To be scared of sex life fading in long term relationship

[Sweet666]

I see endless posts on here about people being in relationships where they rarely have sex, once per week seems to be considered good/often among married people on mumsnet and it scares me for my future. If my sex life dwindled like that I wouldn't be able to help but wonder if I'm becoming less attractive/appealing and I would feel like I wasn't as connected to my partner anymore. Is it silly to worry about this if it hasn't happened yet? Should it be expected? Is it inevitable or do you only hear the worst online but it doesn't represent reality? Me and my dp have been together about a year and a half and currently 2-4 times per day when we are together which isn't every day but is most days

@wusbanker

I've never wanted sex 2-4 times a day with anyone. How do you get any cleaning done?

To be fair, wanting to clean instead is absolutely not why I'm not having sex 2-4 times a day.

OP, there are a lot of reasons couples go from daily sex to weekly, or monthly sex. They're not attractiveness related - it's to do with time, energy, other priorities. I could very easily have all the sex in the world if I had no children and nothing to do at weekends. But i (we) do, so here we are. We both work long stressful days, we have primary aged children, we have a house renovation, when we're allowed we like to socialise with friends. Occasionally I clean 😁 Something has to move further down the priority list for us to do all those things too 🤷🏼‍♀️

says the 25 year olds with no kids!!

but in all seriousness, your sex drive is likely to dwindle after a few years together but it doesn't mean you love each less. Chuck in a few sleepless nights, no time for a shower because a baby has been screaming at you for 11 hours straight and I can probably assure you that sex will be the last thing on your mind!

However, its not always like that! My DP and I rarely DTD at night, we now make dates with each for the day time because as the kids are at school/nursery we actually have the house to ourselves and can really have some fun without a kid screaming for something, waking up etc. If you want sex to happen, it will but it's natural for your sex drive to dwindle a bit!

@MrsBobDylan Definite love that is ! 😄

If you are in a long term healthy relationship its more that it waxes and wanes I would argue. I would seriously be questioning why you link your attractiveness to frequency of sex.

I am amazing whether DP wants to have sex , whether I do or whether we are sitting arguing good natured over the fact if DP ever became prime minister of a country I would probably have to assassinate him. Seriously your worth is so much more. I'd rather jump off a cliff than be dependant on someone else's view if I'm attractive.

There are times where its twice a day , there are times we go a month without it (notably the last month of homeschooling in lockdown made me feel quite vitriolic if anyone touched me ...even the dog stayed at a safe distance ).

It doesn't have to go away for ever but it would be unlikely in a healthy adult busy responsible life that there aren't interruptions.

If you throw a hissy fit every time its going to be a problem.

It probably will diminish. But why be scared of this if the quality remains?

😂 nice pretend post just to make a shag brag.

Things do change a bit but it depends on why and whether one of you wants it more than the other. My husband and I are both quite tired and busy and we have a lot going on with elderly parents etc at the moment. So neither of us are in the mood very often but we both understand why and we know that at some point things will get less frenetic and we'll be back in the zone again. For me it feels like a plus that I am in a relationship that doesn't depend on a quota of sex and where we can understand that not wanting to have sex is not about the quality of our love for each other.

@Shinyletsbebadguys

If you are in a long term healthy relationship its more that it waxes and wanes I would argue. I would seriously be questioning why you link your attractiveness to frequency of sex.

I am amazing whether DP wants to have sex , whether I do or whether we are sitting arguing good natured over the fact if DP ever became prime minister of a country I would probably have to assassinate him. Seriously your worth is so much more. I'd rather jump off a cliff than be dependant on someone else's view if I'm attractive.

There are times where its twice a day , there are times we go a month without it (notably the last month of homeschooling in lockdown made me feel quite vitriolic if anyone touched me ...even the dog stayed at a safe distance ).

It doesn't have to go away for ever but it would be unlikely in a healthy adult busy responsible life that there aren't interruptions.

If you throw a hissy fit every time its going to be a problem.

This. In a marriage it will wax and wane. You might go a couple of months without at least once in your life. People get ill, low mood, depressed, busy, stressed, bla bla bla. I'd be concerned about linking your self-esteem to your partner's sex drive, when life sometimes just gets in the way. Trust me, you'll go through a period of time where you can think of nothing worse than to have sex, but that doesn't make your partner any less gorgeous! You'll be fine.

We are coming out of a drought period, mostly due to health issues and worries about the health issues but at no point did I not feel loved and attractive to my partner as we do not use sex as a barometer.

I actually found the OP quite rude and judgemental, implying that as I did not have sex at least twice a day then my partner obviously doesn’t find me attractive.

Yes this is a very silly thing to worry about. You have no control over how you or your partners sex drive will change in the future. There is no point worrying about things you have no control over.

The quality of the sex is better than the frequency and at 4 times a day I doubt the quality is all that. Unless you are laying waiting on a bed of cushions like some harem girl how the hell do you get anything done.
Work 8 hours a day, travel to and from work, cook, tidy up, food shop, watch a bit of tv or internet to unwind.