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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I envy you. You can still sit and watch tv and drink coffee in peace. Enjoy it whilst it lasts.

63 replies

MoanyMonday · 15/03/2021 14:16

This nugget of advice is what a parent in my antenatal group has just told me when I mentioned my 15 month old cannnot walk yet. He's been cruising for about 8 months and crawling since he was 6 months old but because he cannot yet walk I'm apparently spending my days sitting on a sofa drinking coffee and watching netflix. I'm honestly baffled at what she thinks he is doing whilst I do these things.

So given that I'm clearly not knowledgeable on having a toddler who actually toddles am I being unreasonable and woefully naive? I was actually hoping my life would be much easier when he can finally walk. Is it really a million times harder having a walker compared to a child who can crawl at the speed of light, navigate the stairs and competently climb onto and then launch himself off a sofa.

Also any advice as I have clearly been parenting my non walker wrong all this time. What is this magic trick I'm missing for keeping him in one place as I have shows to catch up on and I'd blooming love to not have to wait until he's napping to enjoy a cuppa.

OP posts:

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/03/2021 15:07

@BlackBucketOfCheese

Based on that comment only?

Nope based on the subsequent comments from the OP.
Also because I have known people like that, people who always find something to be hard done by and yet some how better at.

OP, your child is well within an average bracket.

But subsequent comments from the op are from the op's perspective, nothing to do with what the woman actually said.
She unwittingly hit a nerve, that's all.

PenisBeakerIsMyFavouriteMuppet · 15/03/2021 15:13

My brother’s son is extremely physically disabled, and has been in a wheelchair from a very young age.

A woman in a supermarket once, within hearing distance of my nephew who was about 4 at the time, told my brother that he was very lucky because she was worn out from running around after her toddler.

People are idiots.

Heysiriyoutwat · 15/03/2021 15:13

This is why I never comment on other children you never know if it will be taken the wrong way and ruin someone's day.

I leaned this the hard way when I commented how cute another babies wolly hat was at a weigh in clinic once. The poor mum started asking why I'd commented, did I mean he shouldn't be wearing it? Was I saying she was making him too hot?

By the time it was her turn for the HV the poor woman was in tears, I felt so fucking bad! I was just trying to strike up a conversation with a fellow mum!

RickiTarr · 15/03/2021 15:14

Did you accidentally give her the impression you keep him in a padded holding cell?

Original poster

MoanyMonday · 15/03/2021 15:15

A woman in a supermarket once, within hearing distance of my nephew who was about 4 at the time, told my brother that he was very lucky because she was worn out from running around after her toddler.

oh your poor nephew.

OP posts:

Vallmo47 · 15/03/2021 15:17

I’m sure she meant to be light hearted and cheer you up but it’s a sore subject and you wanted kind reassurance and understanding. 💗

IslaRoseGraceEtc · 15/03/2021 15:18

I think some posters are being a bit harsh!

I also have friends who always have it worse than me - oh yours is waking 3x a night? Wait till you're used to a full nights sleep and THEN they wake you up! Crying and frustrated that they can't communicate? Wait until they're talking, you'll be desperate to shut them up!

She sounds irritating to me OP!

Original poster

MoanyMonday · 15/03/2021 15:18

@RickiTarr

Did you accidentally give her the impression you keep him in a padded holding cell?

Clearly.

Although he's covered in bruises so a padded cel might not be the worst idea.

She knows he can climb and crawl like lightning so I was quite taken aback by the comment as surely it's not hard to imagine he's still a very on the go child even if he isn't walking.

OP posts:

RickiTarr · 15/03/2021 15:21

@MoanyMonday

Maybe I am letting the comment get to metoo much although surely it goes without saying that even though he's not walking it's obvious that I don't have time get sit and drink coffee and watch tv as he's still an active 15 month old.

If I'm being honest I think she probably sees him as very behind because her child walked very early and as some have suggested this isn't the first comment she's made about my child or other children in the group. I'm normally so good at just letting it wash over me but yes todays comment has indeed struck a nerve.

Oh sorry didn’t see this.

Honestly the baby groups where people are covertly comparing development rates are the absolute low point of parenting. Two of mine are now over 18 and nothing about the social side of being a mum has ever irritated me as the baby groups. School gate, having to discuss alcohol/parties with the parents of other teens, eleven plus, PTA, uni choices...none of it comes close.

People do it for well intentioned reasons, worried reasons, smug reasons and it’s ridiculous and stressful all round.

Please try not to worry about him, he will be on feet before you know it.

MozzarellaMonster · 15/03/2021 15:24

The only thing that is harder is as they get used to walking they of course stumble so you find yourself having to make sure the floor is clear so even a small obstacle won't send them flying but in the scheme of things this is a small window before they have mastered it and get more steady on their feet/ are able to navigate better.

RickiTarr · 15/03/2021 15:25

She knows he can climb and crawl like lightning so I was quite taken aback by the comment as surely it's not hard to imagine he's still a very on the go child even if he isn't walking.

I swear to goodness, when people are in the thick of caring for under 5s, they completely forget everything about the last stage as soon as they are grappling with the next one. It’s like the fog of war.

Also you’ve got this weird thing - and this IS like the school gate - where you’re all just sitting there together with nothing at all in common apart from when you happened to create a new human. It’s like being trapped in a lift, isn’t it? Painfully reaching for more small talk (and I say that as a chatterbox). She probably didn’t really engage her brain.

So sorry she’s got to you.

Original poster

MoanyMonday · 15/03/2021 15:29

I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt but it was in a messenger chat so in all honestybit would gwve been entirely reasonable to have waited a while and formed a kinder response.

I'm hoping when she reads it back later she realises it wss an unnecessary comment.

OP posts:

Brokenrecord3006 · 15/03/2021 15:37

Once my son hit 12 months I was desperate for him to walk. He refused his pram and constantly whinged to crawl around the floor regardless of where we were. I found it much easier when he started walking. You need eyes in the back of your head for a while longer while they're wobbly but then it's fine.

The only woman I would say a comment like that to is a woman who is pregnant!

FullofCurryandparatha · 15/03/2021 15:39

I'm honestly not trying to find offence but yes it's probably a sore point. Her child walking earlier than mine is down to nothing she did just as mine not walking isn't because of anything I've not done but it's honestly the only thing people seem to focus on when asking how he. I'm sure it's something many parents hace found when they have a child who is a little later to walk

In the nicest possible way OP, get over yourself!

If you had an early walker, people would make small talk about that. If you have a late talker or early talker, ditto, or early teething or late teething.
It's literally just something to make inane small talk with people you don't know and possibly have nothing in common with other than you both happened to spawn at the same time!

I'm hoping when she reads it back later she realises it wss an unnecessary comment

And I hope that at some point you will cringe at yourself for making such a fuss. Probably around the point that you realise you make the same kind of comments and you're no better than anyone else at small talk!

TheGoogleMum · 15/03/2021 15:40

DD walked on the late side (didn't really do it on her own properly until she was 21 months old) and so I got this a lot but I didn't think walking made life harder as she was still crawling at speed and cruising and climbing. If anything it made life easier once she was walking as taking her places became much easier knowing she could walk a bit!

RickiTarr · 15/03/2021 15:41

The only woman I would say a comment like that to is a woman who is pregnant!

Yes I agree.

MitheringSunday · 15/03/2021 15:44

Two of mine were nearly 18 months before they walked. It didn't bother me in the slightest (possibly partly because they were my second and third... but my first was 14 months and that's on the late side according to some here) but people do seem to get very angsty and competitive over walking and I guess the other mother was either taking it upon herself to 'make you feel better' about it or making a sort of underhanded point. Let it roll off you.

saraclara · 15/03/2021 15:45

It was just one of those things that people say. They might pick up on you being slightly concerned and make a joke about a silver lining, to lighten things. It's perfectly normal mum chat which you're really over-thinking.

There is nothing for your friend to reflect on and regret. It's just normal.

Original poster

MoanyMonday · 15/03/2021 15:45

In the nicest possible way OP, get over yourself!

Is there a nice way to get over yourself? . I've already acknowledged I probably took it a little too personally.

Oh 21 months, you have my utmost respect. I'm sincerely hoping it makes life easier as at least with him walking I wont have 'arguments' about him going in the pushchair.

OP posts:

Sahm101 · 15/03/2021 15:46

I will top this. My ds was walking completely by himself at 10 months. Yes 10 months. Trust me it was bloody hard work. He was constantly on the move. I don't think the other mum was trying to outdo you, just maybe wrapped in her own world. Each stage is full of challenges. We then couldn't wait for him to start talking, and I will be lucky if there's 5 minutes of silence. Honestly don't read too much into it. Each stage is hard in different ways.

DaisyDaisyDay · 15/03/2021 15:47

Agree it's just small talk.

Although TBH early walkers are challenging in the manner that they stagger in a very unstable way so watch out for the corners of low furniture, corners of dining tables, right angled walls etc.

thecatandthevicar · 15/03/2021 15:48

I hated the early walking stage. Crawling and climbing was so much easier.
Maybe it's just mine, but early walking meant constant crashing down and falling on things.

They have to learn, they are cute and all, but it was really hard work. Not 5 seconds of peace!

applesandpears33 · 15/03/2021 15:55

DD didn't walk until she was 20 months. It was hard work carrying her around at times. My only suggestion if your DC has loads of energy is that we found a bouncer was pretty good. We had one of those ones you put in a doorway and she would happily bounce about and burn off some energy. Some of the cutest videos we have of her are when she was bouncing about and enjoying her new found freedom.

applesandpears33 · 15/03/2021 15:56

I also found that when she did walk she was very stable and hardly fell down at all.

dropthedeadhorse · 15/03/2021 15:59

Oh god this is why I didn’t do NCT. An innocuous comment from one parent leads to the other completely overthinking it and making a thread about it on an anonymous forum. Just respond with something like ‘If only! The little monster can get around surprisingly quickly’ and then let it go from your head.

When my friend and I had babies at the same time we would chat about them quite a lot. Her DD started walking and crawling months before mine (both totally within normal range) and she would send me videos or tell me what she had been up to - it was really cute and I always responded with how impressed I was etc. Now they are 3, my DD can hold full conversations and draw recognisable pictures. Hers DD has more basic communication skills and generally just scribbles. Still both well within a ‘normal’ range. However my friend reacts quite badly to me showing her one of DDs pictures or telling her a funny thing DD said- so I’ve just stopped telling her. It’s so silly!

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