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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For feeling very vulnerable thinking about discharging myself

42 replies

Mintsmints · 16/03/2021 02:04

I have been brought in to the hospital tonight with what’s looks like a mini stroke. It’s so horrible being in A and E on your own but I managed. I am now on the stroke ward assessment bay and it’s just 2 beds and they have just brought a man into the other bed. Now this man is prob perfectly nice but I have been sexual assaulted in the past and I am just shaking with fear.

I have told the nurse and she just said that it’s an assessment bay so legal. She seems to not be concerns about my past making me very scared. The nurses station is right down the other side of the ward and I can’t move very well.

I know I am prob being unreasonable and they could not do anything but I feel so scared I am shaking. I can hobble to just seriously thinking about calling my husband hobbling off the ward and going home

OP posts:
StressedTired · 16/03/2021 02:08

I'm sorry you are unwell and in hospital. That situation must feel so scary for you with your past experience. Could you speak to the nurse again or a different nurse to explain again why you are scared. And/or could you call someone to sit with you? Better to try that than to go home without treatment. I hope you get better soon.

Original poster
Mintsmints · 16/03/2021 02:10

I have spoke to 2 nurses and been told there are no other beds. One says if I feel that strongly I can discharge myself. I am meant to be having an MRI in the morning. I hobbled out the room I did not say this in front of the man. I know he has just as much right to be here as I am and I sure he is perfectly nice. This once happened to my mum and I went to sit with her obviously now that is not an option

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Original poster
Mintsmints · 16/03/2021 02:11

The nurse has just come in breifly and shut the door so it’s just me and the man in a closed room. I hobbled out and opened it again

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Tinkerbell456 · 16/03/2021 02:19

Hi Mints. Really difficult situation! As you say, this man is probably a nice fellow but it’s totally understandable that you would feel as you are. I really don’t think you should discharge yourself though. Could the nurses prioritise getting a bed for you on a ward? Do you have a nurse call button in reach? 💐

Original poster
Mintsmints · 16/03/2021 02:23

The nurses said they have no one ready for discharge so if I am here for a few days I am in this room. I am trying to doing some breathing exercises and calm down. I can’t close my eyes and go to sleep as I keep getting a feeling I am being watched which is totally stupid I know

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drivinmecrazy · 16/03/2021 02:23

I had a stroke in November and I can recall vividly how difficult it was going through it all without having DH with me cos of Covid. It was utterly terrifying.
I understand that at this moment you're feeling extremely vulnerable, even without your past experience playing on your mind.
I'm sure that you know that you're in exactly in the right place.
I can't relate to your previous experience but I do know that you'll be feeling extremely anxious regardless.
Unfortunately I don't think you're going to have a peaceful night regardless. My first night I had half hourly obs , it was horrid!!!
I don't know how to reassure you about the other guy, just wanted you to know I kind of know what you're going through.
It's tough when you can't have someone with you.
I hope you get some sleep, if not I'll be here.
You must stay to at least have the scan!!! Daffodil

Original poster
Mintsmints · 16/03/2021 02:24

I think it’s worse knowing that no one will be in to see me tomorrow x

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Original poster
Mintsmints · 16/03/2021 02:25

Thanks drivinmecrazy. Up to know my treatment has been faultless. A and e has me in a ct scanner within five minutes of getting to the hospital. It’s the MRI tomorrow which I am also worked up about because last time I had one I had a panic attack.

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drivinmecrazy · 16/03/2021 02:26

And if it helps I'm four months along and completely fine now.

Feelingconfusedtonight · 16/03/2021 02:26

@Mintsmints sorry to hear you find yourself in hospital on your own. Please don’t let the bastard ruin any more of your life than he already has. You’ve been kept in for a reason don’t let your horrific experience deny you the treatment and assessment you deserve. If you don’t get your mri in the morning you could be left with long term physical effects which would be utterly tragic. 💐

Original poster
Mintsmints · 16/03/2021 02:26

Actually I was meant to be on half hourly obs but no one has been near me for a least three hours.

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Original poster
Mintsmints · 16/03/2021 02:28

Thanks everyone I feel a bit better. He has just said to the nurse to apologise to the lady that I have invaded her quiet space. He honestly didn’t hear me say anything so this must be off his own back.

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drivinmecrazy · 16/03/2021 02:29

I have terrible anxiety so ever time I had a scan or Doppler I was convinced it would be terrible news. I even had to have a lumbar puncture and cannot tell you how sky high my anxiety was then.
Think my lowest point was when DH and DD2 came to drop some stuff off for me and the closest I could get was to wave at them as they drove away. It's heartbreaking!!

Bythemillpond · 16/03/2021 02:34

If he is in the same situation as you or worse what do you think he is going to do?

Whilst it might not be ideal and you have no one with you it is only for a few hours and I presume a nurse will be in and out of your room through out the night taking obs and you always have your buzzer.

drivinmecrazy · 16/03/2021 02:36

What happened to you?
I had just made a cup of tea and sat at the kitchen table, went to pick the cup up and couldn't grip it. Then stood up and noticed I'd lost strength on my right side. It wasn't what I thought a stroke would feel like.
Worst thing was I was alone in the house. I messaged DH at work and said I think I'm having a stroke but he thought I was being my normal melodramatic self and ignored me Angry
Rang 111 and had an ambulance at my house 10 minutes later. I've never been seriously ill but can honestly say I saw the absolute best of the NHS that day (still haven't forgiven DH for ignoring me, on the plus side I use it every chance I get, he still feels guilty Grin)

Beetlebum1981 · 16/03/2021 02:36

I've no experience of anything that you've gone through or are currently going through but just wanted to offer a hand hold.
It might be worth contacting PALS once you're well enough to explain your situation and how it's been dealt with if the nurses are being somewhat dismissive. Not necessarily to have a go at them but maybe to point out them some education is needed so that they are better able to deal with such an issue in the future.
Do you have any headphones? Would listening to some calming music or a podcast help?

Original poster
Mintsmints · 16/03/2021 02:45

I was getting ready for work (night shift) and felt a weakness in my arm them I felt my face kind of drop. I couldn’t speak at all. My husband rushed me to the hospital. It didn’t help my husband rang my employer to let them know and he got tore a strip down the phone as I had not given 24 hours notice so I now worried about that as well

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Original poster
Mintsmints · 16/03/2021 02:45

We are told we need to give 24 hours notice to be ill

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drivinmecrazy · 16/03/2021 02:52

That's awful from your employer. You absolutely must just concentrate on yourself and your recovery, don't think you'll be rushing back to work anytime soon.
Just focus on your healing, you'll get there.
My emotions and anxiety were all over the place for a very long time, I've since learnt that's entirely expected.
You've just experienced a life changing event.
I sobbed for days and have never felt so alone. Think it was even harder for DH and DDs at home waiting for updates , bloody Covid Angry

drivinmecrazy · 16/03/2021 02:56

What made it worse was that I lost all fine movements in my right hand. I'm slow at messaging normally but that was on another level. They all got used to my fat finger typing and misspelling , just as well cos I could not be arsed to correct it all. I think autocorrect even gave up with me Grin

Original poster
Mintsmints · 16/03/2021 03:11

My husband says I am handing my notice in and we will manage. He said he didn’t know how anyone when being told their employee has symptoms of a stroke could be less then concerned. I am not handing my notice in but next time I am asked to do extra I won’t be

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pinknsparkly · 16/03/2021 03:12

I'm.so sorry to hear what you're going through mints. It might not be helpful at all, but the only thing I thought may help could be making sure you have the nurse call bell right next to your hand at all times. That may help relieve your anxiety a little bit by knowing you can immediately call for help if needed?

I've not been through anything similar to you, but am currently up feeding my 8 month old covid baby so I do know about the loneliness and fear of being hospitalised in an emergency and not being able to have a loved one with you. Sending lots of love your way

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 16/03/2021 03:56

In all the years I have been a nurse, apart from Resus, we have never put males and female patients in together. This is a new one on me.

Try get some rest @Mintsmints, the staff will be in and out all night looking after you both.

HopingForOurRainbowBaby · 16/03/2021 04:25

@SakuraEdenSwan1

In all the years I have been a nurse, apart from Resus, we have never put males and female patients in together. This is a new one on me.

Try get some rest @Mintsmints, the staff will be in and out all night looking after you both.

They did me when I had my miscarriage a couple of years ago. The assessment ward was full more men than women. All I had separating me and the guy next to me was a plastic screen whilst the gynaecologist pulled blood clots and tissue from my cervix. At the time I was scared and alone cos my OH was away working so I didn't say anything but now I would ask to be moved somewhere private because I'm sure the guy next to me didn't particularly want to hear the gynaecologist saying my cervix was dilated and he was going to pull out what he could, just as I didn't particularly want every tom dick and Harry hearing it either.
Littlebluebird123 · 16/03/2021 07:10

@Mintsmints
I hope you have managed some rest. It's never easy in hospital anyway without the added stress you have. It did seem like the man was a bit sensitive to your vulnerability which is good.
I hope the scan goes well today. I know all of it is made harder by being alone so here's my hand to hold. ✋