What is your partners issue that you choose to accept and deal with?

[chuckb4ss]

Esther Perel says 'there is no such thing as the one and that every couple has issues. The question is which issue do you want to deal with? You pick this person you will deal with these issues, you pick that person you will deal with other issues'. So what are your partners issues that you choose to accept and deal with?

My husband farts
Doesn’t pick up his pants
Loses is wallet/ lets/ earbuds on a daily basis

He’s very very funny, kind, energetic, clever, handsome, athletic and a great cook so I easily loo over the above .

I do not bring nearly as much to the table!

His untidiness and scatterbrainedness. His snoring. He can be maddeningly lazy. But on the whole he’s kind and thoughtful and funny so the other things are manageable.

@StormcloakNord

His snoring.

I mean it really is awful. Imagine an overweight walrus died, was reanimated, then swallowed a harmonica & caught covid. Times that by around 5 and you have the noise my husband makes in his sleep.

That's the one my DH accepts about me!

Otherwise it's widely differing political views but we both respect each other's opinions.

@HeartsAndClubs

He’s a Christian.

Ah. Been saved.

How you doing?

@Iamthewombat

Yeah I can deal with spoon fuss.

We use old fashioned fruit spoons here. Smaller than a dessert spoon but a bit bigger than a teaspoon. Don't think you can get them anymore.

The way he eats poppadoms. He ladens them with his curry and dips and then just seems to attack them. Hard to describe, but the noise sets my teeth on edge!

Oh. And he snores.
And if you say anything remotely critical of him he goes on the offensive.

Decisions require a lengthy conversation, and then a lengthy rumination, rinse and repeat 487 times until he comes to the conclusion that he came to when he first decided that he needed new headphones/wants new running trainers/might try a new shower gel flavour! I love him to bits and think he's amazing ... but Christ alive do I wish he could pick out a new soap in less than a week!

Mine is a Christian too.
(His name).

He over reacts when something minor goes slightly wrong for him. Say if his phone or the remote control glitches, he'll throw a brief tantrum.

Very annoying and childish. And he knows it annoys me.

When he makes food he leaves the cupboard doors open and the butter out so the contents of the cupboards are on show..weird!

@WishingHopingThinkingPraying

I prefer eating pudding with a teaspoon. I think the reason is I want small bites to enjoy it rather than mouthfuls. No desert really lends itself to a big spoon!

Me too! I’m team teaspoon

Like @ShopTattsyrup my dh takes months to decide on buying things, and I get hours and hours and hours of wittering about the relative merits of headphones, cycling shoes, or cars. Its great that he really thinks it through, but I don't need to hear about it!

Mine eats fruit late evening, when I’m trying to relax.
10pm. Watching tv. In he comes, sits down, crunches apples, slurps oranges, slobbers over melons and pineapples.
I’ve banished him to the kitchen but still hear him.

He suffers from anxiety which often means when we go to bed we then can't have sex/fall asleep, we have to Talk instead. At length. TBH I accept and deal with it because I know it's far worse for him than me.

Also, he likes to start cooking (at dinner time) something that takes two or three HOURS to cook. I am gradually training him out of this.

He gets very passionate about issues happening to society but all he's done so far is debate with people on Twitter about it. I adore his passion but him getting worked up late at night was difficult. Now I just put my hand up so he knows we will discuss tomorrow. I have learned a lot from him in the process too though.

He's one of those 'kill them with kindness' people. It's not a bad thing in everyday life, as he is very kind, but in situations where he needs to be a bit assertive, he can't do it.

We had a situation a few weeks ago where we were being messed around left, right and centre regarding a refund. DP was all "Yeah don't worry mate - it's fine!!" it bloody wasn't fine. We only received the refund after I sent a very angry email.

He's quite emotionally immature and can be simplistic in his thinking.

Fussy eating

A chronic health problem and the worry that I will one day be his carer.

@HeartsAndClubs

He’s a Christian.

You have my heartfelt sympathy.

DP has several issues from his upbringing that was admittedly fairly horrendous. They range from a pathological hatred of very very specific cleanliness issues (walking on a carpet without socks for example) to not understanding fuss about celebrations because he hadn't experienced them. The fairly normal concept of a child's birthday party nearly blew his mind (and terrified him the first time we attended but I count that as normal on the grounds that a soft play full of 3 year olds should be terrifying or theres something odd about you).

I wouldn't say I put up with them but I meet him half way. He very much works on them to balance it and I accept that they will never fully go away. I know the stories from his childhood and I get it.

To be fair he also accepts my total anathema to suburban chocolate box housing estates as growing up on one with the emotional abuse and stepped wife expectations has affected me.

I do believe in a healthy relationship to a point you accept each others issues and work with them.

Cannot handle even a small amount of complaining about mental health, or if someone acts in an “off” way or show signs of a mental breakdown he just dismisses it. He doesn’t like talking about emotions and will actively avoid it or get annoyed that he’s having to deal with such issues (even if it’s someone else’s problems). After 7 years of being together and understanding the family dynamic more (they are all lovely just they’re been obvious childhood and adult issues), I can understand why..but it’s like he’s the tin man or something..

On the other hand: he’s generous, extremely hardworking, absolutely hilarious, very smart and I can talk to him about anything (aside from other peoples problems!) he is an amazing dad and a wonderful partner! He is also my cheerleader and supports me in all I want to do and be! I think my list of negatives would be longer

Severe mental illness. That or the fact he hates writing cards (which I love and it took me a while to not feel completely rejected by it haha).

On the other hand, he's unbelievably intelligent and funny, we have almost identical political/life viewpoints, he looks after me in a way I have never experienced before, he can make me laugh even on the very worst days, he's incredibly understanding and empathetic, we never run out of things to say to one another and I am still excited to get home to him from Tesco years down the line. It makes the hard times easier to bear, knowing he's my best pal - it hasn't always been plain sailing but having a very strong underlying foundation means that when he's not able to give an equal share to our relationship because he's ill, that I am more than happy to step up. And he does the same for me, which is why it works.