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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Disappointing work situation

42 replies

Colourfulowls · 18/03/2021 12:42

Have always preferred working in mixed gender teams. I started a new role 4 months and worked with a great group of people.
However one of the men retired and two got transferred to another department so we're now an all-female team.
I have 2 new colleagues, one of them is great, really friendly. The other one I am not keen on at all.
She's in a management position so I understand she feels the need to prove herself.
Our former manager (who she's replaced this week) completed the 4 week rota.
This new manager has for some reason changed all of my hours around for next week, but says nothing is set in stone and she will 'let me know'

AIBU to tell her that I need to know my new hours by tomorrow?

I heard her complaining that the former manager has "fucking put her on an early shift for this Saturday".

She had to phone about something earlier and she said "I'm not even speaking to her", referring to the old manager.

The other day I saw a car pull up early outside which I didn't recognise. I saw this new manager was sat inside and when she saw I had clocked her, she rolled her eyes and put her hands in the air.

I was working with her and the other new colleague that day. They ordered themselves a takeaway for dinner and didn't ask if I wanted anything. The former manager saw how they were being and phoned me later to ask if they had made an effort with me.

She's been polite but I don't get a good feeling from her. She was talking about her sex life (or lack of) to colleagues even though she had been here for less than a week, it seems a bit crass and too much.

I really miss the old team. Not really much I can do, it just doesn't seem like it will be pleasant working with her and I'm not sure if they would let me change to another department.

OP posts:

Original poster

Colourfulowls · 18/03/2021 12:43

She's been here for one week and I find it awful how she's berating the former manager already and laying down the law.

OP posts:

MaliceOrgan · 18/03/2021 12:56

What has anyone's gender got to do with any of this?

FFSFFSFFS · 18/03/2021 12:58

Yep. What a shame you don't have a man as a boss. They're always great bosses and are always super nice and lovely.

Original poster

Colourfulowls · 18/03/2021 12:59

No need to take it badly..
It would be the same if it were a man, I just stated that I prefer mixed teams generally.

OP posts:

CafeMochaVodkaValiumLate · 18/03/2021 13:07

What a bizarre post.

Ilikewinter · 18/03/2021 13:08

I agree with you OP I prefer working in mixed teams. Your new manager sounds like a bit of a nightmare, is there any chance you can move to another team or job within your company?

Original poster

Colourfulowls · 18/03/2021 13:10

Thanks for your understanding, I don't know if they would move me without a valid reason tbh, unless she really said or did anything as such, but I'll have to see how things go.

OP posts:

Yuppie20 · 18/03/2021 13:11

I agree, there's a different dynamic with mixed gender teams. I work with mostly females colleagues and the bitchiness is rife, I can't stand it. I find working with men much more fun and easy going and easy to get work done really.
Your in a difficult position. If your new manager is being unkind about the previous manager could you report to HR? I assume your old manager is still working there? Could you speak to her about the new environment and express your dread at working with them? Maybe you could be moved .

ilovesooty · 18/03/2021 13:14

I don't blame you. I preferred mixed gender teams too.

longdressed · 18/03/2021 13:20

Nothing in your post has anything to do with the gender of any of the people involved.

If you're unhappy, you should let someone know otherwise nothing will change. Talking about sex at work is always a no-no.

Mary46 · 18/03/2021 13:25

Feel for you op. But hopefully the others nice. I was temping colleague so moody. Found it hard at lunch as she would disappear to a back office. Women are nightmares at times

PlanetPuddle · 18/03/2021 13:32

Yabu to bring their gender into it l.
You are not unreasonable to ask when you'd get to know your hours.
She's only been there was week and it is her job to "lay down the law"

Gazelda · 18/03/2021 13:33

You should definitely say that you need her to confirm your shifts for next week by tomorrow. I don't think that's unreasonable at all. But say it in a way that shows your flexibility and desire to fit in with the time, while also asserting your position of not wanting to pick up the shit shifts that no one else's wants. Say you have always had a 4 week rota x days in advance, and that you hope to still have that level of advance notice going forward.

Be friendly and professional with her. She's new. This might be her first management role. But also make sure you are treated fairly and pull her up if this isn't the case.

You seem to have taken an instant dislike to her. Maybe start next week with a fresh approach?

Hoppinggreen · 18/03/2021 13:34

Slightly confused about the bit where you saw her in a car
Unless there is a lot more going on here you seem to be being a bit weird

ContessaDiPulpo · 18/03/2021 13:38

I prefer mixed sex teams. In some workplaces the presence of a predominantly female team can lead to a funny sort of 'gangs and bitching' atmosphere; I've never worked in a predominantly male workplace so don't know if they are the same. I've also worked in various predominantly female workplaces and they are calm safe havens, so it does all depend on the people involved.

You're not unreasonable to like the increased level of bitchiness and unpleasantness OP.

ContessaDiPulpo · 18/03/2021 13:39

*dislike, that should say!!

Original poster

Colourfulowls · 18/03/2021 13:42

Apologies I haven't meant to offend anyone.
I'm not saying she is acting this way because she is female.
I don't by any means think all women are like this, men can be exactly the same.
I'm saying that in general I find there's a different dynamic with mixed gender teams and it's less cliquey, that's just my own experience.

The bit where I saw her in the car, i saw a car i hadn't seen before parked outside, so I looked outside and saw she was sat in it and had arrived early, when she saw that I had clocked her she pulled a face and out her hands in the air.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 18/03/2021 13:42

The other day I saw a car pull up early outside which I didn't recognise. I saw this new manager was sat inside and when she saw I had clocked her, she rolled her eyes and put her hands in the air.

What does this mean? What's the issue with her being in a car?

Original poster

Colourfulowls · 18/03/2021 13:44

However I will try to give her the benefit of the doubt, indeed it may be her first management role and she's surely feeling the pressure.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 18/03/2021 13:44

Cross posts about the car.

Original poster

Colourfulowls · 18/03/2021 13:45

There's no issue with her being in a car, I'm just saying I looked out the window to see who it was and she looked annoyed that I had seen her.

OP posts:

Timeforabiscuit · 18/03/2021 13:47

Single sex teams seem to intensify gendered behaviour in my experience, having a balanced team curtails the more expansive people. The same as having a team of exclusively young people or older ones, doesn't mean to say you can't get the job done - just that working in them is different.

Just the descriptions on sex life alone would have me dusting off the cv, never mind the inconsistency in working hours, eye rolling and dismissive attitude.

My ideal is to work in a 7 person team, male and female - 5 on the older/experienced side with a couple of younger ones to bring in fresh legs and eyes.

Brefugee · 18/03/2021 13:48

I'm not saying she is acting this way because she is female.

That's exactly what you have been saying. Frankly I'm not really sure what's going on but it looks like new manager has for some reason re-arranged the shifts (because she doesn't like hers?) and you're grumpy about it.

Maybe she's behaving like this because you have been less than welcoming?
Everything is always so much better with men in charge and women just doing twhat they're told.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 18/03/2021 13:49

The car thing I would just drop out of your head. Whilst I wouldn't have shown it , it can be frustrating when you've pulled up and want 5 minutes peace before entering the fray and someone sees you. You may well have been absolutely fine and just noticed a new car but I've had teams where they would come out, expect me to come in ASAP or even ring me if they saw me pull up early. In one role it was frustrating because I had babies and a hugely busy life and that 5 minutes was my lifeline. (To be fair I did just start parking down the road and still getting kn early to the office but with my quiet time as well).

I would wait a bit. Is she new to a management role? New , less experienced managers take some time to settle down.

The takeaway ordering thing is not on and extremely bad form.

Just hang on a bit though , keep your head down and give it a couple of weeks. If it doesn't settle down then go to a more senior manager (bear in mind evidence is needed....for example the car thing is a bit silly and getting in your way...it won't make you credible).

nicknamehelp · 18/03/2021 13:49

I prefer to work in a mixed team or with men. Too many females together always leads to issues in my experience.

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