Exaggerate sneezing

[ValerieMorghulis]

This - along with other “performative man noises” such as jangling of change in pockets whilst waiting for the kettle to boil - is why I need my husband to go back to working in his office.

AIBU?

Thank God it's not just me. DH has perennial rhinitis and sneezes loads every day and is sooooo loud. He can even sneeze 10 times running in his sleep. If he wakes me up one more time by sneezing over me, I feel he may never wake up again as I will not be responsible for my actions.

I disagree with the behaviour being grounds for going back to the office. The behaviour should be challenged and change, not just inflicted on others.

I myself am guilty of super loud sneezes but there is method in my madness. I allow my body to go with the sneeze with mouth open (always covered) otherwise my fear is if I stifle it I will end up with snot coming out of my nose and that would be way more embarrassing.

@AintPageantMaterial

DH will do up to 12 performance sneezes in a row. He says he can’t help it but, if on occasion we are somewhere quiet, like at the cinema, he can suppress them. Luckily he is otherwise perfect.

Oh God, 12! I think I would have killed him by the 8th one. My DH will do about 4/5 in a row but once he gets to 3 I'm raging. Strangely he can also sneeze quietly when on a Zoom meeting so I know it's deliberate.

Yes Dh does this. It’s our cats I feel sorry for if they’re in the room they bolt as if someone just let of a bloody shotgun.
It’s so over the top it’s ridiculous

Also I do think if Dh has an audience it’s considerably louder. If he’s upstairs for instance I can still hear him downstairs but not anywhere near as loud. So am sure he can control it.

Dd has the sweetest sneeze ever in comparison, it’s a very soft gentle a “squeak” she sounds like a mouse.

My mum is a performative sneezing. Along with doing 4 or 5 quickly in a row 🙄 It's a big performance every time.

Ridiculous sneezing is not just a male problem. My lovely, demure, meticulously polite female colleague has a sneeze like a hand grenade blowing up a church organ. It is truly astonishing, and she can't seem to hear it at all!

But I'm in no position to talk. I've been banned from eating chewing gum indoors due to the unpleasant cracking and gnawing sounds.

Oh god yes - my H has hayfever/some other kind of allergy and regularly sneezes about a gazillion times in a row, followed by a lot of loud sniffing, until I suggest he goes and blows his nose. This is always met with a slightly surprised/reluctant response as though he hadn't really thought of it and it's quite inconvenient for him.

He also does performance yawning, particularly with his mother, but also other members of his family - like he needs them to know how tough his life is and how very tired he is (probably because of his awful wife). You can almost guarantee that within a couple of minutes of seeing or talking to his mum he will do a loud, really quite fake sounding yawn. It would be hilarious if not so babyish and blatantly trying to elicit sympathy (which of course she gives). Ggghhaaaaaa.

I went to university with a woman who would sneeze normally then let out a loud Yelp afterwards. What the fuck... why?

My dad has always done huge loud sneezes. When my kids were small, if anyone loud sneezed we would say "Bless you, Grandad!" It's quite amusing as we are 6 hours away.

"My lovely, demure, meticulously polite female colleague has a sneeze like a hand grenade blowing up a church organ." Lol!

I can be sound asleep upstairs in bed and DH will wake me up blowing his nose downstairs behind two closed doors.

I hate the sound of DH chewing carrots and crisps. It’s not the noise itself, it’s just the thought that it’s going all mushy in his mouth 🤮 I have to leave the room 😂

One thing I like to annoy my DC with is extra loud sneezes. I can do them quietly, I usually do, but sometimes it's good to sneak a loud one in to keep them on their toes.

They'll be posting on here about me when they're older.

@DuchenneParent

I am sure it is something that they CAN control. If an "I can't help it" noisy sneezer was hiding behind a tree from a prowling lion, and they felt a sneeze coming on, you're not telling me they wouldn't suddenly find a way muffle it. They could certainly relent from the performative shout which has nothing to do with the sneeze mechanism itself so is definitely put on.

Oh of course, people can stifle a sneeze. But that leaves me feeling very unsatisfied. Am I the only one who feels satisfied after a good sneeze..?

I dunno how some people cope on here in real life, everything seems to annoy them.
"I simply can't cope when dh eats, sneezes, breathes, taps foot, taps fingers etc".

I am a hat fever sufferer I also have a very allergic nose. I cannot control sneezing. And often so many sneezes In a row gives me a headache. It's not a performance it's very uncomfortable.

My husband actually verbalises the word when he sneezes and swears too so it's a case of "Aitchoo, fuck you" but shouted. It's only one of the many reasons I'm planning to divorce him.

Mine shouts Ah Choo! when he sneezes. He denies it, says he is just sneezing like anyone else would. But he isn't. He is shouting a cartoon sneeze, every time.

Even the dog thinks it is odd. He ignores me sneezing 3 or 4 times in a row but leaps up and tries to 'fix' DH when he sneezes just once!

This thread has really made me chuckle!!

DH is a ‘throat clearer’ - compulsive, but it does my head in. We work on different floors of the house as I can’t cope with it. Unfortunately the evenings are another matter!!!

Re sneezing I don’t think it’s possible to NOT sneeze, but there’s surely a way of not letting out a HUGE ROAR when you do so! My dad used to do this and everyone in the house would jump out of their skin!

I hear ya OP. My DH performance sneezes. They're noisy and usually come in 3s, progressively getting louder as the performance goes on. When finished he'll look at me with puppy dog eyes as if it's been painful for him and he requires my sympathy. FUCK right off... then fuck off some more.

The people being defensive because allergies, it's impossible to stifle them etc...

Relax, it's not the sneezing that's the issue. It's the yelling and gasping that goes along with it. When someone is miserable with a cold or hayfever, and really struggling, I'm sympathy personified. But learn how to not shout AH and CHOOO while sneezing. You really can.

And please please cover your mouth and nose- if my hair is flapping in the breeze, you've done it wrong! Yes DH I'm talking to you!

DS2 and I catch each other's eye and duck or turn away and cover our food when we see a sneeze coming on. If we can see it, how the hell can't he feel it?

OMG. I've found my people!! The dramatic yawning and loud noise when he exhales makes me want to design a new patio. And the jaw chomping noises when eating. And the loud and prolonged achoooooooo. ARGHHHHHH (silently)