To be scared of sex life fading in long term relationship

[Sweet666]

I see endless posts on here about people being in relationships where they rarely have sex, once per week seems to be considered good/often among married people on mumsnet and it scares me for my future. If my sex life dwindled like that I wouldn't be able to help but wonder if I'm becoming less attractive/appealing and I would feel like I wasn't as connected to my partner anymore. Is it silly to worry about this if it hasn't happened yet? Should it be expected? Is it inevitable or do you only hear the worst online but it doesn't represent reality? Me and my dp have been together about a year and a half and currently 2-4 times per day when we are together which isn't every day but is most days

2-4 times a day 😱😱😱 lucky you !

Realistically the urge to bang each other's brains out whenever you see each other does fade but if you're both sexual people (plus you don't live together) then there is no reason why you shouldn't still have plenty of it! My DP and I see each 2-3 times a week and we have sex every time and it's great. I used to have sex with my husband that often too when we were together but I definitely think couples are more up for it if they don't live together.

People aren’t going to post if they have a satisfying and fulfilling sex life though as it’s a help board?!
You only ask for what the issues are?
That’s like saying is every man going to be abusive because there’s so many posts on here about abusive men. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Yes, I think it's pretty silly to worry. You don't have DC, you don't live together, you're still a new couple. If you move forward into marriage/a LT live-in relationship things will naturally change, the urgency and the novelty will wear off somewhat and DC put a spanner in the works in all sorts of ways. Couples who have been together 10+ years and live together do not tend to be doing it multiple times a day whatever happens, because they have other shit to do. And that's generally okay with both parties unless a big gap in drive has opened up.

If you both have a high drive and prioritise your sexual relationship likely your sex life will still be fine and mutually satisfying even if it's - gasp - not every day after some years. People don't tend to post when they have a very good sex life, thank you very much, because they don't need to. And being all over each other at the start at least means you have a better shot at being sexually compatible in the future. In many of the sexless relationships on here, the sex was never that great but people overlooked it in the beginning.

I think worrying ahead of time is pointless OP. It might be you that ends up not wanting it anyway- libido is affected by any number of things in life or life changes- age, general health, illness/injury/hormones/mental health, stress at work, how good the relationship is generally. Nobody can predict these things and a person has more value than just whether or not they're sexually able to perform or their partner finds them sexually viable.

It is silly to worry now! Everyone is different with different lives. We’ve been married 26 years. Yes it’s once a week mostly because we’re busy, have kids, one being disabled etc etc. I’m menopausal as well!

Lol at 2-4 times a day! You do realise people have different sex drives don’t you? I certainly have never had any interest in having sex as often as you!

My DH and I have been together for 15 years and yes we “only” do it about once a week but we never did do it much more than that so this does not represent any dwindling for us. If anything DH wants it more now than he used to but I don’t do we average out at once a week which I am more than happy with.

How old are you and do you seriously think you will keep having sex several times a day for the rest of your life?!

Oh god, we're down to about once every 6-8wks at the moment! lack of sleep is the main reason due to a tricky baby.

I am worried as we have dwindled to once every month or 6 weeks, my dh seems less interested ??

To be perfectly frank with you, it worries me that you think sexual intercourse is the only way to feel close and connected to your man.

What about a meeting of minds? Sympathy of outlook and beliefs? Emotions? Love? Sharing secrets, hopes, dreams, children, a home? Personality compatibility?

There are other ways to be close and connected, not just genitals.

Everyone’s different - sex drive, priorities included. Key factors which seem to change frequency, possibility, enthusiasm, are living together, pregnancy, babies and young children, work pressures, health issues, mental health issues esp depression, weight gain, menopause, porn use/addiction, the simple passage of time, complacency, boredom.

If you don’t have the above invited or thrust into your lives, stay mutually attracted and interested, you both actively choose to make your physical relationship a priority then you can probably carry on as you are.

Not everyone wants sex 2-4 times a day and plenty of people literally can't, they need some recovery time before they can orgasm again.

I'm pretty sure you know full well that you have a higher sex drive than many people. Enjoy it but do remember hormone levels vary hugely, especially as you age, and if a relationship is 90% based on most of your waking hours together being spent in the sack, good luck with that surviving a) pregnancy b) breastfeeding or c) the menopause.

2-4 times a day will change when you live together, and the sound of his snoring, chewing or another habit he has makes you want to smother him. Or until you have kids. It just isn't happening 😂
Me and my DH were 2-4 times a day at 18 when we had nothing else to do 😂 it's not a realistic expectation long term. Sorry to burst your bubble. It's not worth worrying over a year in anyway! Enjoy it for now x

@CallMeCleo

To be perfectly frank with you, it worries me that you think sexual intercourse is the only way to feel close and connected to your man.

What about a meeting of minds? Sympathy of outlook and beliefs? Emotions? Love? Sharing secrets, hopes, dreams, children, a home? Personality compatibility?

There are other ways to be close and connected, not just genitals.

What a weirdly judgemental post Just because people enjoy fucking each other doesn't mean they ONLY enjoy that And even if they do only enjoy that so what? Why would that worry you or anyone?

Well, wait 'til you live together, find out his ear hairs are longer than his nostril ones, no longer need a morning alarm because his thunderclap farts wake you, have kids, school runs, homework, puberty, jobs that grind you down, cancer diagnoses, shit happening... life. Because life, blessed gift that it is, does have a way of setting some traps along its otherwise glorious path. And sometimes, sex takes a backseat. When it does, if you're a loving couple with a strong bond, you'll get through those times when sex is placed on the backburner. OP, you won't always be having sex 2-4 times a day, I'm afraid.

Shag each other 'til you've got muscles on your muscles and enjoy! It doesn't last forever, but while the amount you have sex will recede over time, the bond that fuses your love is an amazing lifebuoy that carries you through all sorts. You can still have great sex, OP... just less of it. DH and I finally got rid of our ancient rug that's seen years of kids, dogs, and cats ruining it. We used to shag each other silly on that rug, once upon a time. But the kids, the cats, the dog, the passing years, the ups, the down, the in-betweens all exist because we used to shag 2-4 times a day.... long ago!

Changes in frequency are normal - it's only an issue if one of you is bothered by it.

DP and I probably have sex once a month at the moment. He son is always in the next room, work as a key worker is insane, sex is the last thing on our minds.

Life gets in the way sometimes. But that's okay.

@CallMeCleo

To be perfectly frank with you, it worries me that you think sexual intercourse is the only way to feel close and connected to your man.

What about a meeting of minds? Sympathy of outlook and beliefs? Emotions? Love? Sharing secrets, hopes, dreams, children, a home? Personality compatibility?

There are other ways to be close and connected, not just genitals.

Nothing wrong with liking a shag, calm down

Fuck me!!!
How do you get the time?
Fair play to you though. 🥰

I've never wanted sex 2-4 times a day with anyone. How do you get any cleaning done?

If yo7 both have high sex drives and make it a priority, I see no reason why it should dwindle.

*you obvs

Do you both work from home ? I couldn’t fit that in even if I wanted to.

I think you need to address the link you have between how often you have sex and your attractiveness/worth.

DH and I have sex when we are able to, which at times, has been very infrequent. The great majority of time we spend together is when we are fully clothed, cleaning the house while the kids try and monopolise our attention.

We both make an effort to say 'I love you' and 'thank you' and I cook him nice meals while he shampoos the carpet for the millionth time because the dog has pissed in it. That's what love looks like three kids, three dogs and 19 years down the line

There's no link for me between self worth and frequency of shagging.

2-4 times a day would do my head in. At no point in my life has there been a time when I have not had other things to do.

Now, after 12 years of marriage and 3 kids we are a once every 10 days type couple, sometimes more, sometimes less. We're busy and tired.

Still love each other as much though. If not more/differently.