Page 2 | Am I the worst mother ever or is it normal to get like this?

SpnBaby1967 · 16/03/2021 13:18

Totally normal. I remember my husband went to visit his parents, they live around 400 miles away. I had 2 toddlers and was pretty heavily pregnant.

My 2 kids had just been at each other for 2 days, I was totally losing it. Sat in the kitchen, on the floor and just sobbed. Ended with me calling DH and telling him to get home NOW!

Fair dues to DH he did and sat consoling me at 2am when he arrived home.

I also lost it this morning, my 8 year old daughter pissed her brand new mattress overnight. It was BAD!! I totally lost it, screamed, swore and didnt act great. I've been dealing with girls wetting themselves since my now 12 year old started doing it and sometimes I can handle it with grace and dignity and sometimes I just fucking lose my shit. I am only human after all, as are you

Insidelaurashead · 16/03/2021 13:26

A mum who knew she was struggling, put baby down safely and went and let her feelings out in a room alone without causing any damage is not a bad mum, OP. It's a bloody brilliant one

RoseLimeade · 16/03/2021 13:28

please get some support and help from your GP regarding the bed wetting and how to cope with it, it’s totally normal to lose control of your emotions at times but screaming and swearing at a child for something they can’t help like bed wetting is really cruel and upsetting and almost guaranteed to make the problem a lot worse.

Everyone loses their rag sometimes but I really really encourage you to reach out for some support, you deserve it and so do your girls

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 16/03/2021 13:28

@BreakdownNextRight

2 month old baby has been really really difficult the past few days. I think I've had about 8hrs sleep over the course of 3 days and this morning I just lost it. I felt like I wanted to scream at him so I came downstairs and screamed and shouted and swore in the kitchen instead.

I feel like telling DH to get his arse home now and help me because I just can't do it.

I also walked past DSCs room which is a fucking tip and I have asked for it to be tidied about 7000. It's starting to bloody smell it's that bad. So I went in and threw all the rubbish over their bed too.

I am so tired and frankly, fucking mad.

Obviously to clarify I would never ever EVER do anything to hurt my baby. He's my world. But I just felt so mad at him this morning that I feel fucking horrible for it.

This is all so totally normal. I remember, more than once, placing my screaming DD safely in her cot, taking myself to the kitchen, closing the door and putting the radio on loud. Sometimes you just need to take yourself out of the situation for 10 minutes, calm down and have a few minutes to yourself. 💐

DD is now a messy teenager who doesn't tidy her room when asked, so I empathise on that score too! 🙄

katnyps · 16/03/2021 13:44

@SilverRoe
"sometimes parenting a young baby is like being tortured by something you love beyond life - it’s a pretty big headfuck."

Best thing I've read on Mumsnet it ages!! So true

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 16/03/2021 16:59

@SpnBaby1967

Totally normal. I remember my husband went to visit his parents, they live around 400 miles away. I had 2 toddlers and was pretty heavily pregnant.

My 2 kids had just been at each other for 2 days, I was totally losing it. Sat in the kitchen, on the floor and just sobbed. Ended with me calling DH and telling him to get home NOW!

Fair dues to DH he did and sat consoling me at 2am when he arrived home.

I also lost it this morning, my 8 year old daughter pissed her brand new mattress overnight. It was BAD!! I totally lost it, screamed, swore and didnt act great. I've been dealing with girls wetting themselves since my now 12 year old started doing it and sometimes I can handle it with grace and dignity and sometimes I just fucking lose my shit. I am only human after all, as are you

Screamed and swore AT your 8 year old? For wetting the bed? That's completely out of order and nothing like the OP's situation. Your poor daughter

RoseLimeade · 16/03/2021 18:10

@SpnBaby1967 my reply to you above didn’t tag you. So I’m tagging you now hoping you see it, and @InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream reply too.

SpnBaby1967 · 16/03/2021 18:18

Sorry, I should have remembered MN is full of perfect parents who never lose their shit over stuff they later regret. I consider myself suitably chastised, thank you perfect MN parents for teaching me the error of my ways

Jeez

SpnBaby1967 · 16/03/2021 18:24

Also, please point out where I said I swore at her!

Actually I was swearing and losing my shit whilst armed with the carpet cleaner at 7.15am this morning trying to clean the damn mattress whilst the kids ate breakfast downstairs.

I had to get help for my now 12 year old so I'm no novice and know they cant help it, doesnt mean I cant have a rant with myself when it happens because unless you've lived it you have no idea how bloody stressful it is.

That's not to say I didnt regret it afterwards because I did (and apologised to my neighbours for the noisy carpet cleaner at that time) but shit happens. However my kids went off to school happy, whilst I continued to swear at the bloody mattress that wouldnt dry

daisyoranges · 16/03/2021 19:46

To be fair I thought you swore at her as well.

PRsecrets · 16/03/2021 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScruffGin · 16/03/2021 20:59

Leaving your baby somewhere safe whilst you regroup for ten minutes is completely normal, and safe. I think we've all done it!
I also suggest doing whatever feed of after your husband gets home, then leaving the baby with him until as late as possible (depends on feeding method), you'll feel more human if you can manage some decent sleep. I hope you feel better soon

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 16/03/2021 21:18

@SpnBaby1967

Also, please point out where I said I swore at her!

Actually I was swearing and losing my shit whilst armed with the carpet cleaner at 7.15am this morning trying to clean the damn mattress whilst the kids ate breakfast downstairs.

I had to get help for my now 12 year old so I'm no novice and know they cant help it, doesnt mean I cant have a rant with myself when it happens because unless you've lived it you have no idea how bloody stressful it is.

That's not to say I didnt regret it afterwards because I did (and apologised to my neighbours for the noisy carpet cleaner at that time) but shit happens. However my kids went off to school happy, whilst I continued to swear at the bloody mattress that wouldnt dry

You didn't make it all clear whether you were angry in front of your daughter or not.

RoseLimeade · 17/03/2021 08:28

@SpnBaby1967

Sorry, I should have remembered MN is full of perfect parents who never lose their shit over stuff they later regret. I consider myself suitably chastised, thank you perfect MN parents for teaching me the error of my ways

Jeez

I had a feeling you would reply like this but didn’t feel comfortable letting it go without comment either. I really hope things get better for all of you.

BeautifulandWilfulandDead · 17/03/2021 08:35

I spent many many walking the house in the middle of the night with DD in a sling. She wasn't asleep, I wasn't asleep, but she wasn't crying so it was just about bearable.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 17/03/2021 08:47

God OP I feel for you, I remember those days they were horrendous. You did really well. Don't sweat it - you've got 18 years of 'did I do the right thing?' to look forward to, you will soon realise that no one is perfect and we are all just trying our best to muddle through. And it gets better, I promise.

Borntohula · 17/03/2021 08:52

I feel for you OP but I don't think posters should be encouraging you to tell your DH to 'get his arse home and help.' Presumably he's working, right? Lots of us have to cope alone during the days, get him to help when he gets home.

RoseLimeade · 17/03/2021 09:00

@Borntohula

I feel for you OP but I don't think posters should be encouraging you to tell your DH to 'get his arse home and help.' Presumably he's working, right? Lots of us have to cope alone during the days, get him to help when he gets home.

Yeah, I think that’s unrealistic 99% of the time.

I found when I was really struggling and talked about it people seemed to assume my DH must not have been ‘helping’... he was parenting 50/50 and doing an amazing job, taking extra on whenever he could so I could rest more. But a baby who barely slept and a punishing triple feeding schedule took everything we had from both of us, it’s hard to believe looking back now how he could max our capacity to cope but he really did. Sometimes even when you’re parenting equally it’s still bloody hard. And practically you do also have to prioritise the person’s job that’s bringing money into the household.