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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or boring to think that a man can't message you without talking about naughty thoughts?!

44 replies

nolovelost · 18/03/2021 19:06

I've gone through talking to a few men OLD where they can't resist trying to get into talking about being naughty. I like to build up to that and find it a turn off. I've stopped chatting to these men because of this.

Got chatting to a man who is aware of how I feel. We seemed to get on well, and appeared to be more than that. He still has to add that he needs to get rid of his naughty thoughts after we chatted about meeting and that if we feel it natural to do so, maybe have a cheeky kiss (yeah now I'm thinking that maybe that was unneccesary).

Dont get me wrong, I love sex when I feel that the time is right. But do I sound boring when I say that I wish they could just reign it in with the thoughts? Honest opinions please! I know he's not said anything rude or out of order, so is it me?

Anything funny that I could say back which would put him in his place? Even though I feel that I've been clear already. Is he testing me? Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

TrickorTreacle · 18/03/2021 21:20

I think it's common knowledge in relationships that men are more physical where women tend to be more emotional. Mismatched libido.

It won't be a problem for much longer though as all men will soon face a 6PM curfew thanks to the recent House of Lords debate!

MiniTheMinx · 18/03/2021 21:42

I don't know, I get the impression some men are just inept. I find it a bit sad really that so much potential must be wasted because men fail to play the long game! If I was a guy I'd have worked it out by now.

The other thing that puzzles me whenbi read about OLD is players. What is that all about? These silly men probably have far less sex than men in relationships. It shows too in respect of the desperate nature of their obsessing about sex before they even meet someone. Pathetic really.

BLTLover · 18/03/2021 22:02

Yeah anytime someone starts talking sex I'm turned off completely. Its just so boring!

Original poster

nolovelost · 18/03/2021 22:09

Still think I should block?

or boring to think that a man can't message you without talking about naughty thoughts?!

OP posts:

YouShouldLeave · 19/03/2021 07:05

Yes, block.

willibald · 19/03/2021 07:46

Yes. He's a grown up who was perfectly capable of expressing he fancies someone without acting like he's 13. Immediately block men who do this. It's immature and disrespectful.

Mummy1608 · 19/03/2021 07:56

Ugh his response was a bit patronising. The little question mark in brackets "(Which is a good thing?)" Ie you should LIKE my awkward flirting
And the "good luck :)"
Yuck lol

TheWaif · 19/03/2021 08:00

If you've never met it's not much of a compliment to say he fancies you.

Original poster

nolovelost · 19/03/2021 08:07

Thanks everyone! I feel like I've encouraged it to be honest. As I said he looked tasty in one of his pics. But then he was the one that said he'd have to behave, well before this when were talking about a kiss. Maybe I was subconciously testing him from the start.

OP posts:

SilverRoe · 19/03/2021 08:23

Grown men talking about ‘naughty thoughts’ is such a turn off!

Saying that, and this is a generalisation, but i’ve come to think that men seem to figure out if they want to fuck you before they go on to seeing if they like you as a person, whereas women seem to see if they like a man as a person before they figure out if they want to fuck them.

Obviously mileage may very but it really does seem that way a lot.

cansu · 19/03/2021 08:30

Have you ever met? I have never done online dating but I am pretty appalled at sexual comments if you are not actually seeing one another yet.

willibald · 19/03/2021 08:43

@nolovelost

No, you weren't subconsciously testing him. Are you new to OLD? Honestly, just block men who do this. My teenage daughter won't even accept that type of childish behaviour.

GreenlandTheMovie · 19/03/2021 08:44

I always wonder who these odd men are who do this and who on earth this talk succeeds with. But I suspect a lof of them are either married and looking for a thrill online or are so inept socially that talking about sex is as close as it gets for most of them.

Isn't sex talk quite a specialist thing that men used to pay for? Why they expect a random teacher, or bank worker or accountant or whatever to be able to do it with a total stranger baffles me.

BrownFootStool · 19/03/2021 09:41

I would always flirt with a guy I was interested in. Depends how and when it is done though. If they launch straight in it is a turn off . Once a guy said 'hi' then immediately 'what size are those jugs'. Dear Lord.

I expect some conversation for a while, then even if flirting starts to happen, it needs to also be interspersed with normal chat too. The best flirting starts naturally and builds up.

I'd give a guy a break for being a bit clumsy with this stuff. It's not easy for many people to express attraction. I'd probably be suspicious of a very smooth-talking lothario type. That said-- if it is a turn off to you then it's a turn off. You can break off with someone for whatever reason you want.

DedlyMedally · 19/03/2021 09:49

I think your reaction is exactly the intended outcome.
It acts as a sort of filter. A woman who puts a stopper on that sort of convo is likely going to make them wait for sex, whilst they are more likely to be on OLD primarily for sex.

TheWaif · 19/03/2021 09:53

@BrownFootStool

I expect some conversation for a while, then even if flirting starts to happen, it needs to also be interspersed with normal chat too. The best flirting starts naturally and builds up.

Why would you do that though? Flirt in advance? I've met maybe six guys from online dating and not fancied a single one when we actually met. Isn't it really cringingly awkward to meet someone you've been flirting with and not find them even slightly attractive physically or otherwise?

eatsleepread · 19/03/2021 11:13

Whether you block or not is ultimately up to you, OP. We've all told you what we think.
But it comes down to you and your own boundaries.
Good luck.

Original poster

nolovelost · 19/03/2021 12:58

Thank you for all the comments. Another poster mentioned about other conversation being interspersed, like I said, the conversation was quite refreshing at the best of times, and flowed nicely. Questions about me and my life etc. I'm tempted to reply to him, but it needs to be light hearted, he shouldn't need to be told again, we've not been chatting long and no I'm not new to OLD. I'm used to filtering out the prats.

OP posts:

GreenlandTheMovie · 19/03/2021 16:35

@nolovelost

Still think I should block?

How can you be bothered with him OP? He's really annoying. All that talk about "not wanting to pester" and "morals" comes from practice at pretending to be a nice guy. And all those brackets and semi-colons - he's trying really hard to come across as thoughtful, but he's just trying to hard. Decent men don't even need to mention those things. Contradictory too. Someone moral doesn't talk about sex wth strangers. He's after a few casual shags. Just block him. He's an arse.

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