AIBU to want Mother’s Day to be a bit different from a normal Sunday??

[mumof2exhausted]

My boys are only young so I know I can’t expect a lot from them but can’t help being bit disappointed with husband. I basically got a lie in until 9am (but I was up in night as feeding newborn so this is necessary so I can function rather than a treat). Cards kids made in school which were lovely. Box of chocolates (that I don’t particularly like) from husband. And then that’s it. Husband went out on long run (he’s training for marathon ) come in shattered now and lying on sofa. I’ve made my own breakfast, the kids lunch, put a wash on and cleaned kitchen. Then I’ll start on Sunday dinner in a bit when my dad gets here.

It’s not a “leave the bastard “ post. He’s a good dad / partner etc it’s just I know he thinks Mother’s Day and the like are pointless. Are other mummies being pampered today?? Am I being unreasonable for expecting (hoping) for just one day of me being looked after?

YANBU. Mother's Day is always a normal Sunday in terms of activities here, but I do usually get something from the dc. Flowers and some lovely earrings in the shape of balls of wool with knitting needles today (I'm a knitter). Dd's idea. I was quite touched actually - she must have thought about it and ordered them in advance.

Dh has taken the dog for a walk in the pouring rain, so I don't need to, and he's cooking dinner (but he often does at the weekend, so that's not really a Mother's Day thing).

YANBU to be upset. I would have expected DH to ask before he went on a run, given it means you have to look after the kids solo, and I would expect him to be a bit apologetic about it if it’s a long run (I’m a big runner btw so all for running in general but not at someone else’s expense on a day that’s meant to be about them!)

I would then have expected DH to organise the dinner - either cooking it or getting a take away of your choice if he’s not a good cook.

I assume you do most of the housework/ childcare normally so it’s not a lot to ask for one day where he takes on the majority of the load

Did you ASK?

Mine was a lockdown mothers day, so a bit shit.

In normal years, DH knows I like to go away to celebrate things, so normally book at worst a weekend at best a week or 2 away - birthdays, mothers day.. any day worth celebrating really!

Because I have decided it's not up to me to cook on mothers day, and he can't be arsed today, he went to pick up a meal from a local restaurant.

But I communicate!
As long as I got the food sorted (mainly for the kids) he's free to go running or cycling, as it happens he took the kids with him, I went for a run.

Other women will have completely different expectations. TALK!
Not on the day!

Don't wait for the day, don't expect people to be mind readers, make your expectations clear!

DH knows that if there's no holiday involved, it's not a birthday, even if it's not on the actual day

Youngest woke me at 7 to give me chocolates I paid for and facilitated her buying whilst I was also in shop, so no surprise there. She has been trying to be “helpful” ever since which is particularly trying. (Sweet though but not restful) eldest seems to have forgotten and he is at home, but is yet to appear to say happy Mother’s Day.

No change to a normal day here except I have an excited child wanting to help!

First Mother's Day for me and I got nothing, we're abit tight with money at the minute so I didn't expect anything but a card Atleast would have been nice so YANBU

@Zig4zag That's really not the point. It's a day celebrated by many, a card and a bunch of daffodils or bar of chocolate cost bugger all just to make your mum know she has been thought of. Partners need to step up to help their children get something/make a card. Threads like this make me so sad and cross on behalf of the OP and other posters.

OP I'm so with you. DP here doesn't really do big features either, but we have had two consecutive years of sheer hell, I'm awaiting cancer screening results next week and honestly thought I'd maybe get a handmade card.
I've been awake since 4.30 with D.C. -he got up at 11ish and I cooked him brekkie and nada.
I could not feel any more worthless than I do today, not even a home made card.
He actually popped to the shops to get beers for the football he's just sat down to watch - it's same old Sunday here....

I expect something akin to what we did as kids: a lie-in, card, and box of chocolates or flowers, then the rest of the day normal, no pressure. And that’s what I get! Hooray!

It's a ridiculous made up day

It’s actually not. It’s been around in the UK since the 17th century I believe.

Day off here - woke up to flowers, present(socks), card from the dds and breakfast in bed. Went for a walk together - watched a film while the baby slept. I did lunch but now back watching films and drinking wine while DH wrangles the baby and supervises homework. Takeaway for tea - and then biggest treat - sleep in the spare room away from the cot for a night. Nothing expensive but everything perfect!

I also got nothing!! My daughters childminder sorted a handmade card and plant pot which was lovely! But from DP, not even an acknowledgement!
I did have surgery on Monday so he has had a lot on his plate with our 14 month old and he has been great with my recovery so he has a pass to some degree!
It's ok to be sad! I am!

I dont think its a day for pampering when you have young kids. Its just not practical. Id love to pamper my mam but...lockdown so cant. My kids made me cards in school then we all ate my chocs and dh made brekky but then all 3 kids needed baths and hairs washed and then the baby needed her nap and the clothes needed to be sorted. Dh is in the shed trying to fix the dryer. Now I'm sitting on the couch drinking tea having more chocolate and watching trolls before I start to pair the socks. Life as normal.

Happy mothers day to all.

I got cards, chocolates and a photo this morning and a brew in bed.
I then got up and made us all a full English breakfast.
Dh went to work and the kids are playing on their xbox. I've tidied up, done some washing and sorted some picky bits out for afternoon tea later coz I don't want to cook and dh isn't home tonight. I'm happy with my lott.
Communicate with your dh, tell him you're tired and don't want to cook and get take out.

I would trade in all the gifts and cards in the world if it meant I could celebrate what should have been my first Mother's Day

I think change your expectations. Yours are quite high. It sounds spot on to me: homemade cards your dc put thought into plus a bit of input from dh to get you a gift.

Do you usually like chocolate or are you diabetic or something in which case thats a bit shit.

Its on you if you choose to launder today. Could have done it a different day. Food prep Im not sure your dc are up to making you breakfast or lunch. What age are they?

At least this means father's day isn't some big holiday for him either.

My day: kids ignored me gaming so I got up at 9 relieved I wasn't going to be subjected to their idea of breakfast in bed (mess and food I don't like). Then I washed up from last night, put a wash on and made breakfast, later made lunch, will make dinner.

Currently making 7yo do piano theory. Still got to get on with work and domestic duty despite mother's day.

You aren’t being unreasonable to expect him to do extra - and he could certainly skip the run/lying on the sofa.

But you do need to tell him. Right now I’d tell him since he hasn’t given you the afternoon off you are banking that and make sure you take it.

Doesn't feel much different than the average Sunday but still nice. I got a handmade card, bunch of flowers and box of chocolates from dd and I asked my partner to make me pancakes (which he did). I wouldn't say I expect to be pampered, but it's the one day that's about recognising all we do as mums and I want to feel appreciated. So sorry to all those who haven't felt that ♥️

I am feeling really pissed off today which is not like me.

My two are 23 and 16. Oldest is at his girlfriends all weekend and I won’t see him until after work on Monday. He left me a card, flowers and chocolates in the garage. I hate to sound ungrateful when some mums get nothing but it’s a £5 bunch of tulips in a colour I hate and there are at least 3 boxes of chocolates sitting out left over from Christmas.

DS2 got up at 1pm made his own lunch and has disappeared back up stairs. No card, present or acknowledgement.

DH is away with work and won’t be back for a couple of weeks so he gets a pass. Anyway it is no longer up to him to facilitate.

Both boys have money, access to shops and can cook.
Some of my friends with children of a similar age are having Sunday lunch cooked for them or Afternoon Tea delivered from a local restaurant. One is spending the day in the hot tub her son has hired, being fed a constant supple of champagne, truffles and other goodies whilst the children are doing chores and preparing dinner.

I would settle for someone to make me a drink and come and talk to me for 10 mins.

Also it’s one year tomorrow since my own Mums funeral so this is technically my second Mother’s Day without her. Last years was just awful with her dying a few days before Mother’s Day and trying to get everything arranged before we went into lockdown. It would have been nice for that to have been acknowledged too.

I do quite like Mother's Day, I have to say. Won't make a deal of it and splash all over social media as I know for so many it's a difficult day. But DH knows I'd like a bit of fuss and obliges, as much as he can given we have small DC. Plus, I probably do more with the kids so I do feel I deserve this day!

Went for a run with a friend, followed by a family walk. Now having time for me and running a bath, DH will be making dinner (but tbh there will be help frome me, the kitchen is mostly my domain and I'm rubbish at letting others cook!). Got cards plus one from DS's nursery, flowers, earrings I picked and chocolate.

You're not wrong to want it to be a different day from a normal Sunday and expect a bit of fuss OP. Life can be difficult and lockdown monotonous. Why not celebrate the small things we can?

to those of you who are feeling disappointed today and grieving your own mum if she's no longer around. I'm so sorry.

@HopingForOurRainbowBaby I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

Thanks all! Good to see I’m not alone! Had a chat with husband and explained that whilst I love being a mum it is relentless and with little ones often thankless. He has said sorry for not making more effort, I am officially off duty for the rest of the day. I’m about to have a bath and read my book, then have a nap then a takeaway for dinner with a glass of wine. Genuinely excited.

I'm also in two minds about this. DH got me a card from the kids and they made some at nursery. I don't expect a present and didn't get one. But I did get my mum a present and I'd never hear the end of it if I didn't. I do feel that it and fathers day are too commercialised and can't see the point too much really. You are forced to do sth that shows appreciation for your mum instead of it being natural and spontaneous and therefore more genuine.
My two are 2.5 and 10 months. I don't really see why my DH should pamper me , he does an equal share of child care and housework, it's still exhausting so why should he wear himself out pampering me?

@ColourMeExhausted thank you