To be told to make good out of a bad situation (Fuming)

[Workaholic94]

Hi all, I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not but I just feel so tired and pissed off!! I booked a week of annual leave for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday is a non working day.

Monday the childminder cannot take the children Monday or Tuesday.. Tuesday was okay because we were going to keep the children at home out of choice anyway, Monday we rescheduled for what is my non working day with the children so she’d have them then instead however she couldn’t take them today either. I’m not blaming her at at all for this and it’s no fault of her own.

I was just so looking forward to being child free and work free for one bloody week! I’ve got two under two and I’ve had 2 c sections and gallstone surgery the pregnancies and it’s just felt like a fucking lot over the last 2 bloody years and lockdown meant I couldn’t leave my babies with anyone and just head off on my own and I’m pissed to high heaven that all the shit always happens to me!!

My DP says well guess it could have happened when we were both working so let’s make good with a bad situation! I just wanted to say Fuck You!! With a bad situation all the bloody bad happens to me all the bloody time and I’m let picking up the bloody pieces!!

I’m tired and sick to death of making good out of a bad situation! I’m tired of being mum or colleague and I was so excited that maybe tomorrow might finally be my day and it turns out it’s only 1/2 a day annual lesve so I log off at 11:30! DP says that’s good right.. yeah whoops de bloody do.. 1/2 a day to myself 😭

I’m sorry for the long angry rant and I know there are more important things in the world right now but I just can’t catch a break and I needed to rant 😭 AIBU or not?

Don't scream "fuck you!!!" at him for trying to look positively. A positive attitude is usually more helpful than him saying "yeah, life's a cunt, but enjoy it know, it'll only get worse."

You need to differentiate between things you have control over and things you can't. If he's not doing his share of housework, that's something you can discuss with him. (When you have calmed down, not when you're angry.) But don't blame him for situations that are not his fault, like your childminder not being available or the fact we have to work to earn money to survive.

YANBU. I know it's not in the spirit of things, but a fresh towel every day? We use one per week each. That's one wash per week.
So yes, either he does all his own laundry, or you cut right back to reduce your workload.

He does a lot with the children but he has that break away

Take that break too, just ike he does.
He has a break at the weekend/evening/whatever. Organise your self and do the same. Put him in the situation where he has no other choice but to look after his two dcs whilst you have a break and have NO DCS around.
I'd also encourage you to stop running around after him (eg with his clothes). He is full grown adult. Loking after your clothes is pretty normal in my book whereas letting someone else doing it and not lifting a finbger is lazy/entitled/sexist depending on how you are chosing to see it.

Btw his answer that if you are struggling it's because you mist 'sick' or to send away to a weelbeing clinic /GP is crap.

He is basically saing you ought to be able to cope ans if you don't, its because yu are depressed etc.. Not one word along the lines of 'How can I help you?' which is and at the same time :(
You need to strenthen your boundaries and stop a sitiuation where your health is suffering because he cant be bothered to make an effort.

He definitely doesn’t do enough to help with my mental load and the physical housework. I sorted every childcare after maternity leave out and the first time he didn’t even contemplate it being a thing.. my mind is running at 1000 miles per hour all the time and his is running more like 100 miles per hour and it’s work and his hobby and the children but mine is work & the children and the housework and trying to find time to relax and find something to do to relax..

He already has an established hobby but it takes up the majority of his brain space & that gets me down a bit. He will get my birthday card a day before my birthday and I get his a month before for example.

He started a new job and he had an old and tired looking wardrobe so when he started his new job I bought him a whole new wardrobe and shoes.. 3 weeks into the new job I find him wearing one of the shirts too do DIY in.. I blew at him because I never buy my own clothes because I feel scarred and ugly so I hide under maternity clothes too and then I find him abusing his work wardrobe

I just feel like my brain never slows and my body is physically tired and my brain is like a conveyor belt of constant thoughts

I was very upset about the go see your GP and get signed off comment more than the make good out of a bad situation comment. I love my job and I love going to work.. I love being a mum but when it is Groundhog Day every day and I work from 8-6 4 days and then have the children for a full day in between.

I know lockdown is hard and we cannot go anywhere but this feels like 2 years of complete shite which makes me feel like I resent my children, which I don’t I just need a break when I try and take one

He’s being a dick OP! But you know that. Everyone deserves a bit of rest. You don’t need a GP - you know how to look after yourself - just have a bit of time to yourself!

My exh was a bit like this. When I might say “I’m feeling a bit under the weather, I need a bit of a rest / lie down” (not often), he absolutely couldn’t bear that and would say “oh, go to hospital then!”

He is a twat @Workaholic94.

Stop acting like a mother to him otherwise he’ll carry on acting like a child.
If he doesn’t have shirts for his new job, it’s HIS problem, not yours. If he wants to damage said shirts, again his issue to go and replace them.
He wants time for his hobby as well as Braun space? Fine but you take, I mean jUST take, that same time for yourself.

Atm you are running yourself down to the ground doing everything AND doing things that not really your responsibility.

Time to treat him like an adult. And to treat yourself as someone worthy of rest and respect.

OP,

Whatever you do, stop thinking you are with a good kind man, because you are not, and he is anything but.

You have had several sugeries and he doest the very least he can get away with.

He's no prize.

The towel thing is a joke.
Stop the laundry.

Reach out to family and friends.

You are drowning and he's holding a life belt and not giving a damn.

You need to really think hard about just how selfish he is.

@MumW

At least yours have left, one of mine seems to have turned up here. I moved away, she's meant to be resident with her dad!