Maternity leave - the FEAR!

[Changeythenamey]

Hi all

I’m just looking for some reassurance from women who have been in a similar position. I’m expecting my first baby shortly and I am currently preparing for maternity leave. I’m a senior lawyer at a bank and I have a massive case load and very demanding clients. I’m satisfied that I’ve given myself enough time to handover and that things are in good order but the stress of stepping back in really playing on my mind. What if I miss something?

I’m terrifying that things won’t be dealt with or, worse, things will be identified that I haven’t dealt with. Im worried about having someone else pick up my work and my clients have made it pretty clear they are not happy I’m ‘taking a year off’.

I don’t want to spend 12 months worrying. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I’m hoping it will all fade into insignificance when the baby arrives.

Thanks

I almost can’t believe your post. Of course your job will pale in significance once you have a baby. Work will sort itself out, it always does, it’s just work. Even if you died it would go on and someone would just pick up your files. Clients won’t care, as long as they make money and their work is done, they’ll just roll on.

Your work will be fine. Your life will become about your baby and your priorities will change. Just enjoy your maternity leave and the important things in life

I’m a solicitor and had a very similar fear! I was so worried I would forget something and it would come up while I was off.

I did incredibly detailed and thorough handover notes which were reassuring to me. But the main thing was, as soon as my baby was born I literally didn’t give a shit, and it’s been miles from my mind ever since! Hopefully it will be the same for you and you can just enjoy your lovely baby

I had the exact same worry, in the end I went back to work after a couple of months!

I'm sure you've done an excellent job, everyone feels this way.

I completely understand this feeling and contrary to what another poster said above it didn't just magically disappear at birth! I also did a really comprehensive handover. I had my laptop still during mat leave so occasionally logged on to check that important projects were progressing. Gradually I managed to let go! And this was second baby so not just some weird first time mum thing having said that, a year later on return there were still incomplete tasks from my handover...

I totally had this with my first. It’s normal, I started maternity leave a bit early due to some complications but continued to work and pick up emails etc from my bed! Until DD arrived, the next time I logged in to my emails IT had to reset my password as it had expired after 3 months. Honestly, I know it’s next to impossible to believe but you will forget all about it. I am very career focussed, took a year off and went back to work 4 days a week and after a few weeks it was like I’d never been away. My cover had done a great job but left after the handover, it was fine.

Financial services here and it took a few months to let go and not check emails - just gone back and everything better than expected. The problem is I found i had too much time to think as was trapped feeding baby or baby asleep on me - you just need to control the fear and not give into it!

I’m “only” a middle manager in the civil service but I can’t wait to go on mat leave! There’s no way I’ll be checking emails or even thinking about work.

I’ve been on mat leave for 4 days so far... still having little panics that I’ve forgotten something, but it’s starting to fade a bit... hoping that by the weekend I will have forgotten what work even is.

I completely understand! For me, my attitude to work didn't change when I had a baby. Yes, I loved the little one more than anything, but I still cared about my job as much as before, the two things were completely separate in my mind. Some people don't give a shit about anything else after they have a baby but not everyone - and not me!

Giving your clients the name and contact details of someone to contact in your company in the event of an emergency might help put everyone's mind at ease. You could give that colleague 'permission' to contact you if something comes up that they absolutely can't deal with (it's unlikely anyway as you've done the full hand over etc - it's just a back up).

In my job I was allowed to do 20 'keeping in touch' days which were really helpful for keeping up with stuff. You might get similar.

I think what you're feeling is very common. This answer from a PP really resonated with me...

I am very career focussed, took a year off and went back to work 4 days a week and after a few weeks it was like I’d never been away.

I had a very similar experience. Pretty soon after DS arrived I forgot/was too tired to care about what was going on at work. I'm sure you'll have done a fine job of handing it all over, and I'd be relatively sure you'll have missed something along the way... But we're only human... They'll figure it out and by the time you go back so much will have happened that it'll be long forgotten if there were any bumps in handover.

Wishing you all the best for your impending delivery 🤞💐

Also solicitor, also had the fear. Work made me leave all devices in the office so I couldn't see what was going on. This was incredibly useful, even though it brought me out in cold sweats at the time. I went back to a promoted role, and tbh I still have mild panics that my replacement will unearth something wrong with my name on it from several years ago. I'm now pregnant with my second, and it looks likely that the baby may come while my husband (also a solicitor) is due to be attending trial. He has simply shrugged and said the clients will have to do without him. That's the attitude to take, I suppose!

No advice to offer OP but wishing you good luck and happiness for yourself and the birth of your little one

Similar position here OP - and totally relate! In a high powered job with over 700 direct reports. 2 weeks ago started my 2nd Maternity leave. A few things that help me

• it'll keep turning without you. Might not seem like it now but it will
• consciously switch off until the baby is here and try not to make contact just to disconnect yourself
• enjoy the time! You'll soon be in a routine of pick ups and drop off's and life will be mad - enjoy the calm and time off the hamster wheel!

I know exactly how you feel! I felt the same (also solicitor - not banking but a very demanding commercial sector where women, in general, are the minority).

A couple of things that helped me:

• Really detailed handover notes; even so far as certain personalities associated with the file (e.g. Bob at X won't answer his phone so always email him.). I also made sure the secretaries had copies of my notes.

• Did calls with my closest clients to explain / introduce the colleague who was taking over.

• I told my boss / replacement that if they really needed me to call my personal phone. Of course they didn't, but it meant that I didn't feel the need to turn my work mobile and/or laptop on to check.

• I put my work phone and mobile in a room I rarely go in in a drawer. A little bit of out of sight out of mind.

• I also kept telling myself that, as much as I like to think the world revolves around me, it doesn't. The firm (in your case bank) was around before I joined and, if I left tomorrow, they would still be around.

To be honest though, as most people have already said, when baby arrives your priorities change. Your attitude adjusts and work just isn't as important; don't get me wrong, it is still important to me (and I am very grateful to be back).

Best of luck!

I'm not a high flier but work closely supporting vulnerable people and my partner had to virtually rip my work laptop off me post birth. I've been on maternity leave 6 months now and if someone messages me on my personal phone with a work question I get annoyed whereas initially I was only too happy to help
I think the investment in work does fade as baby becomes more demanding, definitely. I try to view it like I'll probably only have this one year off work until I retire and I'd hate to look back and realise I spent any of it with my head in work.

Sorry - pressed post too soon!

That should have said: "Your attitude adjusts and work just isn't as important; don't get me wrong, it is still important to me (and I am very grateful to be back), but it isn't the be-all and end-all".

I had this feeling before starting maternity leave (my second, so again not just a first-time thing!) eight weeks ago, and was massively stressed (partially because I had left some of the stuff I had to do before going a bit late, if I'm totally honest). I had forgotten about it until I read your post, and I your post made me think 'ooh, I hope X worked out ok', but in a fairly detached way! It is totally normal but also it really will fade to the point where you forget about it. And then you feel like you'll never be able to readjust to going back and after a week or two you can't remember why you felt like that either.

Congratulations, good luck for the birth and have a wonderful time with your baby!

It’s the solicitor thing - that looming fear of sra too. I had similar leaving a job recently - really went above and beyond making sure I was satisfied I’d done all I could to handover. All you can do is give yourself plenty of time, detailed handover info and make sure clients are aware you are off. It will fade. Good luck.

I'm in a similar sort of role. When I had DD (my second) due to an extremely complicated pregnancy I had to literally drop everything with about a weeks notice and disappear at 26 weeks. No real handover, didnt meet my maternity cover.

You know what? It was fine. They managed. It wasnt perfect, there were a few gaps here and there that got missed but honestly nothing that actually mattered it made me realise, truly, anyone can be covered. Anyone. A lot of people dont like acknowledging this point because they feel it somehow diminishes their value, we love to feel we are a "key woman". In reality we are all replaceable but know it doesnt make us less worthy of our salaries etc, because individuals can be more of a fit and theres a difference between managing ok and things being optimal.

I left loads of handover information for projects, work for the rest of the year etc then Covid happened and everything changed anyway.

Lawyer in-house in financial services here (not a bank, though).

Believe me, you will forget about all of this once the baby arrives. I didn’t have time to think with the sleepless nights and worrying about BF (or not, in my case).

Everyone is dispensable and nobody says at your funeral “When her clients said ‘Jump!’ She asked ‘How high?’ And she left great handover notes”.

My handover notes were exemplary: colours, folder paths for key documents - the full works. On about day 5 of my son’s life, I could barely have told you the name of my employer.

In the nicest possible way, your clients and work don't see you as a lovely person who's about to have a baby. They just see you as someone who does a job. If you suddenly couldn't work, they'd work out how to work without you. They'll be fine and you'll be fine. It's no different than when someone leaves a job permanently, they get replaced and life carries on.

I understand you've got a lot going on and leaving a job can be stressful but you need to trust that it will be okay. It is not your responsibility to worry about someone else's job. The worst that happens is they might have to call you to ask a question.