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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is actually worse than No Mother's Day gift?

65 replies

NoNotEver · 14/03/2021 09:12

Woken up early this morning by 3 year old. Resist getting out of bed by turning on the TV for him, but it's no good, he's bouncing around raring to go. OH sleeps in another room, but could surely hear him stomping around the landing and being loud.

Came downstairs to find a card and a little plant on my desk.
Nice gesture I guess, he got me something, more than some years.

But actually, it kind of felt like a slap in the face.
He knew that I'd be up before him, in fact he knew that even after we all got up he wouldn't be up for a considerable time afterwards, such that he'd better stick it on my desk as he'd not be getting up to give it to me until well into the day.

I'd sooner he got me nothing and pretend he forgot it was mother's day so as not to effectively be saying:
"Have a nice mother's day, on your own with three kids, while I stay in bed."

OP posts:

BertramLacey · 14/03/2021 11:36

This is the trouble with Mother's Day. It has tokenism at its heart. Every fucking day should be a day to celebrate the work mothers do, preferably by joining in with it. Instead we treat women like shit 364 days of the year and think giving them flowers, chocolate, a loo roll holder and a pot plant make up for it on the 365th day. It fucking doesn't.

LaurieFairyCake · 14/03/2021 11:43

Nah the problem here is you've not agreed how you're going to do lie in/weekend wakings

And that problem belongs equally to you both

IEat · 14/03/2021 11:53

Did you talk about what you’d like to happen today? No point in assuming anything. Speak to each other. That would solve so much

Sansaplans · 14/03/2021 12:19

Does he ever get up with DC? We used to take it in turns at weekends but actually I don't really like lying in as I have trouble sleeping and more time in bed isn't enjoyable; but DH gets up a reasonable time both days and then if I ever want to do anything in the afternoons or just have a break it's no issue, works for us. Other than that we do an equal share; I would be more annoyed about that than just because it's mother's Day OP.

OhCaptain · 14/03/2021 12:52

@BertramLacey

It’s nothing to do with Mother’s Day and everything to do with useless, selfish men and the women who insist on allowing them to behave that way.

littlepattilou · 14/03/2021 12:56

YANBU.

Original poster

NoNotEver · 14/03/2021 13:03

For those that asked the children are 3, 8 and 12.
We've slept in separate rooms on and off for the 14 years we've been together, partly because we sleep better that way, but he moved out of the bedroom when our second child was born and has never returned. The frequent wakenings disturbed his sleep, to be fair I was breastfeeding so there wasn't a lot he could do, and I'm happy with the separate room situation as his snoring is disturbing and he goes to bed later than I do.

We've talked about the lies in. Nothing every changes. There was a period of a few months when DD2 was born and I cracked and he got up to take DD1 to nursery when I slept in with DD2. That stopped unless I mentioned it every day.
If I nagged and nagged he'd probably get up, but it'd have to be a daily nagging and it'd be nice if he'd just do it, because he gives a damn?

He knows it's mother day, so it's like the perfect chance to make a fucking effort past the shitty plant and card that I can't even bear to look at right now. I know he should pull his weight every day, not just today, it just got to me more than usual this morning.

Yes, our relationship has been in tatters for years, but we actually get on pretty well, so it's stable for the kids and it works for me.

I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable for feeling ungrateful and hurt about what was possibly a nice gesture, and if I should thank him or go out for a walk with the kids, buy us some nice things and then come back and feel pissed off at him still. I chose the latter.

OP posts:

mainsfed · 14/03/2021 13:06

I’d go out and leave him to it.

OhCaptain · 14/03/2021 13:19

@NoNotEver ok...but why didn’t you send the three year old straight into him? I still don’t understand.

DavidsSchitt · 14/03/2021 13:20

Ok, well have you spoken to the kids about it? At 12 and 8 they should be well aware and not need their dad to do it for them.

Popcornbetty · 14/03/2021 13:23

Going out sounds a good idea but id leave kids with him! Or alternatively declare you're spending the afternoon chilling in bed!

Floralnomad · 14/03/2021 13:28

Honestly @NoNotEver you say this relationship works for you but it doesn’t really aside from all living in one house for the children . Your 12 and 8 yr old are both old enough to have sorted something for Mother’s Day , even if that was telling your useless partner what they wanted you to have . Poor show all round really except the 3 yo who is excused .

Original poster

NoNotEver · 14/03/2021 13:37

It's not about the presents or the kids, (all three made me lovely cards) it's about the message that leaving it on the desk for me sent - that he wouldn't be getting up on mothers day until late, and he knew it.

Yes the relationship is shit, I just wanted perspective on whether I was justified in feeling so crap this morning over something so petty. I think I got that, thanks.

OP posts:

Popcornbetty · 14/03/2021 13:49

Have you spoken to your dh about this?

yearinyearout · 14/03/2021 15:25

You know you're not being unreasonable and that your husband is a selfish knobhead.

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