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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel utterly shattered that my 2 DS’s have had such a rubbish first year at uni ...?

49 replies

Aperole · 17/03/2021 21:10

I wish i could stop feeling like this and put it in perspective ... they were the first to go to uni in our family and i just feel so sad that their 1st year experience has been so disappointing, i keep thinking and wishing they had deferred for a year ,,,?

I know there are so many young people that are going through this same experience with uni and it’s beyond anyone’s control , but i do still feel knotted up about it all and the missed experiences that are having ...,

OP posts:
CreosoteQueen · 17/03/2021 21:12

Yanbu, I feel so very sorry for university students at the moment. It’s so far from the experience they should be having. In some ways they’re hit harder than anyone because they’re missing out on many experiences which you only get to do once, and which are time limited.

ThatsAllFolks · 17/03/2021 21:15

Mine is in third year. Been home more than there. Paying rent n bills throughout. Has long covid. Year two was depressed and barely interacted. Year one students aren't different from the others

AuntyMabelandPippin · 17/03/2021 21:18

One of mine is just finishing, so I doubt there'll be a Graduation.

It's just shit for them, for school pupils, for absolutely everyone.

Hopefully it'll be better for them next year.

Babyroobs · 17/03/2021 21:21

It is awful. I have a ds in his third year and he has missed so much and lots of voluntary work opportunities relating to his degree. Dreading him graduating in a few months and the dire job situation. My Ds2 considered going to Uni this year but chose an apprenticiship instead which he is enjoying.

motherstongue · 17/03/2021 21:24

No graduation for my DS this year. He’s doing a Masters next year so hopefully he can get a graduation then.

Yes, we’ve been paying the bills too whilst he’s been at home. He’s handled it all really well but he is really missing his friends and social life now.

Thank goodness my DD has a further year to go before starting Uni. Hopefully she will have a nearer normal experience. Fingers crossed

ChristmasAlone · 17/03/2021 21:28

From my personal experience I would have hated missing my 1st year, it's a massively life changing step with independence and so much more. I would really resent having to pay the potentially £18k for the year to not experience it at all.

Original poster
Aperole · 17/03/2021 21:33

Yep , it’s just awful , not just for 1st years - i know all years at uni during covid have really missed out :(

OP posts:
Mummadeze · 17/03/2021 21:37

Must be so disappointing. I don’t blame you for feeling sad for them. I also feel sad for my DD who started at secondary school in September and thinks it is awful and misses her primary so much. Am sure it wouldn’t be so bad under normal circumstances.

MissConductUS · 17/03/2021 21:43

My DD is in her first year of uni and DS is in his third. DD did uni in her bedroom in the fall but was able to attend on campus in January. She's much happier now that she's there, so yanbu.

DS was on campus in the fall and is home now doing a remote internship and perfectly happy about it. But he had his first two years on campus, so he's had that experience and made his friends.

Ohwhatllipick · 17/03/2021 21:43

YANBU, it’s so, so sad for them. My friend’s DD is away in Europe for her year abroad (languages) and has literally been sitting alone in a room for most of that time, when she should have been experiencing the culture and immersing into the language. Really is tough on first years too because they’ve no support network yet. Hopefully they’ll get a sort of freshers experience in second year though. Hopefully.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 17/03/2021 21:44

It is awful. But it can’t be changed.

DD1 was desperately ill (lucky to survive) and missed an academic year. Sadly all her friendships fell away whilst she was sick. She started uni in September 2020 aged 19 and a half. She, and we, had hopes not only of her progressing her study but also (maybe mostly) of finding new friends and interests. She had one term of once a week face to face learning. Nothing more “in person” until April. It’s a devastating blow. But I don’t think there was an alternative.

HarryDresdensLeatherDuster · 17/03/2021 21:44

It is sad for them that they have not had the experiences that they might have had but it really is not something you should be 'utterly shattered' about. Mine has been home since the 'travel window' before Christmas. Just him and me shut in together. Yes it is disappointing. No it is not what either of us would have wanted but he it really isn't the end of the world.

Shopliftersoftheworldunite · 17/03/2021 21:49

I do feel sorry for university students. My undergrad was an absolute blast and I would have been so sorry to miss out on it. It was life changing for me.

Although, I feel sorry for everyone! I am in my early 30s and I currently have the perfect combination of money and freedom for some seriously luxury holidays AND LEAVING THE COUNTRY IS ILLEGAL. I can barely believe it.

StormcloakNord · 17/03/2021 21:58

I'm a mature student and I really do understand what you mean.

It's my first year and I'm feeling very very sorry for myself. Not that I'd be making friends and partying and doing all the experiences associated with attending Uni but I've really missed all the small things like being able to go to the library, being in lectures, being around people, experiencing a campus. It's crap, but thankfully it's just the first year and the second year will hopefully be far, far better!

NailsNeedDoing · 17/03/2021 22:04

It is particularly harsh on university students, I agree with you. While it is also shit for plenty of others in education, they aren't getting into debt just to stay in their own bedrooms like uni students.

Kitkat151 · 17/03/2021 22:06

@Aperole ‘Utterly shattered’ is a bit over the top....people have had family die of Covid, have had family kill themselves, not seen family for 18 months, Have had to watch elderly relatives in care homes go into such a decline they will never recognise their loved ones again......Now if they said they were utterly shattered I would agree with them.....I could go on and name other instances....l.but I won’t.....I’ve made my point.....I hope 🙄

AlexaShutUp · 17/03/2021 22:07

Yanbu, it has been a miserable year for students, especially first years. I do feel bad for them.

blue25 · 17/03/2021 22:08

I agree that “utterly shattered” sounds so over dramatic. Are you usually so emotional? Parents whose children have killed themselves, been sectioned or similar may be feeling utterly shattered, but I don’t really understand you feeling that way if I’m honest.

NovemberR · 17/03/2021 22:11

I'm sad for them, but this year has been terrible for all sorts of people.

My DD graduated (or at least finished...) as a nurse last year. After three years hard graft she was straight into working on Covid wards.

Has had no graduation ceremony, no celebration, no congratulations for all her hard work. Obviously, we sent her a card/small gift - but we haven't been able to meet up and it felt like a damp squib.

She's not complained, but I feel sad for her. Presumably her year will never get an official graduation ceremony.

Original poster
Aperole · 17/03/2021 22:12

Thanks for your responses. Yep, I do agree ‘utterly shattered’ does sound a bit over the top and I know there are far worse things that have happened to people , especially during covid - i just needed to vent i think ...

OP posts:
Pearlypinknails · 17/03/2021 22:19

There's lots feeling pretty gutted, on WIWIKAU Facebook a couple of mums have said their DCs have deferred or dropped out. Some are restarting this September which seems like a good idea to me. DD graduates next year, if she's done enough to pass this year online.

It's shit.

Helmetbymidnight · 17/03/2021 22:21

Its gutting. - Especially for w/c kids. Really.

IdblowJonSnow · 17/03/2021 22:24

I agree it's a particularly shit time for students to be hit with lockdown which has now spanned the majority of two academic years.

Old enough to be independent and enjoy all that comes with that - normally - but told young to have much sense of perspective.

It's awful but what can you do. It's good you're there for your kids.

Embracelife · 17/03/2021 22:24

What would they have done if deferred? Nowhere to go...
They have a year of study out the way now
There are many worse off

PrintempsAhoy · 17/03/2021 22:24

I feel bad for my kids too (16 and 18) but I find that weirdly their generation seems to cope better than us?

What do you reckon?

We compare their situation with ours, at that age, and feel bad for them. It is crap. But, they seem to take it into their stride more.

They’ll make up for it

Feeling regret on behalf of others is really wasted energy, indulging in these feelings leads you nowhere. It does not help them either . So I try to shake myself out of it Smile

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