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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a Mother's Day card

39 replies

jelly79 · 13/03/2021 23:24

So ex left when I was 4 months pregnant (planned baby and long term relationship) it's been a tough 4 years and I have tried so hard to remain amicable for DS sake

Tonight he drops him off, stays for 20 mins chatting. No card. No flowers. Nothing.

I do 90% of everything.he sees him EOW.

AIBU to expect a card for tomorrow? His thoughts are my teenage daughter will sort that.

My thoughts are. He is a knob

(I send a card / gift from DS for every occasion)

OP posts:
FreddyTheFlute · 13/03/2021 23:27

He is a nob. Dont exoect him to be anythingnother than that.

I send a card / gift from DS for every occasion
Stop this immediately.

DimidDavilby · 13/03/2021 23:29

Stop buying him shit.

Youaremysunshine09 · 13/03/2021 23:29

Stop sending him stuff for Father's Day etc. A card at least would have been lovely, even a homemade one. Sympathies op Thanks

PurpleDaisies · 13/03/2021 23:30

Realistically, he was never going to give you a card.
It really isn’t worth wasting the mental energy on that.

luxxlisbon · 13/03/2021 23:31

He’s an ex, why would he get you a card or flowers for Mother’s Day? YABU

FromDespairToHere · 13/03/2021 23:31

My DM always got me something from DD when she was little. I definitely didn't expect my ex to get me anything - I wouldn't have wanted him to, we didn't get on.

Stop buying him stuff from your DS it's not your job if you're not in a relationship with him!

Womencanlift · 13/03/2021 23:34

If I were you I wouldn’t expect anything and at the same time if I was you I wouldn’t be buying him anything

ParkheadParadise · 13/03/2021 23:36

Mother's Day is tomorrow, not today.
My mum bought me a Mother's Day card from dd1 for years.
Personally, I think it's a load of pish, roll on Monday 😜

Wishitsnows · 13/03/2021 23:36

He's a cunt! Don't get anything again for fathers day, birthday etc he isn't for you. Only do it if your ds requests it. Just be happy he is out of your life

Iloveacurry · 13/03/2021 23:37

I would suggest not to buy him anything for Father’s Day/his birthday.

Givemeabreak88 · 13/03/2021 23:37

I’m a little bit surprised you expected it from your ex, my ex has never done that and we have 4 kids together. Don’t you have any family who can buy something instead, my mum always does it without asking. Don’t expect your ex to buy you presents so for that I think YABU. My ex actually told me in the Past NOT to buy him anything for Father’s Day so not everyone wants something

PurpleDaisies · 13/03/2021 23:38

@Wishitsnows

He's a cunt! Don't get anything again for fathers day, birthday etc he isn't for you. Only do it if your ds requests it. Just be happy he is out of your life
Because he didn’t buy a card for his ex? That’s a bit harsh.

I’m sure he does plenty of other things that are awful but expecting your ex to get you a card for Mother’s Day is a bit much.

diagold4u · 13/03/2021 23:41

You don't need a card from him! Get your son to make you a card. So much better! You teach your son about the importance of showing love to mum, he can learn it through you.

Homemadearmy · 13/03/2021 23:43

It would be nice if your ex facilitated it. But if he hasn't done it for the past 4 years in I wouldn't expect him to start now. As to the others have said I'd stop doing it for him. It's obviously not something he values

Longdistance · 13/03/2021 23:52

You’re not his mother. Ds has probably made something at school/nursery for Mother’s Day, so don’t stress.
If it’s father day or his birthday rest assured you won’t be sending him with anything.

If he asks where his father day/ birthday card is reply with ‘same place my cards ended up.

CoRhona · 13/03/2021 23:53

I actually agree with him - wouldn't your teenage daughter do something?

AnotherBoredOne · 14/03/2021 00:09

No he isn't expected to do that. Sorry

user1473878824 · 14/03/2021 00:11

@luxxlisbon

He’s an ex, why would he get you a card or flowers for Mother’s Day? YABU
My dad was a shitty ex but always got something for my mum from me and she did the same. It’s hardly a massively out there prospect.
Cornishclio · 14/03/2021 00:13

Surely your teenage daughter is old enough to sort out a mothers day card from her and your son? I don't think that is down to your ex and I would stop doing the cards/gifts to him unless your DS wants to do that as he gets older.

AJ1425 · 14/03/2021 00:20

Of course it's down to the ex to make sure the mother of his child has an acknowledgement of some sort on mother's day. Yes she not his mother but the child is 4 at most, too young to facilitate this himself, of course this should then fall to the other parent to arrange rather than a teenage daughter or other family members.
Hes an arse. Save yourself the bother and stop any occasions for him. Spend the money on yourself.

Original poster
jelly79 · 14/03/2021 08:08

Wow an interesting mix of responses, I really appreciate the different views.

Thank you to those who have sent some lovely messages

So My DS made me some lovely things in nursery and my DD18 is so thoughtful so there will be cards and gifts today I'm sure.

However I think it's important for DS to see his parents get on and to pass each other cards on days like today

I also think that given our circumstances it's an opportunity for him to nod in appreciation to the fact that I do literally everything on my own.

I'd struggle sending DS empty handed on Father's Day. Feels a bit shit that.

OP posts:
Tangogolf55 · 14/03/2021 08:35

I think you’re a bit deluded. The Father’s Day card you give probably goes straight in the bin. Stop doing these things. You’re not together.

Peace43 · 14/03/2021 08:38

God no! My exH and I are amicable and I facilitate what DD wants to do for him for Xmas etc.. He never bothered when we were married so I certainly don’t expect it now. My sister does. My boyfriend did this Xmas.

motheroreily · 14/03/2021 08:52

I do sort of agree it's not his job. However, I know my daughter gets really upset and cries because she never has a mother's day /birthday/Christmas card to give me. So I think that's a bit sad that he can't get over his feelings and just buy one for her sake.

This year I bought one myself and left it in her room so she didn't feel left out.

Yesmate · 14/03/2021 08:56

My ex has never done it for me, it was always my mum. I’ve always sorted a card for ex. I’m just more thoughtful and not selfish.

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