AIBU?
Actually, i need to know if dh is being unreasonable, to be furious with me, because...
noonar · 07/11/2007 20:30
i spoke to my dear friend on the phone for half an hour, leaving him to put dd2 to bed and fix a snack before going to a PTA meeting.
now, this friend found out 2 weeks ago that she is 28 weeks pregnant. her world has been turned upside down. she's in her 40s and assumed she'd never have children. she's actually v happy, but has been overwhelmed by calls from well wishers so has not wanted to talk about it till now.
she rang me tonight, just before dd2 was due to go to bed. i had put dd1 to bed already, as she's poorly. now of course, 7pm is rarely a good time for phone calls, but i just couldnt bring myself to tell her to call back. i was so glad to hear from her and wanted to be there for her.
instead of fixing himself a snack, dh seemed to think that he couldnt think about food till i came off the phone. i stopped speaking to my friend 15 mins before he had to leave. he was livid, saying that i'd left him to do all the chores and that he'd had no food.
i realized that speaking to my friend would have a knock on affect on my own evening as i'd be doing the chores later, but didnt think for a minute that dh would 'martyr himself' by tidying up etc downstairs instead of fixing a snack.
i accept that he has reason to feel a bit annoyed, but does have the right to furious, in the circumstances? i'd never dream of chatting away normally, at this time of the evening, before the chore were done.
he said that i'd have reacted just the same. but the person he was talking to was in 'crisis' i think i'd be more understanding.
RubyRioja · 07/11/2007 20:33
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
noonar · 07/11/2007 20:40
ok, i was genuinely expecting to do the chore myself. i was tired and hungry too, but wanted to speak to X more than i wanted to eat, ifswim.
he'd got pasta and sauce (jar) and salad ingredients ready on work top, but i failed to emerge from our room in time to cook and eat pasta before the meeting.
i've had a really long day teaching, and i dont want my whole evening to be dictated by dh's meeting. i personally feel that being ready to go out ,having put the dds to bed and eaten a poper supper, all by 7.45pm is a bit of a tall order. if his schedule is that tight, he needs to make a snack, rather than introduce a timetable to our evening.
i know that he thinks i've made his evening more difficult. i can see that, but in the circumstances, what could i do?
noonar · 07/11/2007 20:44
'proper supper' lol.
sorry, shouldve said, tahnks for the support, folks. xxx
just texted him telling him he's nuts. he said i'd be just the same if roles were reversed...yes, i would, if he was idling chatting away. not if friend was in need.
he was so angry. he made me cry he's usually really nice and not shouty. thats why i'm so shocked and wondering if its him or me thats being unreasonable.
notnowbernard · 07/11/2007 20:45
I would have expected him to put dd to bed.
And I would have expected him to either start cooking the meal, or make himself a snack before leaving for the meeting.
I wouldn't expect him to get in a strop about it. In fact I don't think it should have even warrated a mention from him, tbh.
noonar · 07/11/2007 20:49
he's actually tidied up beautifully, and clearly decided that the food bit was down to me. his conclusion then, was that i'd left it all to him . i didnt know he was tidying up and making packed lunches....i thought he'd be fixing a snack. he's now stormed off to the chip shop.
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