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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about ds1

45 replies

Bellver888 · 17/03/2021 22:57

My friend has well and truly annoyed me today.

Went for a socially distanced walk with DS 15 months and a stranger waved at him, he flapped back which my perfect parent friend has basically used to tell me DS is autistic.

I have a lot of anxiety at the moment and now I’m panicking. DS isn’t talking, but claps, plays peekaboo, understands and copies “all gone” with arms wide open and can make the noise where you put your hand on your mouth like the wah wah noise. He is so quick to copy and understand things but just isn’t verbal. He isn’t pointing so to speak but makes amazing eye contact, always brings toys and books to play and read, he does however use my hand to point to things in books, e.g “that’s not my teddy” he will scratch the rough surface then get my finger to scratch too. He holds out his hand when he wants something and will bring me things such as his cup if he wants a drink, if he wants something out of reach he’ll hold his hand out to it and make a noise for me to get it. He also loves to open and close the door as he gets a reaction out of it once he walks in and gives a big smile

He is my first born, no one else has concerns yet this has made me more anxious.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 17/03/2021 23:12

At 15 months most children aren't very verbal. It is showing some understanding that's important and it sounds like your DS is doing that.

Why on earth would waving back at soneone make her say he is autistic? He was waving because someone waved at him that's really very different from flapping.

If you ask him to find a certain picture in a book when you are reading can he do it? ie point to the dog, cat, bird picture etc.

Original poster
Bellver888 · 17/03/2021 23:14

@Lindy2 when he feels like it, he has a baby chick money box and if I say where’s little chick he’ll look toward it and smile, he’s very loving too which is good.

He flaps both his hands when someone waves but to him he’s waving so that’s what I thought, he does flap when he’s excited but not often

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellver888 · 17/03/2021 23:15

He has no issue understanding words at all, he knows all gone and picked that up within a few days.

I called my nana about it earlier and her prize response was “well he’s probably not got anything to say” 🤣🤣

OP posts:
merryhouse · 17/03/2021 23:18

Is this the first time anyone has waved at your son?

It's like anything else he encounters - he sees it and attempts to imitate it, and sometimes he does it the same way and sometimes it's not the same. A flap is a perfectly rational first attempt at a wave.

According to Google 15 months is on the later side for first words but not massively so. He's showing every sign of understanding concepts, and presumably you've not noticed any problems with his hearing or you'd have mentioned that.

If you're bothered about the talking you could look at this link

pwheuss · 17/03/2021 23:21

Mine hardly spoke until 17 months, but once he started he was coming out with phrases rather than single words by 18 months. They all get there at their own pace. Your friend is being ridiculous to suggest autism based on that one incident of arm flapping.

Original poster
Bellver888 · 17/03/2021 23:21

No no he always gets waves, and always does a lil flap back, unless it’s to the bubbles in the bath at night. He was a very early walker, he was on the move age 11 months and running just after his 1st birthday.

Thank you for the talking link! I was never worried but every bit of advice helps! He’s a keen babbler and will often have a good old shout then get frustrated because I don’t understand what “dododdodod” means 😂😂 the last couple of weeks his thing has been finding the remote control to bring to me to put duggee on so he knows what he wants and how to get his point across

OP posts:
Bigbus · 17/03/2021 23:23

Using a parent’s hand as a tool is often associated with autism but if he’s using using his own hand first it could just be that he’s sharing the experience with you. Not one sign is enough to make a diagnosis. He’s only very young and he sounds like he’s doing well. If he’s not pointing by 18 months then it might be worth asking for some professional advice but then that said ‘normal’ is based on a range and 3% of ‘normal’ people will fall outside this range anyway!

Original poster
Bellver888 · 17/03/2021 23:26

He only uses my hand for books, anything else he is the definition of independent and doesn’t like help with anything, he uses my finger to point to certain thing in his books but I think he’s just copying me and wants me to do it

OP posts:
ChristmasAlone · 17/03/2021 23:26

I would imagine there are going to be a lot of children at the moment that in years gone by are considered late developers purely through lack of social interactions

Original poster
Bellver888 · 17/03/2021 23:26

@ChristmasAlone THIS!!!! I agree so so much

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellver888 · 17/03/2021 23:27

He’s started to learn pretend play now as well, he brushes my hair with his comb and gives me some of his drink, every time he has a drink now he goes “aaaah” afterwards, he makes my heart so bloody full

OP posts:
Pollypudding · 17/03/2021 23:32

Also a very good resource for communication
www.bbc.co.uk/tiny-happy-people

Tinty · 17/03/2021 23:35

He sounds perfect and your friend is a fool. He will probably be talking the hind legs off a donkey in a year.

All the things you say he can do sound completely normal. Smile

Blackdog19 · 17/03/2021 23:35

I heard baby boys are either good physically, as yours is, or verbally. My ds didn’t walk until 16 months! I’m sure he’s fine OP, I wouldn’t worry.

junebirthdaygirl · 17/03/2021 23:38

My ds had ten words on his second birthday. And that was at a stretch. He talks for a living now!
Your friend cannot diagnose autism. Even professionals have lots of criteria for deciding and can often disagree. She was out of order saying that. As a teacher if l have to suggest to a parent that there may be an issue l have sleepless nights preparing what l am going to say. For her to Alan out something like that so in sensitively speaks a lot about her.

junebirthdaygirl · 17/03/2021 23:39

Blab out!! (Not Alan)

Camomila · 17/03/2021 23:40

He sounds just like my 13m old, walked before a year, doesn't say much, and does a manic whole arm attempt at waving. I have no autism concerns whatsoever.

MUM2TJ · 17/03/2021 23:40

Your friend shouldn't be passing judgement just over a wave.As others have said there is not just one sign.My son was doing everything your son is doing at the same age only he had no real speech only babble or noises and he was still diagnosed as asd at age 7 when everyone including professionals told me that because he could give eye contact, was v independent and very loving etc that he definitely didn't have it. I honestly wouldn't worry over one wave.

SheSaidHummingbird · 17/03/2021 23:43

Bellver888 He sounds like an adorable little boy. What's that about bubbles??

Original poster
Bellver888 · 17/03/2021 23:43

Some people are just not friends at all. DS only knows eye contact he’s like a seagull!

OP posts:
user127820 · 17/03/2021 23:44

She's probably thinking of the habitual hand flapping that some people with autism do (stimming). It's a completely different thing to flapping in response to a wave which is a logical first step to waving for a baby with incomplete motor control.

I flapped my hand instead of waving for a few years until I finally figured it out!

LittleBearPad · 17/03/2021 23:54

every time he has a drink now he goes “aaaah” afterwards. He sounds adorable.

Your friend OTOH - maybe it’s time for a bit of social distancing!

Bythemillpond · 18/03/2021 00:02

Dd didn’t say a word till she was 2 and was at nursery. Then came out with full sentences. She used to point at what she wanted. Ds I could hand him a bottle at 6 weeks and he could feed himself, he walked at 9 months and although he talked I was the only one who understood him till he was 4 years old. He was a very physical child but talking or anything that didn’t involve brute strength went by the wayside.
I always think on these threads that more than likely the little one just hasn’t got there yet. They all develop at their own pace.

Homehaircuts · 18/03/2021 00:02

He sounds fine to me he is still very young just keep talking to him. I also speak to a health visitor the can give you some tips on how to encourage speech etc. If he points at something talk to him about the details as much as you can. Just keep talking to him all the time..he will be taking it all in. My first wasn't talking much at that age at all, other than mama dada and a couple more words. But understood what you asked him a lot of the time and gave a lot of eye contact so I think he was just taking it all in like yours is likely... I ask would ask mine around age 2 to fetch me things like his red toy on top of the table or behind the cup so he hearing as much detail as possible and knew he understood me even though he didn't talk much. My son liked to wave a lot he was sociable, yours sounds like he is taking an interest in all his surroundings and people. My son loved to switch things on and off constantly spun his hands and feet (like making circles with his wrists) when excited especially (it stopped somewhat when he started walking more around 16 months) He was very bright but a late talker he spoke 2/3 word sentences but did know a lot of words by then but just not sentences so much, he could count up to 100 and new his alphabet by two and a half but was definitely behind with speech. I would say mine properly spoke to around were he should be about 3 and a half/4 I must admit being my first I did have all these worries is he where he should be? But turned out very usual typical child now at the age of 9 he still very curious and excitable but absolutely no concerns in anywhere of his development. Quite a usual school boy. My second child totally different, spoke a lot earlier and not as excitable but didn't have the same focus on things like he certainly can't count to 100 even now and he is 5 soon he just doesn't care to. No worries with him either.

OloBo · 18/03/2021 03:13

Dear lord, does she expect children to be born doing the royal wave?