Would you question if your child said something ?

[Needtolosetheweight]

Dd is only 3, loves playing in the garden but all of a sudden doesn't want to play out there and told me that grandma told her there's scary monsters out there, would you ask grandma what's been said or assume dd is lying ?
Bit out the blue for dd she's usually very confident etc

I would ask

I would be pretty sure she's not lying. But that doesn't mean she's telling the truth.

There's a significant difference.

I would ask, not in an accusatory way, just find out what they did talk about. That way you can help reassure your DD.

Definitely enquire!

Thankyou for your replies, I did ask and mil blew it way out of proportion, she's text and phoned dp and told him she is very upset that I think that of her.
I sent her a message ( obviously can't be done face to face because of lockdown ) and said I wasn't pointing the finger just wanted to know if anything has been said so I can help dd, she sent a long message back saying no she never would and that she's very hurt then text and rang partner and was upset / maybe crying saying she didn't want an arguement-
The next day she's text him saying please tell her I don't think bad she's got to ask and that can we forget it now!?

I would ask grandma what has been said in a curious way.
Grandma saying something different, doesn't mean dd was lying. It means dd misunderstood or is imagining things.
Children getting confused between real and imagination is pretty common at that age (and I suspect a bit of that, plus misinterpretation is what's going on here).

Partner and his mum have Made me feel wrong for asking her what was said

@Needtolosetheweight

Thankyou for your replies, I did ask and mil blew it way out of proportion, she's text and phoned dp and told him she is very upset that I think that of her. I sent her a message ( obviously can't be done face to face because of lockdown ) and said I wasn't pointing the finger just wanted to know if anything has been said so I can help dd, she sent a long message back saying no she never would and that she's very hurt then text and rang partner and was upset / maybe crying saying she didn't want an arguement- The next day she's text him saying please tell her I don't think bad she's got to ask and that can we forget it now!?

The fact she's over reacted like she has, means she knows she's in the wrong and is annoyed she's been disagreed with, and trying to make you feel bad about it. You were right to question.

So MIL is saying DD made it up from nothing? Seems unlikely. And rather than laugh about what strange things toddlers come up with, she's taken massive offence? Seems like there's more to this. But you are not being unreasonable to ask her.

Your mils reaction speaks volumes.

I'd have asked op, your in your right to do so as your dd mum. X

My ds was born abroad and we lived there until he was 2. We had a large communal swimming pool and kids knew water safety from day dot and didn't wear armbands.

Mum took him swimming to local fun pool at 2 - great.

Next time I took him he refused to get in convinced it wasn't safe. Eventually (be had language delay) I got out of him he wanted armbands. I thought it because others were wearing them.

Eventually got that nanny made him wear them to keep him safe.

She obviously didn't want responsibility and we hadn't really discussed it and because the pool has them for use she just used them and didn't even wonder why I hadn't sent any. Her explaining had been to a bemused ds who couldn't figure out why she wanted to out "wings on him because he can't fly"

So often children pick up on what's said and make their own assessment and it can be much more dramatic than the innocent comment was intended.

My ds refused to enter a pool without them again until he was nearly 4.

@itsgettingwierd that's a clear safety issue as I wouldn't want to be in charge of a 2 to without some kind of buoyancy aid. Bit different.

I did wonder if they had played a game about monsters etc or if dd had got the wrong end of stick with it, hence why I asked her grandma rather than assuming grandma had said it, also asked because I would have picked dd up on lying about someone like that, I really wasn't going in accusing I just asked a simple question to resolve why dd was so scared, she majorly overwhelmed reacted and has made me out to be the bad guy and picking on her ! Fwiw I would have asked anyone if my dd had said someone else

I think also the way she's said she doesn't think bad of me, why would any think bad of someone trying to help their kid not be scared and wonder if any things been said innocently said or not

It might be something so silly, that your MIL wouldn't know. For example my DS suddenly didn't want to go to London with his aunt for a day out and he was really scared. I got because the tower (or he might have said Big Ben) is going to fall. Turns out he had seen the DVD cover of London is falling,

But your MIL reaction is extreme, so I would be wary of what she has said

"D"p Is defending her saying she defo hasn't said anything etc told me I'm pointing the finger and accusing

Your mils reaction speaks volumes.

Yup. Your MIL is lying her arse off. She 100% told your daughter there are scary monsters in the garden.

I would have 100% asked like you have- maybe not in such a polite way actually.

If your dd has said that, I would say that's exactly what is in her mind. May not have been said that way or meant any harm but poor dd is left upset.

So is mil completely denying anything?
Does she look after dd?

Get your DP to take your daughter out in the garden and see what her reaction is? If she reacts the same then I'd love to see his face!
Did you query this with MIL over text? If so, it could have come across a bit blunt.
I think for the sake of relations, maybe phone her, apologise if you came cross accusatory, stress that kids understanding of situations can be a whole lot different to adults and that you absolutely don't think she did anything and was just trying to understand your DD strange behaviour. Her reaction was defo OTT though. She should have simply given you a run-down, i.e. 'we just looked at the flowers, she tripped over, no tears, all was fine'. From that, knowing your DD, you might have been able to piece together something.

I did message politely, as stupid as it sounds I asked my mum to read it before I sent it so it wasn't accusing, I really didn't expect her reaction, she does have form for being the victim in things, I don't want to apologise I don't think I was in the wrong and I absolutely should be able to ask a question especially about my kid without being the bad guy, I feel as thou an apology from her would be more appropriate than me doing it, although I understand about being blunt in a message

Massive overreaction from MIL. You haven't done anything wrong.

[quote idontlikealdi]@itsgettingwierd that's a clear safety issue as I wouldn't want to be in charge of a 2 to without some kind of buoyancy aid. Bit different.

[/quote]
The point I was making is often some simple conversations can make a child react in a different way.

With regards my ds he knew water safety but was then terrified because he thought he wasn't safe unless he hand armbands - even standing in 2in of water next to an adult!

I would just say it’s not true, and leave it at that. I couldn’t be arsed to go to granny and ask her for her version, compare notes etc. Life’s to bloody short.

Granny’s guilty over reaction speaks volumes!