Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think he is bugging me?

40 replies

Neverquitegoodenough · 16/03/2021 06:31

Ok so this is really weird.

Last week I posted about being scared of discussing finances with dp. After some amazing replies I realised I need to get out of my relationship. Because I am scared of confrontation I decided to wait until yesterday when he would get an alert from his bank to say he had gone into his overdraft ..... he always contacts me when that happens .... which would be a natural opening to the conversation where I was going to tell him I'm no longer happy and want him to leave.

However he didn't bring it up at all. Not even all evening, when he had opportunity to, and he would usually text me during the day to see what was going on and check I had sorted it.

I discussed the situation with my sister over the weekend when he was out where I told her my plan and how I was unhappy.

The thing is this isn't the only time this has happened....my sister wants to move closer to me and a few weeks ago I was talking to her about her possibly moving in with me while she looks for somewhere. A couple of days later she called about something else and afterwards dp joked about how we were planning to kick him out so she could move in.

This isn't the only incident like this over the last few months. I just thought that he was just really intuitive but suddenly it seems really odd...mainly as he has not even mentioned the overdraft which he would always always do.

Am I being paranoid? Or does it seem a bit suspicious? He is a very suspicious and paranoid person (in the early days of our relationship I would get increasingly desperate texts if out with friends as he would think I was meeting other men) and has joked before about putting up a webcam so he can check the kids were behaving when we were both at work. Is there a chance he has done this or set up something to record conversations at home? And how on earth would I find out?

I don't like to think this is the case but it is all starting to seem really odd and too many coincidences.

OP posts:
Stillhurting786 · 16/03/2021 06:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Neverquitegoodenough · 16/03/2021 06:41

@Stillhurting786

Maybe he knows your password and haa access to your phone
He knows my password to my phone but has had no access to it...and how would he be able to hear my conversations? I never wrote anything about my sister until now.
OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 16/03/2021 06:44

Its easy to bug someone its even easier to guess because your face may have given it away my ex claims he could read me like a book he was often wildly off the mark but occasionally he got it right

Theunamedcat · 16/03/2021 06:44

Do you WhatsApp your conversation with your sister?

Original poster
Neverquitegoodenough · 16/03/2021 06:45

@Theunamedcat

Do you WhatsApp your conversation with your sister?
No....not that one. It was all on phone conversation nothing at all in writing.
OP posts:
Original poster
Neverquitegoodenough · 16/03/2021 06:46

@Theunamedcat

Its easy to bug someone its even easier to guess because your face may have given it away my ex claims he could read me like a book he was often wildly off the mark but occasionally he got it right
I've always thought that he is really intuitive but he doesn't read me very well....we have had arguments in the past as he has insisted my face has given one thing away but in fact the opposite has been true. He doesn't "know" me very well if that makes sense?
OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 16/03/2021 06:52

You can link your phone to a laptop and gain access to text messages messenger and even WhatsApp

Original poster
Neverquitegoodenough · 16/03/2021 06:59

@Theunamedcat

You can link your phone to a laptop and gain access to text messages messenger and even WhatsApp
I don't think this is the case.....he only has his pc and that is in the front room and I use it occasionally to do his admin so wouldn't I see this?

The conversation with my sister has never been written it was spoken in a call and not repeated on WhatsApp or messaging.

The comments about finances I made on here were only repeated by phone to my sister and my mum both when he was out. Never written accept on here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Neverquitegoodenough · 16/03/2021 06:59

*except...sorry!

OP posts:
babyfoodhp · 16/03/2021 07:16

My first thoughts were is your sister telling him stuff

Shoxfordian · 16/03/2021 07:18

It sounds like you definitely need to leave the relationship, no need to wait for any overdraft conversation

Littlescottiedog · 16/03/2021 07:22

You can get small bugging devices from amazon from about £50. So it's possible. I'd think about where you were when you phoned your sister and have a really good look in that area.

Original poster
Neverquitegoodenough · 16/03/2021 07:22

@babyfoodhp

My first thoughts were is your sister telling him stuff
Nope! Not a hope in hell of that happening. They don't have each others numbers and have seen each other about 5 times in the 10 years we have been together.
OP posts:
HouseOfRunners · 16/03/2021 07:37

I second what littlescottiedog has said.
I have a friend who discovered her DP had bugged her car with tiny little mics hidden inside the sun visors!

Stillhurting786 · 16/03/2021 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Roszie · 16/03/2021 08:50

Say something outlandish and see if he jokes about it.

PlanetPuddle · 16/03/2021 08:53

When you are looking dont forget the smoke detectors

PlanetPuddle · 16/03/2021 08:54

Have you got an Alexa?

Tread carefully be safe Flowers

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 16/03/2021 08:59

If you are thinking like this (and it does sound like there is at least at 50:50 chance he has bugged you or has your phone password etc), then it is even more pressing that you need to get out of his ‘area of control’ ASAP. I don’t care if you break up with him or not, but just get out from where you physically have no options. Once you have, change every password you have and get a new phone.

Give yourself a clean slate in your new life. Life is too short to be wondering if the man you should trust above all others is betraying your trust so deeply.

DavidsSchitt · 16/03/2021 09:25

I've just read your other thread and I think that it's simply chance and that maybe he can tell something is up.

The comment about your sister, if she's ringing more than normal, or when he asked what you talked about, if you said "nothing", he could've sensed something is wrong.

Either way, the fact he hasn't text about the overdraft is what's thrown you. He might've been busy when he read the text and simply forgot about it.

You don't need to wait for a prompt to end this relationship, you can just do it. I doubt he's bugged the house tbh.

Theunamedcat · 16/03/2021 09:44

The thing is you are able to end a relationship for any reason at any time you don't need permission

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 16/03/2021 13:03

I knew a woman whose husband put dictaphones (in those days) under their furniture. I know another whose husband insists on cameras all over the house to "check on the cats". I know others whose husbands insist on tracking apps on each other's devices. Happens more frequently than people would want to believe :(

notacooldad · 16/03/2021 13:11

Just end it.
You don't reasons or excuses.
If you are at the point that you think he could be bugging you, you are way past a normal relationship.

combatbarbie · 16/03/2021 13:14

If you have any alexa or similar devices he could be dropping in, it doesn't tell you but the ring on ours goes constantly blue if it's dropped in on.... I usually use it to chat to kids when I'm working away.

GladysTheGroovyMule · 16/03/2021 13:15

You don’t need to wait to have a conversation opener to tell him to move out of your home, just tell him. Have someone else there with you if you feel safer that way.

He might well be bugging you but whether he is or he isn’t you suspect that he is, you believe he is capable of doing that so don’t put yourself through this anymore. Hope breaking up with him goes as smoothly as it can and that you are safe.

Swipe left for the next trending thread