If anyone on here has been involved with someone in addiction recovery

[Starsstillshinex]

I would like to see if some of the behaviours I've experienced with a man only 10 months sober are typical of recovering addicts or just the way he is.

Gave up alcohol ten months ago after a suicide attempt.

Met me 5 months ago.

Moods are up and down up an down. Some weeks he's obsessed with me sexually. Then the next he's down. Quiet. Wont give much away but gets really angry if you offer space.

Selfish behaviour. He can be mardy. Rude. Blunt. Cheeky. Happy. Sad. Funny. Positive etc. But if I dare to have a low day or question anything about his commitment he flies off the handle and I get blocked. Dumped etc.

Not eating properly and underweight.

Seems to have broken relationships around him with everyone. his dad. His ex's. His brother. His daughter. His ex wife. He has alot of stories about sex and he's always the innocent man that some women has come onto. Always got a women bothering him.

Putting me down in small ways. Whys your hair that long? Why don't you work. I think when mums stay home with toddlers they have nothing to talk about....

He calls me an overthinker if I ask him about the future as I have children. It's like he doesn't understand how big a responsibility kids are. Sometimes he talks with excitement about taking them places etc.

Seems to blame everyone else for everything but loves his deceased mum. He is carrying massive amounts of grief over her still. He claims she brought him up properly and to treat women properly. Sadly he does the opposite of this and seems to treat women like things he can discard when he's not interested.

He got rid of me last Tuesday after a small question. He text me back when I asked yesterday if he was ok. Then proceeded to say he didn't mind if I occasionally text as he isn't evil. Followed by the fact he doesn't miss me at all! So I blocked him and I've walked away. I wrote on here yesterday but got no replies.

Would love to speak with other people affected by addiction.thanks.

What is it in you that allows this despicable man take up free rent in your head?

Please find a good therapist to help you unravel this. Your future self will thank you.

I was sucked in because I didn't see it in the first couple of months. He made himself sound solid and strong. He's working full time etc. So I had no reason to worry. Then around Christmas I started to realise he couldn't handle emotions and was very selfish. Yes it's taken me about 6 weeks of noticing red flags but I have got myself out of it pretty fast.

I can't explain to you why I wasted time on him. Many women get pulled into abusive or unhealthy relationships.

I appreciate that I sound like I need therapy and have no self esteem. But my relationship with my childrens dad was healthy and we are very close friends still. We just grew apart over the ten years we were together.

I'm trying to untangle everything which is why I came on here as there are bound to be people on here that get it. I need to waste this energy I'm wasting on here to make myself understand what's just happened to me. I've done my research and I am feeling more and more stronger since yesterday morning. I'm seeing it for what it is and I think now I understand. I think he's what they call a dry drunk. He's not dealt with any of the issues around why he got onto the drink. He's angry. Cant express emotions in healthy ways and he's pushed away alot of people he had in his life a few years ago. So it all adds up. I'm not the first and won't be the last person he will mess with. He needs to get himself sorted.

I am done with him and I can feel myself becoming me again. I am concentrating on my life again and it's a relief.

Thanks again for all replies.

Sounds like you have the measure of him now and that he likely love bombed you in the early days but his mask slipped. Glad to hear that there’s no pattern of getting tangled up with such characters - you just had a bad encounter but you are putting it behind you. Good luck.

Yes I have made alot of sense over it all the last couple of days. I'm alot younger than him and I have plenty of years left. I won't be his victim. Thank you.

I reckon you will have learned a lot from this experience and won't fall into the same trap again. It's hard, being a 'fixer' - it's so easy to be exploited by people who won't help themselves (been there, done that).

Yes I am a generous kind person and I am always willing to help those in need. that said I am big on respect and expect loyalty in return. I don't judge anyone on their past and try and take them as they are in the present. Which is why I gave him my time. He was rebuilding his life and people rebuilding deserve chances. Meeting new people should be apart of their fresh start and new way of life. But sadly in his case he wasn't being true to himself or me. He needs proffesional help because he's still full of attitude and selfish. Only he can sort that side of things though and I can't see him doing so.

Definitely learnt a few things.