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Actually, i need to know if dh is being unreasonable, to be furious with me, because...

46 replies

noonar · 07/11/2007 20:30

i spoke to my dear friend on the phone for half an hour, leaving him to put dd2 to bed and fix a snack before going to a PTA meeting.

now, this friend found out 2 weeks ago that she is 28 weeks pregnant. her world has been turned upside down. she's in her 40s and assumed she'd never have children. she's actually v happy, but has been overwhelmed by calls from well wishers so has not wanted to talk about it till now.

she rang me tonight, just before dd2 was due to go to bed. i had put dd1 to bed already, as she's poorly. now of course, 7pm is rarely a good time for phone calls, but i just couldnt bring myself to tell her to call back. i was so glad to hear from her and wanted to be there for her.

instead of fixing himself a snack, dh seemed to think that he couldnt think about food till i came off the phone. i stopped speaking to my friend 15 mins before he had to leave. he was livid, saying that i'd left him to do all the chores and that he'd had no food.

i realized that speaking to my friend would have a knock on affect on my own evening as i'd be doing the chores later, but didnt think for a minute that dh would 'martyr himself' by tidying up etc downstairs instead of fixing a snack.

i accept that he has reason to feel a bit annoyed, but does have the right to furious, in the circumstances? i'd never dream of chatting away normally, at this time of the evening, before the chore were done.

he said that i'd have reacted just the same. but the person he was talking to was in 'crisis' i think i'd be more understanding.

OP posts:

notnowbernard · 07/11/2007 20:32

Was he expecting you to get him a snack?


charliecat · 07/11/2007 20:33

Er, hes being unreasonable. He could have made something to eat...BUT would you then have moaned that he hadnt done the chores?


MissInvisible · 07/11/2007 20:33

bloke strop, my do is exactly the same, tell him to grow up


pukkapatch · 07/11/2007 20:33

he is being unreasonable


margoandjerry · 07/11/2007 20:33

don't understand. Do you keep the kitchen under lock and key?


RubyRioja · 07/11/2007 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HairyIrene · 07/11/2007 20:35

he couldnt even make himself a sarnie...?
sorry yanbu
he's bit pathetic imo..


littleolwinedrinkerme · 07/11/2007 20:36

Hmmmmmm....arse springs to mind . Maybe jealous that you didn't 'focus' on him in his hour ('ish) of need? Sounds like he needs a mother and not a wife - and well done for taking time out for your friend!


orangehead · 07/11/2007 20:38

Tell him to grow up, he being unreasonable


noonar · 07/11/2007 20:40

ok, i was genuinely expecting to do the chore myself. i was tired and hungry too, but wanted to speak to X more than i wanted to eat, ifswim.

he'd got pasta and sauce (jar) and salad ingredients ready on work top, but i failed to emerge from our room in time to cook and eat pasta before the meeting.

i've had a really long day teaching, and i dont want my whole evening to be dictated by dh's meeting. i personally feel that being ready to go out ,having put the dds to bed and eaten a poper supper, all by 7.45pm is a bit of a tall order. if his schedule is that tight, he needs to make a snack, rather than introduce a timetable to our evening.

i know that he thinks i've made his evening more difficult. i can see that, but in the circumstances, what could i do?

OP posts:

fawkeoff · 07/11/2007 20:43

so he is havin a shit fit because he wanted you to make him summat to eat????? he is acting like a child imo


noonar · 07/11/2007 20:44

'proper supper' lol.

sorry, shouldve said, tahnks for the support, folks. xxx

just texted him telling him he's nuts. he said i'd be just the same if roles were reversed...yes, i would, if he was idling chatting away. not if friend was in need.

he was so angry. he made me cry he's usually really nice and not shouty. thats why i'm so shocked and wondering if its him or me thats being unreasonable.

OP posts:

notnowbernard · 07/11/2007 20:45

I would have expected him to put dd to bed.

And I would have expected him to either start cooking the meal, or make himself a snack before leaving for the meeting.

I wouldn't expect him to get in a strop about it. In fact I don't think it should have even warrated a mention from him, tbh.


colditz · 07/11/2007 20:45

Tell him to go and check if he has any pubes yes, the pathetic manchild. Why can he not prioritise his tasks effectively? I bet he manages at work!


controlfreaky2 · 07/11/2007 20:46

definitely tell him to get over himself. ffs.


fawkeoff · 07/11/2007 20:47

im sorry but that is just not the didnt actually ask him to do anything, he could have easily boiled a bit of pasta and stirred the sauce in himself, it is not rocket science.heis being unreasonable and needs to stop spitting his dummy out


colditz · 07/11/2007 20:47

You are NOT his slave, maid or nanny. It is NOT your job to ensure he looks after himself effectivly, and you should remind him of this.

And a bit of "How very DARE you speak to me like that!" would not go amiss either.


morningpaper · 07/11/2007 20:47

unbelievable behaviour

poor you


oliveoil · 07/11/2007 20:47


tell him to get a grip


fawkeoff · 07/11/2007 20:48

stick the pasta up his anus


stripeytiger · 07/11/2007 20:49

He is being bloody unreasonable imo. He should be glad that he has such a lovely wife who is there for her friend even when it's bedtime routine etc. Was it really such a hardship for him to put dd to bed.


noonar · 07/11/2007 20:49

he's actually tidied up beautifully, and clearly decided that the food bit was down to me. his conclusion then, was that i'd left it all to him . i didnt know he was tidying up and making packed lunches....i thought he'd be fixing a snack. he's now stormed off to the chip shop.

OP posts:

oliveoil · 07/11/2007 20:50

text him and tell him to get you a sausage


kindersurprise · 07/11/2007 20:51

Don't get too upset, he is being totally unreasonable. Tell him not to behave like a teenager.

Well done for taking the time to speak to your friend.


controlfreaky2 · 07/11/2007 20:51

quick! change the locks!
(only joking).

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