Disappointing work situation

[Colourfulowls]

Have always preferred working in mixed gender teams. I started a new role 4 months and worked with a great group of people.
However one of the men retired and two got transferred to another department so we're now an all-female team.
I have 2 new colleagues, one of them is great, really friendly. The other one I am not keen on at all.
She's in a management position so I understand she feels the need to prove herself.
Our former manager (who she's replaced this week) completed the 4 week rota.
This new manager has for some reason changed all of my hours around for next week, but says nothing is set in stone and she will 'let me know'

AIBU to tell her that I need to know my new hours by tomorrow?

I heard her complaining that the former manager has "fucking put her on an early shift for this Saturday".

She had to phone about something earlier and she said "I'm not even speaking to her", referring to the old manager.

The other day I saw a car pull up early outside which I didn't recognise. I saw this new manager was sat inside and when she saw I had clocked her, she rolled her eyes and put her hands in the air.

I was working with her and the other new colleague that day. They ordered themselves a takeaway for dinner and didn't ask if I wanted anything. The former manager saw how they were being and phoned me later to ask if they had made an effort with me.

She's been polite but I don't get a good feeling from her. She was talking about her sex life (or lack of) to colleagues even though she had been here for less than a week, it seems a bit crass and too much.

I really miss the old team. Not really much I can do, it just doesn't seem like it will be pleasant working with her and I'm not sure if they would let me change to another department.

The rota is an entirely separate issue to being friendly/over sharing.

My contract says I need to know any changes in hours 3 weeks in advance or I can refuse and will therefore do my usual hours. Does your contract have anything similar? Either way you deserve more notice than the weekend.

Sounds like they were rude over not offering the takeaway to other members not the team (each person pays for their own via bank transfer of course) and while the over sharing could be a little irritating it probably tells you they're a confident and open person. I'd have less issue with these unless the takeaway exclusion became a regular thing, at that point I'd feel no guilt ordering my own when I wanted it.

I also think the gender of the individuals and make up of the team has no impact on what's going on here.

Single-sex teams do have a very different dynamic to mixed ones.

In a professional work environment it shouldn't matter, but it does. I would actively avoid being in one.

Well clearly you’re unhappy about your hours. So speak to her. Explain your issues and be an adult about it

The rest is just playground noise. Oh she rolled her eyes, oh she didn’t offer me w takeaway. Oh I much prefer working with men.

Just be a grown up, speak to her maturely and see what agreement you can reach in terms of the hours, meeting bother the business needs and your own, if possible.

Without seeing the car thing it's hard to comment. It could have just been her trying to say oh early isn't it! In an attempt to bond. I don't quite understand it sorry.

I agree that single sex teams can be more affected by one strong character than a single sex team.

She doesn't sound very professional. I think you've got a fair point about the notice required on shifts. Worries about her personality are probably more subjective.

It's early days but have your eye on other opportunities.

*than a mixed sex team.

OP you sound like hard work. You would be ell advised to drop this I prefer working in mixed teams nonsense because it is sexist and insulting. People are people, you will enjoy working in some tea as and not others but it is nothing to do with the gender ratio.

As for the rest of your comments, like the one in the car, I cannot even imagine what you mean. But I am sure that the problem here is your poor attitude.

@longdressed

Nothing in your post has anything to do with the gender of any of the people involved.

If you're unhappy, you should let someone know otherwise nothing will change. Talking about sex at work is always a no-no.

Yes it has, as the dynamic has changed.

I wouldn't just quit and find a new job because you can't ask at a job interview what the gender balance of the team is as that is just sexism.

I'd work on getting over your sexist attitudes and give the manager a chance.

I think it's more about someone who changes arrangements with little good reason and cannot undertake to meet a reasonable response time. Gender is not the main reason.

I don't think you're allowed on MN to say females & males tend to be different in character or people skills or as offspring or as colleagues, OP -- or if they are different, then it's the fault of the patriarchy.

Unless it's violence -- then of course they are wildly different species. Still fault of the patriarchy, though.

Gender? Wtf.

@idontlikealdi

Gender? Wtf.

It's clear what the OP means isn't it?

Your mixing up potential real issues with nothing.

You could have stopped your post after, “AIBU to want next week’s hours confirmed?”

• so what that she had a wee moan about getting out on the early Saturday?
• saying she’s not even speaking to the other manager is a bit drama-Queeny and unprofessional, but that impacts you how?
• you were the odd one for staring at her in her car long enough to even see her reaction (said reaction is too hard to interpret as negative anyway - could have been a friendly “yeah it’s me, hiding from work, definitely not starting early, busted” hands up)
• talking about her sex life... what you find inappropriate, others will find friendly and approachable. If she was telling a funny story about Tinder, fine - if she was telling you she was shafted hard up the arse with a cucumber last night, not so fine)

All of that sounds OK.

Getting a takeaway without asking you, if there were just the 3 of you there (?) is very rude.

Not confirming your hours - not on, but that’s the thing you need to take up with her, and understand why the change and problem to confirm.

Finally, your old boss rang you to ask how they were treating you? Seems odd.

Her AIBU: “new position, one of the team members clearly doesn’t like me. Weirdly spying on me in my car outside, seemed quite in a huff about some normal social chit chat, and I’m pretty certain she was on the phone moaning to her old boss about me...”

Just sort out the hours and keep an open mind.

Maybe she's behaving like this because you have been less than welcoming?
Everything is always so much better with men in charge and women just doing twhat they're told.

Does everything on here turn into an argument?

OP: I prefer mix gendered teams. I have sat on all women committees in the past - never again! Nothing got done!

@Colourfulowls

There's no issue with her being in a car, I'm just saying I looked out the window to see who it was and she looked annoyed that I had seen her.

There’s a lot going of projection going on here

I don't think you're allowed on MN to say females & males tend to be different in character or people skills or as offspring or as colleagues, OP or if they are different, then it's the fault of the patriarchy. Unless it's violence then of course they are wildly different species. Still fault of the patriarchy, though

This. Spot on.