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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I need to report myself to the police?

123 replies

darkclouds232 · 14/03/2021 13:37

Please help as I am going crazy.

I had a driving incident which was totally my fault - there was a railway bridge, so I had to go through a narrow tunnel which was 'give way' to traffic on the other side. I had my sunglasses on as there was intermittent sunshine, and as I was going through I then saw there was a cyclist in the other direction. He went past me and shouted something. I was shocked because I hadn't seen him and obviously I was in the wrong as he had priority and i shouldn't have been under bridge at same time as him.

I didn't notice anything at time but now I'm wondering if I somehow touched him or something? I didn't hear anything but obviously I wasn't all there mentally to have not noticed him in the first place. I feel awful and a total danger and I won't be driving again for a while.

Do I need to report to the police in case this was an incident and I didn't stop? Should I have stopped? I don't know if he had a camera and May report my driving, but I'm more worried in case there was a chance I touched him and I didn't notice.

OP posts:

Sacreblue · 14/03/2021 15:23

If you are nervous about driving have you thought about a few top up lessons or an advanced driving course?

Whatever happened, and regardless of how the cyclist was dressed, avoiding driving is only going to make you more nervous if a situation necessitates driving.

It might be better to get more driving practise with someone who can help you improve your skills and confidence.

Henio · 14/03/2021 15:30

I didn't notice a cyclist in an asda car park a while ago, i'd checked one way then the other and pulled out he came zooming down the first side I checked out of bloody nowhere (way too fast). I put my hand up and started apologising but instead of slowing down or braking he decided to come right up next to my car, kick it and call me all sorts of disgusting names and told me he'd recorded me and was going to report me etc.. nothing ever came from it lol I assume I'm probs on a YouTube compilation he's made but nevermind ... any try not to worry

Florelei · 14/03/2021 15:40

@LadyOfLittleLeisure

I might be totally off here, but do you get thought processes like this often? I have OCD and it's a hallmark characteristic...

I was just going to say this. I also have OCD and have thoughts like this.

I hope you’re ok @darkclouds232

Original poster

darkclouds232 · 14/03/2021 15:45

Yea I do get worries like this a lot, but I don't know if I trust my own thoughts memories... like I think I saw him cycle off but I'm not sure if I'm imagining it ... I don't think I touched him but I don't trust my judgement. I'm still unsure on whether I should call police just so I'm not in trouble for leaving the scene if something did happen?

OP posts:

Eckhart · 14/03/2021 15:47

@darkclouds232

Thanks all for comments. I suppose I'm worried I didn't notice something or that I should have stopped, also feeling very bad and folkish because I didn't see him and went under bridge at the same time as he did... I'm just an idiot

You're not an idiot. You made a driving error. Nobody was hurt.

Have you ever been in a car when something has touched it? If someone brushes past your parked car with their coat it's loud. You'd know if you'd touched a moving cyclist in a moving car. You really would know. Usually things sound much worse than they are, rather than being much worse than they sound.

Roobie51 · 14/03/2021 15:48

You would have known if you touched him. Don’t fret op, it was genuine mistake. I think most of us can say we’ve made a silly mistake on the roads - me driving up a one way street with no idea what I’d done as I completely missed the sign and I got shouted at. If I wasn’t shouted at I probably would have carried on!

Parkerwhereareyou · 14/03/2021 15:49

I'm quite sure that if you'd touched him you'd know about it by now.

No - just forget it. People's blood gets up while they're cycling hard. You got in his way. He probably knows you didn't mean it and made a mistake. He was most likely shouting at you for being stupid.

If he'd been hurt, you'd have been contacted.

Don't worry. Forget it. But do be careful not to go when it's not your right of way.

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 14/03/2021 15:50

@darkclouds232

I think a GP visit might be better than a police one. False memories/doubting memories and ruminations can be a sign of OCD. One of my psychiatrists said he'd had patients with OCD who repeatedly turned themselves into the police. Of course I'm not qualified to diagnose and couldn't over the internet anyway but it took me years (of being tortured with thoughts like these) before I saw GP. I wish I'd done it sooner.

Alcemeg · 14/03/2021 15:50

We all make driving mistakes, and dwelling on "What if..." afterwards can really do your head in. Try to just chalk it up to experience. To some extent driving is always a learning curve, there are always things that can happen that we just weren't prepared for!

I expect he was outraged at you apparently ignoring his priority/safety. Some motorists do this deliberately, unlike you.

mummywithhermini · 14/03/2021 15:51

No you didn't hurt anything/ anyone. Just let it be a lesson for the future. Don't be too hard on yourself

Sansaplans · 14/03/2021 15:53

No, you would likely know if you hit him, and I would bet if he wanted to report you he would have gestured to try and make you aware of that. If he cycled off I'm sure he is fine, perhaps shaken up, but you are too which shows you took it seriously. Just learn from it, and try not to let it affect your future confidence driving.

user1471457751 · 14/03/2021 15:55

@userxx this wasn't night time though, the OP was wearing sunglasses!! She just wasn't paying attention and if the tunnel was that dark the OP should have turned on her own headlights then she would have seen him

annonnymous · 14/03/2021 15:57

If you clip a cyclist they fall over, so as he didn't there wont have been an accident. Very unlikely you injured him or his bike and he remained cycling

Original poster

darkclouds232 · 14/03/2021 15:59

Should I report it to the police anyway, so if there was an incident I won't be accused of leaving the scene? Should I explain to them I have really bad anxiety and don't know what to do?

OP posts:

SecretOfChange · 14/03/2021 15:59

I can relate to this and would have easily thought similar myself in similar circumstances. I attribute it to anxiety and abusive relationship I just came out of, so perhaps it's worth working on managing your anxiety and self esteem better when you've calmed down?

vixeyann · 14/03/2021 16:00

I can sympathise with this... I too get overly anxious and your brain plays tricks to build an incident up to something it wasn't. I can happily tell someone else that, just struggle to accept when it's me.

SecretOfChange · 14/03/2021 16:07

Answering your last question, no I don't think it's wise to report it. I'm a cyclist (and I drive also, so can see this situation from both sides), and the cyclist most likely shouted that you were in the wrong (possibly not as politely ) If he cycled past you, it's extremely unlikely that he touched your car at all. He would have been on the floor if he did.

In the extremely unlikely event that the cyclist reports you to police, you'd be sent letters and asked to respond to them, which you will be able to do. You're not doing anything wrong (beyond being in the wrong on the road obviously but thankfully no one was hurt so you can let that event go to the past now )

partyatthepalace · 14/03/2021 16:07

Op - you don’t need to report anything because nothing actually happened - you had a close call is all. The cyclist shouted at you because he had right of way.

Please put the incident behind you - the police have enough to do and they do not need you ringing up about a non event.

Tomorrow can you give your GP a ring to talk about anxiety and intrusive thoughts - and arrange some CBT, you are having quite a dramatic over reaction here, and you need to re-frame your thinking.

Other PPs - please let’s not turn this into a cycling/car road safety/etiquette discussion - it’s understandable where everyone is coming from, but it should be obvious that nothing happened here - but the OP has extreme anxiety and this is not helping her.

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 14/03/2021 16:08

@darkclouds232

Should I report it to the police anyway, so if there was an incident I won't be accused of leaving the scene? Should I explain to them I have really bad anxiety and don't know what to do?

@darkclouds232 my advice would be to go to a GP about the anxiety/looping thoughts, explain the incident and if they think it is worth reporting they'll tell you that. X

custardbear · 14/03/2021 16:12

A friends mum dud this sort of, but worse - came around a corner and struck by sunlight, too late, she hit someone and they died - accidental death - she wasn't in the wrong (albeit about 50 years ago and laws do change) just a huge shame.
Sunglasses clearly needed as it was Sunny there, you can't just take on and off mid drive

Champagneandmonstermunch · 14/03/2021 16:12

I'd agree with people saying contact your GP, not the police. You made a mistake and frightened a cyclist. That is not a police matter. It really doesn't warrant the level of panic you seem to be feeling.

VeganVeal · 14/03/2021 16:14

Log it with 101

RosieGuacamosie · 14/03/2021 16:23

I thought that society had moved on from asking about what the victim was wearing.

@DdraigGoch yes because a driver mistakenly not seeing a cyclist is the same as someone intentionally assaulting a woman. Fucking disgusting comment. Shame on you.

that1970shouse · 14/03/2021 16:24

You would have heard a bang or some kind of noise if you hit him. Did you see him cycle away? I think he was shouting to tell you that you shouldn't have entered the tunnel.

Unless you honestly believe - with evidence such as there was a bang - that you actually hit him, don't report yourself to the police. They have more important things to do than follow up every near miss. Just be more careful in future.

gamerchick · 14/03/2021 16:27

@darkclouds232

I didn't notice any lights and he was in dark clothing. I'm just worried I'm going to be in trouble because it could easily have been a head on collision and it was my fault for not seeing him.

Yes I suffer from anxiety.

This is the trouble with some cyclists, they don't take any responsibility for themselves. The amount I've just seen as a dark moving shadow when driving gives me the Heebies. At least make sure drivers can see you.

Let it go OP. I think you would have known if you'd clipped him.

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