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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be told to make good out of a bad situation (Fuming)

35 replies

Workaholic94 · 17/03/2021 22:39

Hi all, I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not but I just feel so tired and pissed off!! I booked a week of annual leave for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday is a non working day.

Monday the childminder cannot take the children Monday or Tuesday.. Tuesday was okay because we were going to keep the children at home out of choice anyway, Monday we rescheduled for what is my non working day with the children so she’d have them then instead however she couldn’t take them today either. I’m not blaming her at at all for this and it’s no fault of her own.

I was just so looking forward to being child free and work free for one bloody week! I’ve got two under two and I’ve had 2 c sections and gallstone surgery the pregnancies and it’s just felt like a fucking lot over the last 2 bloody years and lockdown meant I couldn’t leave my babies with anyone and just head off on my own and I’m pissed to high heaven that all the shit always happens to me!!

My DP says well guess it could have happened when we were both working so let’s make good with a bad situation! I just wanted to say Fuck You!! With a bad situation all the bloody bad happens to me all the bloody time and I’m let picking up the bloody pieces!!

I’m tired and sick to death of making good out of a bad situation! I’m tired of being mum or colleague and I was so excited that maybe tomorrow might finally be my day and it turns out it’s only 1/2 a day annual lesve so I log off at 11:30! DP says that’s good right.. yeah whoops de bloody do.. 1/2 a day to myself 😭

I’m sorry for the long angry rant and I know there are more important things in the world right now but I just can’t catch a break and I needed to rant 😭 AIBU or not?

OP posts:

billy1966 · 17/03/2021 22:44

Absolutely YANBU.

Nothing worse than to be dying for a break to rest up and to have it snatched from you.

Poor you, it's been a very long year.

Those surgeries sound so hard going.
Of course you must feel you have been through a couple of wars.

Timeforabiscuit · 17/03/2021 22:46

You are absolutely not being unreasonable, it's shit with knobs on.

Original poster

Workaholic94 · 17/03/2021 22:48

I had an EMCS 2018 and gallstone surgery April 2019 when baby who was BF was approx 6 months old, got pregnant end of May 2019 and then had a terrible pregnancy with slow growth and early delivery of 8 weeks. My DS was born January 2020 weighing 3 lbs 8.

Then 2020 was premature baby and a year of lockdown so to feel really close to the bloody edge is an understatement

Thank you for understanding, it means a lot. I just feel so so tired

OP posts:

MumW · 17/03/2021 22:50

You are not alone. I'm so done with the world at the moment.

Both DC left home/at Uni - after 25 years this was supposed to be my time for a while to do my thing guilt free and covid has f*ed it up. DH is wfh and I can't move (or not) without being quizzed as to what I am/am not doing.
I feel your pain. 😱

m0therofdragons · 17/03/2021 22:50

On the couple of occasions I booked a whole day off work so I could watch an assembly then have the rest of the day child free one of the other dc was sent home from school sick. Obviously I love dc and of course I looked after them when ill but they were my naughty afternoons for me to unwind. Never actually managed it. Dc are now 9,9 and 13 and I actually have quite cups of uninterrupted tea but it’s so hard when they’re little. Didn’t have many offers to babysit the twins either - most were terrified and we’ve gone through after school club and a childminder that all closed due to covid. There are a few available but I don’t want dc being left with a last resort cm.

Overall I’m saying I hear you and childcare is unreliable and hard. It gets easier.

autumnboys · 17/03/2021 22:52

YANBU at all. It’s horrible to have a day off snatched away and be told oh well, make the best of it. You’ve had a very tough couple of years.

Original poster

Workaholic94 · 17/03/2021 22:54

@MumW I completely get where you are coming from! My DP goes to the office for a couple of days and then works from home the rest but that means he’s always around in some shape or form. He tells me I should appreciate the times when he is in the office and the kids are out and I’m home.. I’ve said I’m still bloody working though, I’m not just at home doing nothing

My job is primarily calls as well so it is non stop talking and emailing all day so just one day of complete silence would be bliss

OP posts:

JoyOrbison · 17/03/2021 22:55

I get you op. I booked 8th March off to sit in a quiet house! (It was mine. Not someone else's)

You need to plan... When dc can stay ovrr you need either a relative who can do a 2 night sleepover or 2 relatives to do consecutive night sleepovers so you get the benefit of a big chunk of time child free with 2 bedtimes and mornings in your own and one huge day where you don't have to clockwatch!

Amdone123 · 17/03/2021 23:08

YANBU. You were looking forward to it, and it sounds like you desperately need some time alone. That's normal after all you've been through.
Honestly, when I read threads like this, I wish I could magic myself to you and take over for at least 48 hours!
I hope it gets easier for you.

DimidDavilby · 17/03/2021 23:11

Make him take the kids out on the weekend at least so you can get some quiet. For his stupid comment alone! Have you told him how overwhelmed you are feeling?

Original poster

Workaholic94 · 17/03/2021 23:19

I know DP doesn’t make it any better. He’s just told me maybe I could do with ringing the GP for wellness of self 🙄

I am finally enjoying being back at work since having a stressful time with a premature baby and then having to return to work from maternity leave 4 months earlier than planned because he lost his job due to COVID (obviously not his fault but still)

I got signed off then because the pressure of work/mother broke me and then it’s finally being going well enough that I just wanted to use annual leave for a bit of relaxation time and he’s made out it’s because I am “sick”

I had annual leave last month for my birthday and I ended up having my period over that time frame and being really bad with it so again it just felt like another knock to me and I don’t know how many more knocks I can take

OP posts:

Lacucuracha · 17/03/2021 23:29

YANBU. I hope you told him that?

Does DP do his equal share of housework/childcare?

Original poster

Workaholic94 · 17/03/2021 23:34

@Lacucuracha he does help with the children, He is really hands on with them but he does absolutely no housework at all.. he may occasionally do the dishes and yes he does DIY but no he won’t sort his washing out or anything.. everyone has clean clothes because of me.

He’ll just leave clean clothes for days in his wash basket, I’ve got everyone their own clean wash basket so clothes can go in there and then at bedtime I put the kids clothes away and mine.

He gets a fresh towel every day but doesn’t get the rid of the old one, he just hangs them up next to each other so when I go to the towel rack there are 4 towels hanging up

OP posts:

Original poster

Workaholic94 · 17/03/2021 23:36

I also do all the admin and family house organising. I’ve sorted the childcare the last 2 years and I do all the click and collects. I sort all the birthday reminders and everything like that.

I have said to him countless times the mental load is exhausting. I get time to myself and I have all this piled on instead my head. He says I don’t ask about finances or anything like that because you are so good at it

OP posts:

BlackCatShadow · 17/03/2021 23:38

I think maybe you need to have a serious talk with him. Everyone needs a break and he needs to do more around the house.

Lacucuracha · 17/03/2021 23:39

Then I think the bigger issue is he is not pulling his weight.

Working out of home/wfh and doing all the housework is too much, OP, why do you put up with it?

One immediate change is to stop doing his laundry. No clothes, no towels, nothing. He takes it on from tomorrow!

BlackCatShadow · 17/03/2021 23:41

My advice is to split the chores. These are your chores and these are mine, so you don’t need to micromanage them. For example, if his chore is loading and emptying the dishwasher or his nights are Tuesdays and Thursday to cook, don’t keep reminding him. Just let him get on with it.

theuncles · 18/03/2021 00:05

@JoyOrbison

I get you op. I booked 8th March off to sit in a quiet house! (It was mine. Not someone else's)

Ha ha - this sounds lovely, but we don't all have magic relatives who can just pop over and look after our babies! I was lucky to have one elderly MIL who could have them for an hour or two while I went to the shops, but the rest of my family are spread about, and I'm sure many other people are in the same boat.

As PPs have said - it sounds as though there's a bit of DH issue here.......

Ineedcoffee2021 · 18/03/2021 00:11

So not unreasonable
Id be tempted to take myself to a hotel for the night

FlyNow · 18/03/2021 00:12

When dc can stay ovrr you need either a relative who can do a 2 night sleepover or 2 relatives to do consecutive night sleepovers so you get the benefit of a big chunk of time child free with 2 bedtimes and mornings in your own and one huge day where you don't have to clockwatch!

A relative who can do two sleepovers! I don't think this is a thing. Surely most people don't even have a relative who would do one sleepover.

FlyNow · 18/03/2021 00:14

It always happens OP. My DH and I planned our first day out together in years, my dc of course was sick that day. He is sick once a year or less but of course it fell on that day.

BluePheasant · 18/03/2021 00:22

Bloody hell OP, no wonder you're completely burnt out. Your DH needs to start pulling his weight and help with chore, life admin etc. A lot of men will very easily fall happily into the routine of it all being done for them. You just have to stop. Yes he will carrying on leaving those towels but eventually he will see that the magic fairies aren't doing it all anymore. You can't go on like this.

billy1966 · 18/03/2021 10:38

He sounds really lazy.
A selfish waster.

An unsympathetic selfish waster.

Stop doing his lsundry and start doing food for yourself.

He does a bit with the children and a bit of DIY.

Ridiculous.

You mind yourself OP.
He doesn't have your back and it sounds like you are dangerously close to burn out.

Bullet proof your contraception with this lazy, selfish twat.

Original poster

Workaholic94 · 18/03/2021 10:48

@billy1966- He does a lot with the children but he has that break away to have the enthusiasm to do it again the next day... I don’t because I work 9 hour days and when I log off at bedtime, I help out then I have the children on a Wednesday so we aren’t paying for 5 days of childcare.

He’s had a vasectomy which after a boy and and a girl and I’ve had two c sections which the second one caused me to lose a lot of blood, we decided that we would not have anymore. I’ve said I’m not having anymore ever ever again even if we split or he passed away, pregnancy has been cruel and body breaking to me and all I can think is I could die from this and I have children to care for already. When I had the second c section all I could think was if I die I am leaving my DD and I don’t even know if my DS had made it.

OP posts:

billy1966 · 18/03/2021 11:07

He needs to do more.

You have had 3 major surgeries in the last couple of years.

I can't even begin to imagine how hard on your body that must have been.

Then returning to work 4 months early.

You are doing too much.

He needs to do more in the house.

If you don't take care of yourself, you are in danger of becoming ill.

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