to say there has got to be more to life than this ?

[whattocallmyselfeh]

I'm married, 2 DC, financially secure, lovely house, several holidays a year (pre covid!), I work mon-fri. So why do I feel so unfulfilled, bored and lonely ?

Once everything is back to (the new) normal I can go where ever I want in the world for holidays (within reason). I have holidays with girl friends every year, me and my friends have lots of evenings out (when permitted under covid). Post covid we have SPA week-ends, eves out and holidays planned.

But ... nothing interests me anymore, nothing seems fun. I don't know why I feel like this. I sit here typing this in my big and clean, tidy house which I should be grateful for, but I couldn't give a toss about the house. I feel like I'm waiting for something, if that makes sense. But I don't know what I'm waiting for. Maybe this is the effect of lockdown and being stuck in the house. I really don't know.

You're not being unreasonable. I feel very similar. 2 dcs. Nice house. Decent income. Always looking for the next thing. Don't know what it is though. I live my life in the future... once the kids are older (currently 2yo and 7m) it'll be easier and I'll be happier. Once I lose weight I'll be happier. Once we have a bit more money I'll be happier etc. Don't think I'll ever actually be any happier though so just trying to get on with it. Bit depressing.

Try volunteering or working with people who are significantly disadvantaged in comparison to you. I work with people whose lives have dramatically changed due to illness/accident. It's an eye opener.

I have become far more grateful since doing this type of work. Some people have it incredibly tough. I have a pretty cushy life in comparison.

I felt like this once! I had what you had and have it all up and dropped out of the matrix and have been happy ever since.

I agree with voluntary work as an eye opener but also take time to figure out what's missing for you. Is your work unrewarding? Is there part of yourself you're ignoring for a quiet life?

I think very often women feel like this because the package you describe is seen as 'the goal' in life- nice family, house and job. Once it's accomplished new goals are needed.

I don’t understand why you feel you should be happy because you have a big, clean house and holidays planned, unless you are obsessively houseproud or the kind of person who lives from one holiday to the next.

What is it about your life that really interests you? If you imagine a fulfilling life, what would it look like, if you were completely honest with yourself?

@OnSilverStars - yes, yes, yes. This is totally it. Once I lose weight I will be happy. Once I get promotion and earn even more money I will be more happier. Once the finishing touches are done to the house I will be happy. Once the kids are older I will be happier. Once I have a wardrobe of new clothes I will be happier. The happiness is always future based .. but I'm still not happy even when/if the 'want' happens. I have my (within reason) dream house. We have a v good income between us. But it's never enough. Nothing is ever enough. I thought that moving to my dream house was the answer, but now I am in the house I'm still not happy and I've realised it's not the house, it never was. But I still don't know what it is.
@noego - can I ask what you gave up/dropped and how your life was and how it is now

@noego would you care to expand on that?

@whattocallmyselfeh How long have you felt like this? If you’re still feeling like this after lockdown, it’s always worth speaking to a doctor about. Depression isn’t all darkness and suicide, it’s the inability to feel enthusiasm, to find pleasure or joy in life too. If you feel “grey” it’s always worth reaching out to MH professionals

I am exactly the same as you OP. I have everything I have ever wanted. I have the life I worked for, everything I've ever done has been in pursuit of the goals I have now attained but for some reason I feel unfulfilled, sad, bored etc. I've been thinking about moving, another baby etc but I think what I really want is to feel inner peace and contentment and to stop striving.

So I am having some therapy to try and get a handle on it all.

You're on what is known as the hedonistic treadmill
@whattocallmyselfeh

You're satisfying your wants but you're not fulfilled! Why???

When Tom Good felt like this, he dug up his garden, got some pigs and lived a self-sufficient life.

Well, material things and security are clearly not enough to fulfil you. So, what purpose do you want to give to your life? What positive change do you want to make in the world?
Decide on something and work toward it.

@Neap - I guess what I'm saying is that I should feel grateful/appreciative for my easy going life - lovely house, secure job and worked throughout the pandemic from home on full pay and so did DH, financially secure, work (office and home) and school are all within a 5 min car commute of each other, I chose to only work school hours but my salary is as much as a full timer earns in other sectors. Lots of fabulous holidays. I have some element of being house proud, like I assume most people do, because who chooses to live in a dirty messy house. When we brought the house it was gutted and then re-designed by us to accommodate us and work for the space we needed.

But its still not enough - I am still chasing the happiness and the 'what next'. You asked what interests me in life - nothing.

I really don't know what a fulfilling life for me would look like :-(

Totally understand this feeling. Life is actually pretty mundane and boring.
My kids are a bit older but I'm not any happier.
I don't know the answer. I would like to hear more from @noego

Get this, i think for most of us life is mundane with the odd nice bits thrown in.

I only feel connected by spending time in nature. The rest of life feels pointless to me. I count down to my next proper break from the modern world. So it's been hard not bei g able to ditch the phones and stay off somewhere remote etc.

At least you're not bored and in a small messy house like I am!

At the risk of sounding like Jehovah's witness on the doorstep, are you looking for more meaning in your life op? Covid has shown us what is important.

Do you need to study? Family history, learn a new skill, learn for learning's sake?

Are you doing anything creative? If not, give something a go that you are interested in: poetry, short story writing or novel writing, painting, printing, needle craft, sculpture, gardening, baking, photography ...the list is too long ...but the choice of activities is huge. I promise you that once you get "hooked" in to a project which really consumes you, and allows you to "get in to the zone" you will feel better. Gardening is particularly fulfilling because you are outside, and you have seasons and harvests to look forward to.

Or if not that, how about helping others? There are loads of things you can still volunteer for under lockdown conditions: litter picking, food shopping for elderly, vaccination tent steward etc.

I wonder if you now you have everything you needed and have worked towards you feel like you are lacking purpose? Can you do an OU course, do some voluntary work via your local CVS, take up ballroom dancing or a music instrument?

Of course a house and holidays isn't enough in life. Do you think people without those things can't be happy? Feeling happy and fulfilled is usually down to more important things.

You haven't said anything about your family. Are you happy with DH? Does he keep you laughing, do you share common interests? How are things with your DC?

What do you like to do other than go out and go on holiday? Do you like to read or exercise or do any hobby?

Person climbing to the tip of the hill is more motivated then the person sitting at the top. New challenge? Career, volunteer somewhere, health goals

Having read your update you need to work out if it's a depression thing (classic depression is often an absence of feeing anything; you don't need to feel sad to have it). Or if it is a "needing more meat in your sandwich" thing and act accordingly , or maybe a bit of both, good luck .

It’s because you’re involved in a lifestyle where everything is never enough. Before you dismiss that comment think about it.

The world is your oyster and yet you’re bored of it. That’s quite profound.

I see it everyday and it’s very unhealthy. The suggestion from others about volunteering is a good one, it makes you appreciate what you have even though you probably ‘think’ you appreciate it now.

You’re Trying to fill a void with something that makes the void bigger.

but I think what I really want is to feel inner peace and contentment and to stop striving

So stop striving! Inner peace and contentment is not to be found in "things" The clue here is "inner". Go there, enquire! The answer is within.

Stop the treadmill and get off. You believe that happiness is to be found outside of your self.. Whoever taught you that was WRONG!!

You have fell into the established pattern created by society that happiness is possession of things, achievements and people. This established pattern has been indoctrinated in humans (especially in a capitalist society) from a young age. It feeds the matrix. It is not TRUE. it establishes thoughts in your subconscious that this is what life is all about and so like sheep they follow until one day the question arises. "there is more to life than this?" There is!! Undo the programming and conditioning. Find out, discover enquire, question. It is SELF enquiry. It is a path a journey. It is painful at times because you discover the lies! But slowly it is undone and you discover your True Self the higher consciousness that is within all of us.
Are there teacher and guides that can help? Yes there are.
The Buddha
Mooji
Adyashanti
Krishnamurti
Nisargadatta Maharaj
Osho
Rumi
Ram Dass
Thich Nhat Hanh
Lao Tzu

Definitely worth thinking about volunteering or studying. What interests you ?

If it helps, I think that this is a common stage of life. You're past the stage of building a home, a family, a career etc. You are now looking for self-actualisation and purpose.

I have spent a couple of years working through this myself and found ways to address my happiness/unhappiness.