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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I the worst mother ever or is it normal to get like this?

43 replies

BreakdownNextRight · 16/03/2021 10:45

2 month old baby has been really really difficult the past few days. I think I've had about 8hrs sleep over the course of 3 days and this morning I just lost it. I felt like I wanted to scream at him so I came downstairs and screamed and shouted and swore in the kitchen instead.

I feel like telling DH to get his arse home now and help me because I just can't do it.

I also walked past DSCs room which is a fucking tip and I have asked for it to be tidied about 7000. It's starting to bloody smell it's that bad. So I went in and threw all the rubbish over their bed too.

I am so tired and frankly, fucking mad.

Obviously to clarify I would never ever EVER do anything to hurt my baby. He's my world. But I just felt so mad at him this morning that I feel fucking horrible for it.

OP posts:

daisyoranges · 16/03/2021 10:48

I think feelings of anger are normal which a lot of the time are really feelings of frustration. I felt frustrated with my baby yesterday as he was clearly exhausted but wouldn’t nap - it can be infuriating.

You 100% did the right thing in removing yourself from the situation. It’s hard having a lockdown baby. I think you did really well. Not sure about the rubbish thing though - what happened?

Original poster

BreakdownNextRight · 16/03/2021 10:50

@daisyoranges

You 100% did the right thing in removing yourself from the situation. It’s hard having a lockdown baby. I think you did really well. Not sure about the rubbish thing though - what happened?

Sorry to clarify, DSC isn't here so they weren't in their room. When I say rubbish I mean like wrappers and things that have been all over the floor for ages and which they have been asked repeatedly to clear up. So now they are in their bed so they'll have to clear them up. I don't mean rubbish like from a bin. Just crap that's been all over their floor for ages.

OP posts:

B33Fr33 · 16/03/2021 10:56

I think you dealt with your frustration over your baby well.

Put some bin bags in the step child's room and set a timer going (I'm not clear if they're around now, but when they are).

Original poster

BreakdownNextRight · 16/03/2021 11:10

@B33Fr33

I think you dealt with your frustration over your baby well. Put some bin bags in the step child's room and set a timer going (I'm not clear if they're around now, but when they are).

They aren't here now, they are at school but live with us full time so will be afterwards.

I know it makes me sound like a witch but I'm essentially their mother (they don't see her) and I love them like my own but we're getting into the teen years now and I'm sick of them ignoring things they are asked to do.

OP posts:

snowdropsandcrocuses · 16/03/2021 11:16

My mum warned me when I was pregnant of the 'pick a window' mood. Essentially we all have moments where we just almost lose it and feel like saying 'pick a window' to be thrown out of. Naturally this was a joke but the sentiment is real. I remember standing in the nursery in the middle of the night. My pfb has been fed, changed, cuddled, patted, picked up, put down. I just couldn't get her to settle. Every time I got her to sleep she would wake as soon as I put her down. I was utterly exhausted. I put her in the cot and remember saying 'I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!' Lovely DH slides into the room, takes me by the shoulders and guides me out the room to bed and took over. I was just so absolutely exhausted. PFB is now 14 and a very happy healthy teenager with no idea just how tough those first years can be. You're doing amazing and it's all perfectly normal. Walking away was exactly the right thing to do. I also suggest napping on the sofa as soon as baby is sleeping. Forget the housework. Just get some rest.

RedMarauder · 16/03/2021 11:19

I feel like telling DH to get his arse home now and help me because I just can't do it.

I would actually do this - seriously you need sleep. Even 4 hours unbroken would help you a lot.

SilverRoe · 16/03/2021 11:19

I think i’m you dealt ok, sometimes parenting a young baby is like being tortured by something you love beyond life - it’s a pretty big headfuck.

LenaBlack · 16/03/2021 11:20

I remember being insanely angry at my DH, ready to divorce him angry. Our son was tiny and not sleeping and like you I was managing maybe 8hrs over 3 nights...when one morning DH said he was tired after a full night (22-6) sleep I actually hated him for a moment..

Having a non sleeping baby is absolute shit and can make you feel all sorts..
Your DH needs to let you catch up on some sleep - even over the weekend if he is working and you are on maternity.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 16/03/2021 11:26

There's posters all over our hospital saying that if you have tried everything & there's no medical issues and baby is still screaming then its fine to put them down safely and remove yourself from the situation to calm down.

Open a window, deep breaths, fresh air.

As for the messy room, can you unite with DH to withhold privileges or pocket money until it gets sorted?

Hope today gets better for you OP

PRsecrets · 16/03/2021 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chooseausernamenow · 16/03/2021 11:37

@PRsecrets you’ve summed it up perfectly.

The best advice we were given was to go to bed when our baby went to bed at 7pm. We would then get two hours sleep before he woke for a feed. Alternating who does feeds in the night is what saw us through. My husband was working full time but still got up in the night to do feeds.

PO the only way to get through is to sleep when your baby sleeps. Forget the housework to a degree, the kids can do their own rooms. This moment in time will pass. 💐

harknesswitch · 16/03/2021 11:46

God I remember these times... I recall hearing a ringing and buzzing sound in my ears I was so tired.

I actually took my baby out in the car, as soon as she went to sleep, I pulled over, grabbed my blanket and went to sleep in the car.

It will pass op, but I'd strongly suggest you give your dp the baby when he gets home and tell him he's on duty this afternoon and all evening. Then take yourself off to bed

LittleOwl153 · 16/03/2021 12:13

I remember my SIL putting 8(ish) wk old niece in her cot, no covers, bumpers, loose clothes etc in her bedroom and going and sitting at the end of the garden for 20minutes ... little monkey screamed for about 15 mins then crashed out for several hours. They both got a good sleep catch up!

If you ff or are able to express I'd also go with going to bed yourself after a 7/8pm feed leaving baby with dh with a bottle for the 11pm feed which her can sort then settle baby for bed. He needs not to disturb you till 1am ish then you will catch up some sleep. If he can do this 1-2 nights a week that will help massively. Did this with both of mine.

The preteen dsc? Yeah don't worry about dumping their rubbish. Make this one DHs project too. That room needs to be strip cleaned over the weekend by the two of them!

Pleaseaddcaffine · 16/03/2021 12:21

Oh op I feel your pain. Ds at 6mths or so woke up every 40min for 3 nights in a row on the last night I cried hysterically for an hour. Had to call my mom to remove him from me until I calmed down as dp was less than useless.
Anyone who has said they don't understand, hasn't had a non sleeper.
You did amazing walking away... Keep doing that. It will end eventually. Ds is 2.5 and sleeps through now... Its sooo nice

Lozzalou9191 · 16/03/2021 12:33

2 year old waking at 5am for the last week. I feel your pain! Lost my temper yesterday in the kitchen, feel so guilty. DH beyond useless. But it WILL pass

GhostCurry · 16/03/2021 12:39

Sleep deprivation turns me into an absolute monster. Make sleep your priority, OP. Good luck x

pandarific · 16/03/2021 12:48

This is just the sleep deprivation. It really is, and it’s really awful.

Definitely speak to DH tonight and ask loudly and clearly for him to take a day off - unpaid parental leave if needs be. You need to sleep. You will feel better when you sleep.

MatildaTheCat · 16/03/2021 12:49

You know that sleep deprivation and playing loud noise are actual forms of torture? You did exactly the right thing. Shut the door on the messy rooms and do whatever you have to to get through the day.

I’d also message your DH and warn he is taking over the minute he gets home because you are at breaking point.

If you possibly can get out for a walk and try to sit quietly with a coffee, meet a friend or just have a cry. Fresh air does help.

Ofallthethings · 16/03/2021 12:52

Definitely not the worst mother ever, you're a good mother , you walked away and screamed shouted which was the best thing to do. The early days really are tough. Get DH to help you catch up with sleep/sort DSS room as other people have suggested. Can you shut the door on the mess in the meantime.

MummytoArthur · 16/03/2021 12:57

Sleep deprivation is truly awful. I have an 8 month old who is (only just) starting to sleep well now but the first 5 months made me feel like a zombie. It WILL get better, you have to make that your mantra

RoseLimeade · 16/03/2021 13:05

Not a bad mum. Actually an amazing mum, because despite being exhausted to the point of absolute insanity you still put your baby down in a safe space, walked away and dealt with your emotions the best you could. Bloody well done!

I think we’ve all been there. DS didn’t sleep longer than a couple of hours at a time for six months, and even though DH did just as much care as I did even when I had chance to sleep I still couldn’t due to a really punishing triple feeding routine (low supply). So I was honestly at breaking point for months on end. It was so bad we don’t ever want more children as we can’t go through a newborn again. Just no.

Worst I ever got I put him down in his cot then went downstairs and punched the floor so hard I hurt my hand. It woke DH up who went and took over while I got an hour’s sleep. I’m the least violent person ever, love my son more than the whole world, but everyone has a limit and sleep deprivation is absolute torture.

You’re doing really well, these days are so hard, they don’t last forever, not that that helps you right now. Once we hit six months we sleep trained using ferber method and it changed all of our lives for the better. But that first six months was just unbearable most of the time.

welshladywhois40 · 16/03/2021 13:08

You did the right thing (ie screaming in a different room). The one piece of advice my mum gave me was when you feel you are going to lose your temper because your children will test you. Make sure they are safe and leave the room.

We have all been there. For me I remember when my baby wouldn't lie still for a poo nappy change. It went everywhere. Once he was clean and in a nappy (no clothes as they were all filthy) I left the room for a time out.

I took a picture on my return as his face is so happy. I remember it as the time I nearly lost my temper but he has happy and oblivious.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/03/2021 13:10

The second DH gets in the door today - "here's the baby, DSC is in the living room. I'm exhausted so I'm going to bed. See you all in the morning"

If baby if BF add "wake me when they need a feed"

AegonT · 16/03/2021 13:11

I was very upset and angry about the sleep deprivation in the early weeks. I definitely shouted! You did the right thing walking away and letting your anger out away from the baby. You are not a bad mother and this stage will pass.

hardboiledeggs · 16/03/2021 13:14

Totally normal, it's one of those things though that no one remembers to tell you about. It will pass, just try to remember that.

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