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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DDs teacher and school shoes

66 replies

rabbitheadlights · 16/03/2021 09:14

I will start by saying I love DCs primary school and have a great relationship with them.

However this morning has been a total frikkin nightmare!!!

DD4 had the most monumental tantrum, because her teacher Mrs A said "you shouldn't be wearing those shoes they are too big for you!"

Now DD is actually between sizes 1 foot an 8 and the other just over so I had to buy the bigger size, but AIBU to think teacher should speak to me directly and not through DD?

This morning has been hellish all because Mrs A couldn't keep her beak out!

OP posts:
MindyStClaire · 16/03/2021 09:35

If they were playing shoe shop, could she have been wearing someone else's shoes at the time?!

treeeeemendous · 16/03/2021 09:36

Ah that's changes everything! I guarantee that the teacher was joining in the role play in some way. Maybe your daughter had someone else shoes etc.

AaronPurr · 16/03/2021 09:37

@MindyStClaire

If they were playing shoe shop, could she have been wearing someone else's shoes at the time?!
I was just thinking the same thing. If your DD shoes fit fine and cause no issues then wearing a different child's shoes, which were noticably too big would mean the teacher's comment makes much more sense. It also provides a reason why the teacher hasn't spoken to you, because there's no problem with your DD's shoes.
Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 16/03/2021 09:39

@NormanStangerson must be, let me assure you getting 4DC aged 5,4,2 and 1 up, washed, fed, dressed, lunches made, pig tails done (with the right bobbles not the blue ones cos we don't like them today, but they were the favourite yesterday) school bags and coats on can be hellish even on a good day!!

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 16/03/2021 09:41

From what I understand the children were playing shoe shop yesterday and this is how it came about
I wonder if your DC had their shoes on, or someone else's.

Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 16/03/2021 09:42

I did ask if teacher had said the shoes at the shoe shop were too big but DD was adamant that no HER own shoes were too big.

OP posts:
DavidsSchitt · 16/03/2021 09:44

The shoe shop drip feed changes things somewhat.

Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 16/03/2021 09:46

Wasn't an intentional drip feed, and I asked DD if it had been part of the game, and she was adamant not!

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 16/03/2021 09:52

This is the sort of situation where a reasonable conversation with the teacher will probably solve any confusion.

I don't think you meant to drip feed, but it does make a difference. As you say, 4year olds can take teacher's word as gospel, but they can also (through no malice and no deliberate attempt to mislead) be inaccurate reporters of events.

As a teacher, I'd much rather a parent gave me a call if they think I've inadvertently upset their child, or they have some questions about something their child has said. I can then clarify anything needed and resolve it.

1forAll74 · 16/03/2021 10:26

Does this teacher teach anything,or just spend the day checking shoes and lunch boxes, and perhaps checking badly brushed hair etc etc.

SoupDragon · 16/03/2021 10:29

TBH, there is a very good chance this was just a passing comment and the 4 year old has taken it to mean something else.

Marzipan12 · 16/03/2021 10:31

A small child completely misunderstood a teachers comment during a play session involving shoes. Move on.

ChancesWhatChances · 16/03/2021 10:52

Hmm maybe you should teach your daughter not to have monumental tantrums? Unless there’s a drip feed coming about ASD, that sounds like a parenting issue and not a teacher issue.

NormanStangerson · 16/03/2021 10:55

[quote rabbitheadlights]@NormanStangerson must be, let me assure you getting 4DC aged 5,4,2 and 1 up, washed, fed, dressed, lunches made, pig tails done (with the right bobbles not the blue ones cos we don't like them today, but they were the favourite yesterday) school bags and coats on can be hellish even on a good day!![/quote]
Well, to be fair, you only mentioned the shoes.

PurpleFlower1983 · 16/03/2021 10:58

I would put money on this being a misunderstanding based on the shoe shop role play.

ElizaDelphine · 16/03/2021 11:08

Yes if they were playing shoe shops maybe the teacher was joining in. Mentioning sizing as happens in a shoe shop.

Princessbanana · 16/03/2021 11:32

I would ask the teacher at pick up about what happened. Just say your DD didn’t want to wear her shoes again today because she said you told her they looked to big for her and see what she has to say!🤷‍♀️ And as for it being a parenting problem/issue, that’s not very nice or true. I have an 8 year old DD and she follows her teachers instructions to the letter, if this had happened her, she would have been upset and not wanted to wear the shoes either. I also have a 10 year old DS and he would have worn the shoes again just to annoy the teacher! Noting to do with parenting, it’s simply the personality of the child!

SoupDragon · 16/03/2021 13:13

@ChancesWhatChances

Hmm maybe you should teach your daughter not to have monumental tantrums? Unless there’s a drip feed coming about ASD, that sounds like a parenting issue and not a teacher issue.
😂😂😂😂😂
Knitterbabe · 16/03/2021 13:21

I think a word with the teacher might sort it out, in light of the shoe shop role play! Four year old might find it hard to appreciate that teacher was role playing too convincingly.

Soontobe60 · 16/03/2021 13:25

@rabbitheadlights

Because DD refused to put them on, cue crying tantrums and misery while trying to get 4DC ready!

It's definately not an issue at all I have measured DDs feet again this morning to be sure!

Are you sure this isn’t just another one of those ‘everyone else has the latest iPhone’ comments children say to guilt trip their parent into buying them something? Was your DD happy to wear these shoes before the comment? Has another child made fun of her wearing them? Are they just TOO big?
MargaretThursday · 16/03/2021 13:41

Ah! This takes me back to when I made the mistake of reading "Topsy and Tim have new shoes" or something similar.
Topsy doesn't like the shoes she has so she complains her toes are rubbing. That gave dd2 great ideas and she regularly complained about "toes rubbing" when she wanted new shoes. It was not helpful.

Easterbunnygettingready · 16/03/2021 13:55

I have also had a school shoe and teacher incident op.
Last night ds's sole fell off!! Got changed then he went out on his bike and had an accident.. A policeman brought him home. Cut hand, gave him first aid... Forgot about shoes.
6 am today did the required 3 x covid tests and uploaded results (3 x dc at secondary school).. Forgot to write about shoes in ds's planner..
Rang school to mention it. No answer..
They rang me. Ds in isolation due to wearing black trainers...school stock shoes but not his size (small feet)..
Told them hardly fair when his shoes are broken and shoe shops are shut.. Teacher suggested a supermarket pair.... Sorry job I will be late..an hour later...
none of our 3 supermarkets had any. Rang school..
Apparently I should buy black trainers...
As he is wearing I said??
Dh rang the trust 'Hotline'.. Apparently school stock new shoes. Or need to accept black trainers short term.
Went to take ds home. Isolation until shoes shops open is ridiculous...
Turn up and show them his old shoes... They find ds sporting too big shoes and looking upset-they found some a size too big ... All good in their eyes..
Never mind being late for work and sticking ds in a room for wearing black trainers all along..
Bonkers...

Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 16/03/2021 15:46

Update, DP asked teacher at pick-up, teacher explained that yes they were playing shoe shop and that when DD put her shoes back on she had complained that they "feel funny" and quote "just put DDs foot against the bottom of the shoe flat/flat and they look awfully big! "

Transpires Mrs A had put the smaller to foot against the base of the shoe, so I suppose they would look quite big, anyway it's all sorted now. I'm not particularly annoyed I just would rather not have had the drama at the crack of dawn.

OP posts:
Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 16/03/2021 15:47

What @Easterbunnygettingready isolation? For shoes?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 16/03/2021 15:49

@Easterbunnygettingready

I have also had a school shoe and teacher incident op. Last night ds's sole fell off!! Got changed then he went out on his bike and had an accident.. A policeman brought him home. Cut hand, gave him first aid... Forgot about shoes. 6 am today did the required 3 x covid tests and uploaded results (3 x dc at secondary school).. Forgot to write about shoes in ds's planner.. Rang school to mention it. No answer.. They rang me. Ds in isolation due to wearing black trainers...school stock shoes but not his size (small feet).. Told them hardly fair when his shoes are broken and shoe shops are shut.. Teacher suggested a supermarket pair.... Sorry job I will be late..an hour later... none of our 3 supermarkets had any. Rang school.. Apparently I should buy black trainers... As he is wearing I said?? Dh rang the trust 'Hotline'.. Apparently school stock new shoes. Or need to accept black trainers short term. Went to take ds home. Isolation until shoes shops open is ridiculous... Turn up and show them his old shoes... They find ds sporting too big shoes and looking upset-they found some a size too big ... All good in their eyes.. Never mind being late for work and sticking ds in a room for wearing black trainers all along.. Bonkers...
Fucking nuts! How will his shoes affect his learning ffs??