To think saying this is incredibly hurtful?

[blublub]

My OH said to me today that he knows ‘I’m the one’ because When other guys say ‘oh don’t you want to shag some porn star’ he can’t think of any more beautiful than me so no.
Filling out his theme, un-encouraged I may add as a preserved a stony silence, he went on the add that when other men talk about their ideal womanly figure, he doesn’t think like that but if pushed (I’m still silent) he would have to say I was on the too slim side of perfect. But it doesn’t matter because he loves me so much he doesn’t see me like that. He has form but this really took my breath away. He thought this was a compliment! AIBU to be silently outraged at this speech or not?

Good lord, I thought he was in his 20s!

Stunned at the age.

There's no men who aren't utterly grim are there?

He is in his early fifties and I am forty.

I thought he and his mates were in the or twenties.

And not particularly nature, decent twenty somethings.

You don't want to start again .... Well, then i.guess you're going to have to let his puerile, basic, shallow, inept statements about your relationship and your looks till off you; which is doesn't sound like you're currently doing.

Because I doubt he's going to change.

Sad times. Bringing your kid up around that. Good luck.

It is going to take for you to feel comfortable around him.
He got help for his aggressive depression unfortunately the people around him don't forget the past and turmoil it causes easy.
His compliment was immature.

I don’t think we are just our feelings. That’s incredibly irresponsible imo. I think we should live life by principles and morales

Was this a response to my post about respecting your feelings?

If comparing you to porn fitted in with your principles and morals, you wouldn't have posted in the first place.

Your principles and morals ARE your feelings. For example, you may have an impulse to punch somebody for jumping ahead of you in a queue, but something stops you. Are you simply 'obeying the rules' or you do you feel it to be wrong, feel like you'd be letting yourself down, feel that punching somebody isn't really who you are?

If you're just obeying the rules, then you have no principles and morals of your own (re this). If it's a feeling stopping you, respect the feeling.

Spotting the difference between impulses and core feelings is a skill we all need. It's irresponsible to live life according to your impulses (and if we did, many more of us would be a lot less healthy). It's not irresponsible to live life according to your core feelings, which are your principles and morals; it's your duty to yourself, and everybody around you.

@LunaHeather

Stunned at the age.

There's no men who aren't utterly grim are there?

Why would you make that particular assumption due to OP's partner comparing her to porn? He's not the democratically elected representative of men.

There are many men who aren't utterly grim, so your horrible generalisation is nonsense.

I take it you don't love him for his brain cell count?

Wow, who said romance is dead, eh?

I’d have told him to stop digging.

I’d also say if he thinks that’s the way to show his love for a woman then he’s a bit inept.

He wasn’t comparing me to porn, he was saying that his work colleagues were talking about women they ‘know’ from porn and how they were their ideal body type. He said he wouldn’t be able to do that because I am his perfect. Which is both sweet and horrible at the same time. He works in a predominantly skilled but manual male work force. I guess we’ll paid working class would be a way to categorise it. It seems this is just the way men talk alone, ‘locker room’ talk. I really don’t care. I care that he thought it was ok to mention it to me as a compliment. As someone said ‘inept’ would be a good way of describing him when it comes to that. And I need to communicate to him that i would rather he didn’t bring that sort of talk home. Which I know he will be ok with.

What still bothers me is the sort of put down compliment, completely unsought, of me being too slim as his ideal but it doesn’t matter. I guess it’s another thing of maybe it would have been better left unsaid. But he just kept digging as my silence made him nervous. He has said to me he is so afraid of screwing things up again and loosing us both completely. And I am super sensitive because of everything that happened before.

As to emotions controlling actions I would say that that would be morals ie not whacking someone because they jumped in line. It’s not on to hit people! So we don’t. I do think you need a moral framework for your life or else you are acting as an animal not a human being. But that’s a whole other thread!

I had another child in my late teens and her dad disappeared and I was left to raise her alone and barely saw her as I had to work full time to provide for her. It’s also left her with a lot of emotional issues because her dad wasn’t there for her. I do not want a repeat of my experience or that I have seen in friends. For either of us.

As to emotions controlling actions I would say that that would be morals ie not whacking someone because they jumped in line. It’s not on to hit people! So we don’t. I do think you need a moral framework for your life or else you are acting as an animal not a human being. But that’s a whole other thread

'It's not on to hit people' is a moral standard, it's a principle. It's a feeling. You seem to be being deliberately obtuse about this.

I wish you luck.