake.

I'd just say something like, 'that's a peculiar thing to say enough of that please!'

If he continues, block.

Any grown man who uses the word naughty in that context should be ditched 🤮

If he is a ddog lover he deserves another chance ime!! My ddog got the deciding vote when I met now dh!! She was very particular about who she liked. He was an instant hit..