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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being a psycho girlfriend?

34 replies

Couch2Potato · 14/03/2021 09:00

Previously my OH (not married) has shown an annoyance that I don't show enough interest in him sexually (another story)..
So this morning I woke up and thought we could fool around a bit, and he was interested.. obviously.

He said a couple of things during in a rude tone. In hindsight, I overreacted. He just said "I'm cold, put the covers back on", "I want X or do X". It's really not what he said but how said.
So I stopped what I was doing and I asked if I had stopped and I replied yeah then laid on his chest. And he got up, pushing me out of way and put his boxers back on.

I came back upstairs 15 minutes later and explained that I didn't want to start the day off on the wrong foot, I overeacted but I felt he was being rude. He said he didn't understand how he was being rude, followed by him staring at me or saying "okay", or saying nothing and scrolling at his phone.

I called him out for not saying anything and he said he "nothing to say", so then dropped his phone and just stared at me.

I tried continuing the conversation and he said he felt I was being superior to him.. something that I (and his ex) have previously said to him.

He said it felt like I initiated sex only to stop to annoy him, which completely shocked me. I got into bed for a cuddle and he said he loved me, kissed me on the head etc.

When I went to get up, he asked "are you going to be like this all day" and I just explained that he can't continue to talk to me in a rude way. He talks aggressively in a superior manner, and it makes me feel scared of him.

He didn't really have anything to say to that.

My mind always goes blank and I have nothing left to say, I get confused and upset. I completely get that I overreacted but I'm just sick of him talking to me in this rude, aggressive way. Even the simplest of sentences sound rude to me but when he presses for information, my brain stops working..

He has two kids that come over every other weekend, and I hate the way he talks to them too.

He always calls out that I blame him for everything when we argue and guilt trips me. But, I mean, it is his fault...

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 14/03/2021 09:01

It sounds like you don’t like him very much so maybe you should consider if you want to stay with him

Original poster
Couch2Potato · 14/03/2021 09:02

Sorry the formatting was lost when posting!

That's a looong paragraph 😳

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 14/03/2021 09:07

I think you need to call this a day.

Original poster
Couch2Potato · 14/03/2021 09:07

@Shoxfordian

It sounds like you don’t like him very much so maybe you should consider if you want to stay with him
Oh I hope that doesn't come across, I love him dearly! I wrote this when I was angry, and I've had a bee in my bonnet over his rudeness for a while.
OP posts:
ChazP · 14/03/2021 09:07

I’m generally not in the LTB brigade, but he doesn’t sound very nice at all, it looks like there’s some gaslighting going on and I don’t really see what you’re getting out of the relationship.

Aprilx · 14/03/2021 09:09

To be honest I don’t really understand your first two paragraphs, but I don’t see what is wrong with him saying he is cold or asking to do something in particular. The whole you stopped then asked him if you stopped then lay on his chest is really quite bizarre (on your part). It does sound like you are angling for a bit of drama and agree with PP that you probably don’t like him very much.

Original poster
Couch2Potato · 14/03/2021 09:12

@Aprilx

To be honest I don’t really understand your first two paragraphs, but I don’t see what is wrong with him saying he is cold or asking to do something in particular. The whole you stopped then asked him if you stopped then lay on his chest is really quite bizarre (on your part). It does sound like you are angling for a bit of drama and agree with PP that you probably don’t like him very much.
It's more how he talks to me tbh.

And sorry, he asked me if I stopped. I didn't ask on behalf on myself haha

OP posts:
gettingfedupagain · 14/03/2021 09:13

If you don't like the way that he speaks to his children then I can't see a decent future for you involving children of your own (if you were considering that)

He makes you feel belittled and uncomfortable. I hear how much you love him but it's not healthy is it?

FOJN · 14/03/2021 09:15

Your post is a bit confusing, I'm not sure who said what but you have written a couple of things which would be red flags for me.

Previously my OH (not married) has shown an annoyance that I don't show enough interest in him sexually (another story)..

I'd expect an adult in a respectful relationship to have a mature conversation if they felt their sexual needs weren't being met.

He said it felt like I initiated sex only to stop to annoy him, which completely shocked me.

This is screaming projection to me from someone who thinks mind games are part and parcel of a relationship. Who would even assume this?

From what I can tell he's an arse and you're not well suited.

WeatherwaxLives · 14/03/2021 09:16

If you're seeing the same rudeness in his interactions with others that suggests to me that you're not being 'over sensitive' or wanting 'special' treatment.

It sounds like this is who he is. He doesn't seem to think he's wrong or should change, and you can't make him change. So it's a case of can you live with this forever or not?

HikeForward · 14/03/2021 09:17

He doesn’t sound very nice tbh. But if you initiated sex (started doing something sexual to him) and he made a couple of requests like keep the covers on, then you stopped the sexual thing with no explanation he must have been confused?

What do you mean by his ‘tone’? Was he rude? Or just abrupt eg because he’d just woken up and hadn’t fully come round?

My DH doesn’t like it if I initiate sex then change my mind and leave him aroused but frustrated, he gets a bit grumpy. I guess I’d be irritated if he did the same to me.

PurpleFlower1983 · 14/03/2021 09:22

So you initiated sex then stopped because he said he was cold/requested something? Have I got this right? He sounds like a bit of a twat but doing what you did is a bit strange to be honest.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 14/03/2021 09:25

Barking orders during sex would put most people off.

OP has said it wasn't necessarily what he said but how he said it.

It's not you OP. He talks the same to his children. He has the same complaints about his ex. What's more likely? Two completely unrelated women being crazy and OTT psychos or him actually being the problem?

SionnachGlic · 14/03/2021 09:36

I agree with what at @AccidentallyOnPurpose said above...

iloveruby · 14/03/2021 09:44

People dont change. Either accept him, and the way he talks etc or move on.

Sunhoop · 14/03/2021 09:44

Why did he and the ex split?

Original poster
Couch2Potato · 14/03/2021 09:47

@Sunhoop

Why did he and the ex split?
I'm not entirely sure, just lots of arguing I think.

They accidentally fell pregnant at 19, then had another in their 20s before they saw a problem.

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 14/03/2021 09:47

Dump him it should be fun and laughter in the early days not all this shit.

Twillow · 14/03/2021 09:47

Well I do hope there is a good side to this relationship!
I don't really understand what was rude about what he said, maybe you can give more examples. Are you sure it's not just as much about your expectations of his behaviour?

Bluntness100 · 14/03/2021 09:50

Sounds like it doesn’t work to me, sex problems and you don’t like the way he says the simplest things. Must be exhausting. Just end it. You don’t particularly like each other and don’t treat each other well, so time to move on.

Theunamedcat · 14/03/2021 09:54

If this is a thing his exes have complained about and he still hasn't changed then its definitely not you its him

User17930472 · 14/03/2021 10:26

I find both of your reactions and actions a bit confusing...
You’re arguing then cuddling then arguing then saying he loves you then wondering if you’re going to be in a mood all day... I’m exhausted just typing that.
I think both of you are the problem in all honesty.

Original poster
Couch2Potato · 14/03/2021 10:31

Okay, so this is an example...
I've just asked him to take the dog out as I need to spend quite a bit time in the kitchen today.

Agreed to take the dog out with a bit of a moan (wanted some warning) and says..

Him - "Are you actually going to clean the kitchen today?"
Me - "Sorry?"
Him - "I've cleaned up every morning this week."
Me - "You've been off work, and I have cleaned - lists of some example"
Him - "don't put words in my mouth, I didn't say you haven't cleaned the kitchen this week! Are you just looking for an argument today?"

This leaves me confused.
Am I wrong to reply like this?

OP posts:
EileenGC · 14/03/2021 10:37

He talks aggressively in a superior manner, and it makes me feel scared of him.

This would be enough of a reason to leave him OP. You shouldn’t be with someone you’re scared of.

I experienced this myself in my childhood. It was awful. Mum and I walking on eggshells because we were too scared of my dad hearing or seeing or replying with something rude, loud, and scary. I still can’t forget my mum’s scared face every time he’d start reacting. Please leave him. And do not have children with him under any circumstances.

boredinthouse · 14/03/2021 10:44

I'm not sure what's going on here but it sounds really dramatic on both sides. Can you really be bothered with this hassle forever?

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