Someone give me a slap

[CreosoteQueen]

This is my first Mother’s Day since having my baby. My husband asked me what I wanted a few weeks ago, so I sent him some suggestions, all very reasonably priced, thoughtful things that I would have enjoyed.

He’s opted to ignore those and get me some chocolates instead - fine, except they’re all fruit-based and he ought to know from the many times I’ve told him that I don’t like chocolate and fruit together. I have handled that graciously and thanked him. But on top of it all he informed me last night that he’s invited his mother round for a Mother’s Day breakfast and asked if I could make eggs Benedict.

To add insult to injury, he’s bought her expensive flowers and a beautiful gift which is one of the things I suggested when he asked me what I wanted a few weeks ago! I don’t begrudge her getting these presents at all because she’s absolutely lovely, but I can’t understand why he didn’t think it might be nice to make a comparable effort for both of us?

I’ll make the bloody eggs Benedict because I love my MIL and she deserves a nice day, but I’m feeling under-appreciated. I need a talking to so I don’t have a face on me and ruin what will otherwise hopefully be a nice Sunday.

He doesn’t really get out of it - he cooks as often as I do, it’s just much less delicious he tends to stick to pasta dishes etc which are hard to mess up.

I know he sounds like an arsehole from this scenario, but it is just a snapshot. Overall he’s a goodun who got this wrong, rather than an actual dickhead.

Did you speak to him?

I'm intrigued by your language and the suggestion that you need 'a slap' for being wrong. I'm sure you meant it metaphorically, but even if you were way out of line and wrong, you wouldn't merit a slap. And you're not wrong.

Someone give you a slap - no! Surely it's your husband that needs to be told very clearly where this has gone wrong and it's not to happen again. Put a stop to it now or accept it forever.

Your first Mothering Sunday, you need to communicate with him (gently) how he got it wrong.

It’s lovely that he wants to spoil his mother, but why does it have to be you cooking today? Special breakfast with her could have been yesterday, today should be about you or (if shared with his mum) something where he does the work!

As for the gifts, that’s thoughtless of him on your behalf, both the chocolates for you and then giving her one of the gifts you wanted but he didn’t get. He needs to know so that this isn’t repeated.

If I were your mil I’d be bemused at you making me breakfast on your first Mother’s Day

I have one of these OP, you certainly don’t need a slap but you do need to nip it in the bud!

Dp and I have been together for 7 years and for the first 6 i was disappointed by his efforts on most special occasions. This last Xmas I was brutally honest with him after pussyfooting around it, I said that I was sick of being disappointed and from now on don’t bother at all and I will buy my own presents.

My plan worked, he upped his game instantly and xmas, valentines and Mother’s Day have been a success and he’s already asked for a birthday list from me (unheard of!). And as a brucey bonus I also buy myself my own presents to stick to my word so I know that worst case scenario is that I’ll have something I want and best case scenario is double presents!

I don’t think I’d mind cooking the eggs given that you love MIL and he’s a bad cook BUT it would be nice to be asked and promised a takeaway or something nice for me later.

I always say that I don’t need expensive things, I’d just like a bit of thought and effort and I think you feel the same