to blame lockdown on my elderly parents sudden deterioration..

[MariaAngustias]

So my sister, me and my daughter are all shocked at how my elderly parents have deteriorated in the last year. From and independent couple (Mum late 70's, Dad mid 80's) who walked for miles, did the gardening and shopping, drove around, went abroad to a couple of frail old people who have lost mobility, confidence and deteriorated so much mentally and physically. I wondered if it was lockdown and then my sister said the same thing. At first during lockdown we did not see them for months but we did zoom and ring a lot, then, as things deteriorated, we had to go in to give care. There is no way of knowing whether it is the case but I just feel like the isolation and being stuck inside has really badly affected them and I want to cry.

Whilst I think lockdown will not have helped matters I do think that many people don't realise how much people can suddenly deteriorate when they age. I've lost count of the times over a number of years when patients families say to me "but they were fine 6 months/3 months/a few weeks ago".

I would say that you can't easily pin down causes like that but it's probably related.

Your parents are at an age when many people do start to deteriorate quickly. They seem like healthy and active older people and quite quickly begin to seem frail and elderly. And I think when you see people less often the difference is more evident.

But it's also the case that many of those who regularly work with the elderly, and also other shut-in populations, are seeing a pattern of this kind of deterioration and they are in more of a position to compare.

YANBU I carried on seeing my DM pretty much throughout the pandemic. She was shielding the first few weeks but it had an extremely negative effect on her mental health, she said she would rather take the risk of covid/death than not seeing her family. Her sister and brother in law who are older at 83, both had covid and luckily they were ok. They also carried on seeing some of their family.
A work colleagues father has been shielding, he’s just been sectioned and is now in hospital, his wife is also suffering with memory loss and doesn’t understand where her DH is. They’ve a large family and haven’t seen anyone for a year due to fear of contracting covid, instead they’ve lost their minds.
The elderly have suffered and continue to do so, it’s heartbreaking.

YANBU

it is criminal what lockdown has done to older people, especially as it’s been cynically packaged as “keeping them safe”.

@SazCat

My DF died a month into lockdown. He was an alcoholic and had been controlling it pretty well, but I think the isolation hit him hard. My DM also had mental health issues before that, and with losing my dad has struggled.

I'm her support bubble so i see her, but she's been so lonely. Her personality has totally changed, confidence gone. Seems to have aged loads, they were both only late 60s!

This happend to the father of someone I know as well, early last summer he died as a result of alchol abuse. He'd never stopped but was managing to keep a lid on t, but days in alone just blew it all away.

An older aunt of mine is the same, long-term addiction issues but fairly controlled in an assisted living. But she started getting deliveries of drugs, and she apparently didn't even know what they were. She told her son that it didn't matter it was better than being stuck alone watching tv.

My in-laws (67 and 74) have both noticed a considerable decline in their physical health. They've walked as much as they can but spend much of their days sat down. Both have lost strength and mobility. I can easily imagine how the consequences would have been much worse had they been a little older/alone/mentally compromised in some way.
They've decided to move to be near us because lockdown has shown how isolated and vulnerable they will be once they're older and more frail and we're so glad they are doing so.
for everyone who is experiencing the unaccounted for impact of lockdown on their loved ones.

Same for my parents. My mum was always really active, meeting friends, out on day trips, concerts etc. She’s now a shell of her former self, won’t drive anywhere, too scared to even meet a friend for a walk because she thinks Covid will kill my dad who is CEV. She even wears a mask in the garden ffs in case someone stops to chat to her. Every time one of those utter scumbags from SAGE start spouting about new variants and a third wave she retreats further into herself. It’s truly upsetting to see.

My mum has become difficult to understand, it's like she's throwing words at me. She's not had visitors except for cleaners/caters and I haven't seen her since last Easter ( live around 200 miles away.(
She sees almost no one and goes nowhere.
Clearly her universe has shrunk and she has no reference point and no idea of the world outside other than her telly.

There are so many consequences.
My mum and dad have been together 24/7 with the result that my mum (dementia and limited mobility) now panics when he is out of her sight or even just not right next to her. They used to go out and about locally, to church a couple of times a week and meet friends for coffee, and would often be apart, although in the same place iyswim. I just can't see her coping with that now.

My dad has been shielding as well ascaring for my mum, and has therefore not een out without her at all, so his mobility and strength have hugely declined. He said last week, when I persuaded her to take my arm instead that he has not walked more than two or three steps outside the house and garden for a year without holding her and walking at her pace and to the limit of her distance.

He used to walk 4-6 miles once a week with a friend - his one complete break - and I am determined he can do that again, but it is going to be a huge challenge because a) he doesn't ever want my mum to be upset, which she will now be if he drives away, and b) he is absolutely not fit enough to walk anything like that far.

@Iheartmysmart

Same for my parents. My mum was always really active, meeting friends, out on day trips, concerts etc. She’s now a shell of her former self, won’t drive anywhere, too scared to even meet a friend for a walk because she thinks Covid will kill my dad who is CEV. She even wears a mask in the garden ffs in case someone stops to chat to her. Every time one of those utter scumbags from SAGE start spouting about new variants and a third wave she retreats further into herself. It’s truly upsetting to see.

Sorry to hear that

The most extreme person I know - not elderly, no health conditions - won't go in her garden if next door are in theirs. It gives me the rage a bit because I think, why should such an idiot get a garden!

This might explain DH's fairly sudden decline. He's in hospital at the moment, and although there are physical aspects, such as poor kidney function and a known heart issue, there could well be an element of lack of external stimulus. But then he relied quite a lot on going out and about, so relying on that external stuff rather than spending time reading and watching documentaries, i.e. internal stimulus.

I think a lot of the advice, especially for older people, to stay at home wasn't really about keeping them safe, more to do with keeping them out of hospital as older people are likely to have other conditions which wouldn't make it easy for them to fight Covid at home. But there's a heck of a lot about the effects of lockdown that no-one could really predict and quite probably no-one could have done anything about that anyway.

In hindsight, there are things we (i.e. I) could have done better. Certainly setting up zoom sessions with the family could have helped, even though I would have to be the one to do that as DH is definitely not technologically minded. And the two of us could have spent more time together (we live more like housemates than spouses) but that would have required him actually listening to me...

I don't want to appear too flippant, because this is a very real issue that many of us are dealing with, but I'm trying to keep cheerful whilst worrying about what the future is going to be like. I doubt that once lockdown is lifted that things are going to go back to how they were before.

@Crankley, similar age here. DH has underlying health condition and doesn't go out much but I'm usually pretty active. Volunteering, babysitting, meeting friends, fitness classes, hair and nails - all stopped.

I speak to my family on the phone regularly. I walk to the park, I go to the supermarket (socially distancing of course) I read and garden when the weather is ok. Life could be so much worse! We don't have to worry about losing our jobs or juggling homeschooling and work like younger people.

Had our jabs and hopeful about lockdown easing. So sad to hear how worried some people have been. DD has had Covid, she's a nurse. That was the worst, fortunately she recovered ok.

I'm encouraging my mum to just get out now as I think she's going downhill but then she says "there is a lockdown on you know!"

Definitely. I’ve seen Mum’s mobility go down hill and she seems more frail. Worryingly, she told me that she’s getting used to staying in and is not sure that she wants to go out again!

Hoteltango "But there's a heck of a lot about the effects of lockdown that no-one could really predict"

I've yet to hear any unpredictable effects. It's pretty standard for all governments to say "unforeseen consequences" for things that were anticipated by every ordinary Jane in the street.

Yes this. My Dad was still working until the end of last year, he delivers parts, he's 83, always out galavanting, he's a really sociable person. He's really gone backwards. My Mum however is fairing a lot better, she's not sociable at all, social stuff makes her anxious. She's happy out walking, doing her thing, but she is struggling being Dad's entire focus and he can be hard work.
Friends with elderly parents all say the same thing, they have nothing to talk about on the phone etc. It's grim.

Such a sad impact of lockdown - as well as the people who caught covid and died we have another group who have been aged and disabled before their time. So sorry for everyone who has experienced this x

@BoKatan

I work for adult social services and I honestly believe we have prioritised quantity of life over quality of life with devastating results.

This. In spades.

Older people can suddenly decline, but this has hit the generation in one go and accelerated it into one year or brought the decline forwards for far, far many more than normally go through it at any one time.

MiL is in another country so we only see her annually most years. When we were last there in autumn 2019 she had suddenly aged and lost a lot of motivation to take herself out, and it showed in her conversation. Less village gossip. Less current affairs from walking to get the newspaper. I don't think she's left the house for anything non-medical in the past year. Photos shared by family at Christmas showed her posture had declined dramatically again, and that will have been aggravated by not being taken around a garden centre or off to a cafe like she was the previous year. She's at an age where any illness can take its toll, and she'll struggle to claim back any lost stamina. I just hope the EU stops politicking about over vaccines and we can get over to see her sooner rather than later. She's only just been vaccinated and the programme has barely started on the general population.

Lockdown has been unbelievably cruel to the oldest and youngest in society, and that's life or developmental time that you can't recover.

DM is a few years younger and has fared better. Now she and many of her friends have had round 1 of the vaccination, they're begining to sneak into each others' houses which is great for their general wellbeing.
About 4 friends, she'll never see again... cancer, not covid. Some delayed diagnoses and rapid demises last year.

DF died in November 2019 so DM (81) with Alzheimer’s was struggling with bereavement still as we went into March 2020 lockdown
This time last year she did her own shopping, drove, went to church and other social activities, had lots of friends and managed ok with a bit of family help
Now she is very dependent - mobility reduced - memory worsening - unable to do much - too frightened to shop etc
It’s very sad

My Dad was getting booze delivered to the door from the local corner shop. In massive quantities he would never have bought when out doing the weekly shop with my Mom.

I had no idea, I was doing doorstep deliveries of groceries for them that I'd got with my online shopping.

Yanbu - I have noticed this with my elderly parents, especially Dad who doesn’t have much mobility anyway. Whilst physically there hasn’t been much change, mentally there has, I think the lack of contact and social interaction with people has taken it’s toll. I really hope it will improve as they can start to see a few more people over the coming months.