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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My best friend is refusing the jab & trying to convince me to refuse it too.

81 replies

Kellogschocrolls · 17/03/2021 17:52

I feel a bit put-upon by my best friend who is intelligent & very educated & who is refusing to have the jab. She's putting pressure on me to refuse it too, telling me I don't know what I'm poisoning my system with & the true side effects won't be known for years. I don't have the knowledge to argue back I'm just bloody glad to get my dose when the time comes. I feel like I'm being made to feel a naïve fool. Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable. I want to have confidence in this not feel like I'm signing my own death warrant.

OP posts:
Nsky · 17/03/2021 18:13

The odds are for you not against, tell her that law if averages

Clymene · 17/03/2021 18:18

You don't need to have the knowledge to argue back. She's getting her information from the internet, you're trusting the NHS.

Tell her you've made up your mind and that you're not discussing it.

Every time she tries to talk about it, tell her you're not discussing it. She'll either stop being your best friend or shut up.

TheOldRazzleDazzle · 17/03/2021 18:22

I don’t agree that op’s friend is necessarily into conspiracy theories based on the description given. I was worried about having the vaccination not because I’m an antivaxxer, but because I suffer from health anxiety and it simply cannot be ruled out that something untoward may emerge years down the line. This was acknowledged by the lovely staff at the centre I had mine done at as I was a little hesitant.

OP, your friend is absolutely out of order for trying to influence you over this, though, and for causing you to doubt your own judgement. Make your own decision based on what you’re comfortable with. Nobody should be coercing or pressurising anybody else on this matter.

shivawn · 17/03/2021 18:23

What does your friend think the solution to the pandemic is? Staying locked down forever? Or go back to normal and to hell with the vulnerable....just let the health system become completely overwhelmed?

Timbucktime · 17/03/2021 18:24

She has her opinion and you have yours, neither is right or wrong.

countbackfromten · 17/03/2021 18:25

I had my second dose recently and was over the moon. My parents had their first a few weeks ago and I cried with relief. I have been treating Covid-19 patients the whole way through this pandemic. Please don’t be put off getting it by her!!!

Darkstar4855 · 17/03/2021 18:27

Your friend may be “intelligent and well educated” but unless she has specific expertise on the Covid vaccine then I wouldn’t be taking her comments as anything more than personal opinion.

The uptake amongst healthcare professionals including doctors has been massive. Do you really think all these people would be having if they didn’t believe it was safe and effective?

ElderMillennial · 17/03/2021 18:27

It's not very nice if she's talking down to you as if she knows better. It sounds like that's what she's doing.

Whywonttheyhelpme · 17/03/2021 18:30

Opinions are like bum holes. Everyone has one but you are best not discussing them in public.

Tell your best friend to mind her own business.

XenoBitch · 17/03/2021 18:32

YANBU. I would be re-evaluating a friendship where someone was repeatedly trying to influence any of my own medical decisions (be that have the vaccine or not). It is your choice, end of. It is not up for discussion.

Parker231 · 17/03/2021 18:35

She doesn’t sound much like a friend. Why would a friend try and talk you out of something so positive for you and the general public.

Oldbutstillgotit · 17/03/2021 18:35

DGS’s Dad refuses to wear a mask and will refuse the vaccine. He upset DGS so much with weird theories that when I had mine , DGS was terrified that something awful would happen to me . I was fine.

Di11y · 17/03/2021 18:36

The side effects may be unknown (although it's thoroughly tested) but the known side effects of covid are pretty terrible so I know what I'll be choosing.

ddl1 · 17/03/2021 18:37

YANBU! She has the right to refuse the vaccination for HERSELF; but not to demand that you not get it. And it is not true that the side effects 'won't be known for years'. If a vaccine has a bad effect on someone, it's usually evident within a short time. Unless your doctor has advised against the vaccine due to some rare allergy or similar, it would be wise for you to get it. The side effects of Covid are worse than any likely side effects of the vaccine! And so, for that matter, are the side effects of prolonged isolation and inactivity, as the only other way to avoid Covid; and of poverty due to economic damage if we are to be in indefinite lockdown. The vaccine is, at worst, the lesser of the evils. I had mine last weekend, and, except for feeling slightly sleepy, had no side effects.

Lordamighty · 17/03/2021 18:38

If one of my friends was an antivaxxer I would block them. It’s a level of idiocy I am not prepared to tolerate.

custardbear · 17/03/2021 18:40

I wonder if she's waiting for us all to turn into zombies - apocalypse ensues 🤣

HarryElephante · 17/03/2021 18:41

She's right in that potential side effects won't be know for years.

Whether trying to influence you one way or another is a good or bad thing, it would depend entirely on your friendship.

HarryElephante · 17/03/2021 18:45

@Lordamighty

If one of my friends was an antivaxxer I would block them. It’s a level of idiocy I am not prepared to tolerate.
Being wary of a brand new vaccine is not idiocy by any means.

I'm not an anti vaxxer - nor do I wish to have that discussion - but there is more than a modicum of common sense in waiting to have this vaccine.

Mintjulia · 17/03/2021 18:46

So hundreds of scientists and medics have endorsed the vaccination of 25 million people in the U.K. and your friend, who I assume is not a world renown epidemiologist, says 'don't have it'.

Is she prone to arrogance generally? Hmm

CtrlU · 17/03/2021 18:46

Just do what is best for YOU...not sure why a post is needed on this anyway

toconclude · 17/03/2021 18:51

I'm also intelligent and (very) well educated and happily had my jab today. Difference is, I used both to do proper assessment of risk vs reward. Your friend is wrong. She may do as she likes but she has no right whatever to try to try to pressure you into making the same decision, especially one unsupported by any credible evidence.

Enuffisenough · 17/03/2021 18:52

"Dear friend, I appreciate your concern for my health. I've considered it carefully and for a number of reasons have decided I wish to have the vaccine. I appreciate and respect your decision not to, but I'd really rather not discuss it any further. By the way did you watch (insert name of TV programme), what do you think will happen with X character/situation?" Rinse and repeat as often as required until she takes the hint

littlepattilou · 17/03/2021 19:03

@Enuffisenough

"Dear friend, I appreciate your concern for my health. I've considered it carefully and for a number of reasons have decided I wish to have the vaccine. I appreciate and respect your decision not to, but I'd really rather not discuss it any further. By the way did you watch (insert name of TV programme), what do you think will happen with X character/situation?" Rinse and repeat as often as required until she takes the hint
This. ^ Send this to your friend @Kellogschocrolls

That's excellent enuffisenuff!

littlepattilou · 17/03/2021 19:03

@Enuffisenough

"Dear friend, I appreciate your concern for my health. I've considered it carefully and for a number of reasons have decided I wish to have the vaccine. I appreciate and respect your decision not to, but I'd really rather not discuss it any further. By the way did you watch (insert name of TV programme), what do you think will happen with X character/situation?" Rinse and repeat as often as required until she takes the hint
This. ^ Send this to your friend @Kellogschocrolls

That's excellent enuffisenuff!

pinkearedcow · 17/03/2021 19:04

I'm not an anti vaxxer - nor do I wish to have that discussion - but there is more than a modicum of common sense in waiting to have this vaccine

So if we all wait to have the vaccine, how do we control the virus in the meantime?

OP I had the vaccine the other day and am fine. I felt a bit rough for a couple of days afterwards, which is very common, but am fine now.